Moral dilemma

Willa it is my understanding that the brother has the cottage in Trust. As in when the OP dies it is his to do with what he pleases.

But while the OP is still alive she is the one managing it and it is providing her with an income through rent for the duration of her life.

It is not uncommon in step parent situations. It is hers to use now but she cant sell it and if she remarried or had other children the OPs late husbands children wouldnt lose their inheritance.

So it is the OPs "job" to evict.

She is also responsible for maintaining it so that when the step son gets it it is in good repair, so could be argued that she is actually required to evict her as per the terms of the trust.

Thats how I read it anyway

Such a difficult dilemma. I don't know what the answer is but it probably depends on whether you will be able to live with yourself if the worst happened to your Stepdaughter if you evict her. It sounds like you couldn't live with it so you need to protect your own sensibilities rather than her neighbours'.
I certainly think that getting her into Rehab should be your first priority and then take it from there.

Because notanan you said ‘evict her ‘ and ‘that girl is clearly not ready’ you have now added to this with ‘ she is proberly out and about with her boyfriend and other addicts ‘ and
‘ it wouldn’t surprise me if she is sleeping rough some nights anyway ‘

And you think these comments are not judgemental? I do

P.s. rehab doesn't work that way.

It can help people who want to stop, but it cant help people who dont.

Until she is READY for rehab the main thing is keeping her physically safe, and the best place for that to happen may be a "wet house" hostel with staff who can help check on her and keep her physically alive while she isn't able to care herself about what happens to her.

Rehab is WAY down the road at this point, she has a long hard way to go before she is ready and able for it.

For don’t want to stop please posters accept it can be she is afraid to stop because reality is too painful

Well, I am going to go against the majority view here.
I don't see why you should go through all the worry and anguish if you evict her, just to please the neighbours.
I would tell the neighbours that you can't possibly evict her because she is your stepdaughter and has no where else to go, and to ask them to show some tolerance.
If they upset you, let them see that you are upset, and ask them to show some compassion for you, if they can't manage it for your stepdaughter.

Anniebatch those are not judgements.

She is not ready for a stable rental those are the facts in the OP.

She is surrounding herself with other chaotic addicts and behaving destructively so it IS very very likely that she is sleeping out/elsewhere/passing out. That is not judging het that is the reality of this kind of destructive cycle, you can have a home to go to but still end up out on the street passing out or having the police called. The cottage being made available had not prevented this! So the OP cannot be held responsible/guilty.

The cottage isnt helping her.

If she stays in the cottage NOW she may not be ALLOWED to return to it at a later time when she IS able to try to make it work as by then she may have restraining orders and asbos in the village (very common for addicts to have & breach those)

The OP may be breaching the terms of the Trust, which requires her to maintain the cottage, by not evicting the step daughter.

Evicting the step daughter is not judging her. It is just what the OP needs to do right now.

notanan, and if the girl and is evicted and ‘reaches rock bottom’ that rock bottom could be death.

She is heading for rock bottom in that Cottage Annie and is more likely to die there than in a staffed hostel!

Who is going to check she is still breathing when she is passed out in the Cottage? Her equally passed out boyfriend?

The use of the cottage has NOT stopped her downwards trajectory.

How is NOT evicting her helping so far? It is not.

And what if she pulls this back and improves and becomes ready to work towards stability?

Is it helping her to let her burn all het bridges in the village now so that she cant go back there later?

There is no one cure for all , fact . I have not given advice to evict or not to evict , I do not know the girl, I do not know if she probably sleeps rough some times, I do not know if she mixes with ‘other addicts . I do not know why she became alcohol dependent. I do know reaching rock bottom can be death.

Well then you haven't read the OPs posts.

She has managed to find a fellow alcoholic who she refers to as her 'boyfriend' but I fear he is only hanging around because she keeps telling him that she is about to sell the house in France.

At 5.00 am this morning the stepdaughter was arrested for screaming and shouting and disturbing the whole village

"I have not given advice to evict or not to evict"

Well pis or get off the pot then. The OP asked for advice/opinions/suggestions.

The police say that it is a mental health problem and social services say it is an alcohol problem
Unfortunately, these strands are broken up into separate departments. We had this problem. My late brother self medicated with drugs and alcohol to control his crippling anxiety. One dept wouldn't treat him because of his self-medication (he was an addict so not their problem), the other struggled to treat because his anxiety kept causing him to fall off the wagon. It is a conundrum that nobody from within the powers that be seems to want to tackle.

notanan2, is there really any need to be so rude especially to someone who has the most dreaded experience of any mother who has a child who suffers with addiction problems.

My step-daughter is extremely unlikely to get her children back - the court made an interim order which expires in two months and it will be made permanent as she has made absolutely no effort to stop drinking.

This means that no only is she living in a chaotic fashion, but also that she does not currently have the will to be helped to live a less chaotic life

If Anniebach is determined to miss read my posts and accuse me of judging things I havent judged then I will tell her to back off and concentrate on putting her own point across rather than pouncing on mine all the time.

By all means Annibach have a different opinion to me...but how's about you express your own opinion and suggestions if you think mine are so bad.

So yeah, piss or get off the pot mate. Quit telling me my ideas are so wrong if you wont offer up any constructive alternative practical advice for the OP

Daisy I feel so sorry for you and your caring stepson. Trying to help someone with an addiction is hell. She needs professional or peer help. Find it for her, and make it as easy as possible for her to get it e.g. take her to meetings etc. (Ignore her neighbours for a while by explaining the long-term approach)

notanan, you didn’t tell me to back off you told me to to

‘Pis or get off the pot then’ . This such much about you.

Yup.

Well you say I am judgemental by saying the OP is right to evict....but you also won't tell her NOT to evict & suggest how to proceed down that path...

So piss or get off the pot is entirely appropriate

You are so right icanhandthemback