Feeling abandoned

My heart goes out to and I can only say what you yourself know.

Use FaceTime or Skype for brief face to face contact with your dgs. Send him little gifts with no great monetary value but which are sent with grannys love.. Simple books with lots of pictures, colouring in stuff to include decent quality colouring pencils. Playdoh which is pretty cheap.
A postcard addressed to your dgd just to say hello.

One of my dgc is 6k miles away. Two flights and an almost 24 hour journey. Three years since we've hugged him. Seen him twice in real life. Hoping for a visit in the next year or so.
But to achieve physical contact is so expensive.

You poor thing. This situation is very familiar to me. For some reason where we live we have many ex SA families. My own SiL is from SA. His sister and her family also moved here. Our neighbours similarly also moved as, like the others, they were not optimistic of their children's chances in SA. They all miss SA and return when they can but its expensive and school life takes over. I often feel sorry for the Grans left behind. My Sil's mother visits annually. She has a large extended family in SA and doesn't plan to move but I know she's sad that her own children live so far away. She'd always thought that they'd be back somehow.
Would you consider moving to join your daughter? The other ex SA families do miss having older generations of relatives and its hard starting a new life. One other SA family's parents moved with them and found work and a home here. (It's an almighty palaver getting all the permissions etc though)
There seems to be such a large SA community in our city that we even have a SA butcher to supply all the Cape favourites.
Once your daughter and family have settled do go for a visit and see what you think.

I feel for you Maine and its unfortunate that you seem to have put your whole life on hold for one person which is why you are so bereft now that one person has moved away you use the word consumed, she consumed your life, and that’s where your problem lies you have nothing else But you have done an excellent job and she has the confidence to make a new life
I brought three children up alone and all three moved overseas to different parts of the world to start their adult lives all of my seven grandkids were born overseas My very first in NZ you couldn’t get further away and living right by the other grandparents too but there’s no point in being upset and jealous of course there were down moments when I had pangs but you brush yourself down and get on with something else You find other important things to give you good vibes Eventually one child and two grandchildren came back to uk under sad circumstances in truth I would rather he4 have stayed overseas than lose her partner to cancer
The very best thing in the world you can do is get out of yourself find some activities, work, a cause to adopt and Skype message to the little man Save up for a holiday and send cards, presents, photos it’s up to you to make sure he doesn’t forget you Be jolly and bright in all you do for him If you are maulin and crying each time that’s all he ll remember
You have the key to his memories of you
Do not rush to move to join them They are owed a life of their own, and who knows they may come back
We can all change out mindset, you have had two months of mourning now the time to spring back and become ‘jolly Nanny’ in that little mans memories and start saving for that holiday

I can't add any more to BlueBelle's comments. Don't rush into any major life changes yet but find ways of keeping in touch with your family and make a different life for yourself.

You ask if you are selfish to feel as you do. Well no you aren’t, you are a mother missing your family, it’s normal and more than understandable especially to those of us whose children upped and did the same thing, and that includes me.
Yes it’s hard but it’s early days. Only 2 months, they may change their minds. Do as others have suggested, keep busy, stay in touch, be cheerful, try and visit and if it looks like they might stay then perhaps consider what you would like to do bearing in mind they may move on again.

You are not selfish Maine. Let time pass, X

I do think the SA factor is more significant than a move from anywhere else. I suspect that a move from there will not be reversed. Life there is complicated unless people have a great deal of money and even then there are quota systems for uni entrance and clear systems of preference for employing black South Africans rather than white. All understandable but not a great long term prospect for those with children. Sadly, we heard recently that a friend of my SiL and his wife have decided not to have children as they would not be able to offer them the life that they themselves had had. Another friend and his family are coming over shortly to conclude the purchase of a business and house as they too are leaving for the sake of their children. It's all very sad. I know how homesick my SiL gets. He misses the country so much but knows that he can no longer live there.
This is why I'm not just saying cheer up and find some new interests. It's such a sad and complex situation out there.

Whereabouts in Ireland are they living?
What about spending some time researching something of Irish history/geography before a planned trip to visit them? It will make your visit more interesting and give you something else to discuss with the other grandparents.
I’m living in Ireland and have a few friends originally from SA, although they’re retirement age.
I’d also seriously consider your daughter’s suggestion about moving to Ireland as it’s a very welcoming country.

My DGS is 5 and I see him approx once every couple of years as he lives in the U.K., but we do try to FaceTime occasionally and since he turned 4, he’s definitely more interested in interacting with us online.

However, we were the ones who moved abroad and whilst I enjoy seeing him, I don’t think about him on a daily basis, so I’m less able to empathise with your feelings of sadness.

Ireland is lovely. The people are lovely. Your daughter is there, your grandson is there. Im sure the whole extended family will welcome you.

What are you waiting for? Be brave. Theres a whole new life waiting for you.

Of course your daughter wants you there. Don’t let self doubt spoil your life.

To me this one doesn’t even need thinking about ?

Go for it! Don't be sad any more. Put that energy into the suggestions made by the last two posters. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain...

I would move to Ireland in those circumstances.
Unless of course, you can’t bear to move away from your own country.

My daughter is only 45 miles away and I panic about her as her health is bad.I cant imagine her being thousands of miles away but if she was and it was in Ireland I would worry far less,its a magic place full of the friendliest people and they will make great friends and have a wonderful life.If the choice is there to join them ,go.Dont look back ,look forward,have a fab time

I agree that it's self doubt. I also agree that Ireland is lovely - and not just because my family are from there

No you are not selfish - you love your family and understandably are distraught they have moved so far away especially with your little grandson. However if you love them you have to let them go to have the chance to make the life they hope to have in Ireland. It happened to us when my DIL became pregnant and wanted to go home to her family in NZ. It was particularly hard as other friends and family had new grandchildren at the time and obviously talked incessantly about them. 5 years on we still miss them but have realised that the life the children are having over there is so much better than they would have had living in the middle to London with no support network around them.

Skype, FaceTime or WhatsApp your daughter as often as you can, you are lucky that you have built up a bond with your grandson in the beginning so to keep in touch is very important to keep that going. He's probably too young to sit for more than a few minutes but as he grows that will change and you will be able to talk to him about his activities and schools.

As you say you have no family with you now the world is there for you to do what you want and if you seriously think about emigrating to join them then go for it but I would also take it very slowly until all the raw emotion has settled down a little to make sure it's the right decision for you too.

One of ours has emigrated to NZ. We often speak on videolinks and send videos and pictures almost daily.
We've been out to see them a couple of times but for health reasons it's doubtful we will go again. They come back sometimes but travel is expensive and school terms to consider etc.

Our other DGC are all here so we wouldn't move there.
I get very sad sometimes and miss them, though not like your sadness. I have to keep telling myself they are happy there and enjoy the lifestyle very much.

If I were you I would seriously think about moving to Ireland.

I suggest ( if funds allow) you do for a month and see how it goes. Also consider seeing a good therapist to help you through this period of transition.