Social etiquette dilemma

Kaycee - so glad. Hard and fast rules are from other times and places its best to just read a situation individually and go with your honest feeling. If all goes well you will have ample opportunity to be a generous host to her. Like I said nowadays its much more about putting the other person at ease than following strict etiquette.

Thank you everyone - went with the majority and didn't take anything. It was fine, had a lovely time. Don't know why I get so worried about small stuff.

I am going to similar next week and I will be going without anything.

She was told not to bring anything- different if it was a meal. I would not take flowers.

Marydoll and Paddyann

The expression in our family was: "Never go visiting without something in yer haun." However, I was a bit nervous about putting that in a post! Now that the groundwork is laid, I feel a bit more comfortable with the risk of causing unintentional merriment.

And oh yes, we aye gie the bairns a "penny", which in my childhood was usually 3d or 6d if it was a grandparent, but these days is £1 and some parents don't like you doing it (so I always ask the adult unless it is a child I know).

We always give a coin to a new baby as well. My great grandparents used to put the coin in the tiny fist "tae gie the bairn a gweed grip o' siller", but I reckon that habit died out when parents realised how quick off the mark you had to be to stop it going in the wee mouth.

In Europe it’s seen as incredibly rude to turn up for coffee empty handed as lots of lovely cakes and so on are always included. It’s a bit special.
I remember one wet winter Sunday tramping the streets looking for somewhere that was open ending up in a florist shop, reluctantly spending a fortune.
We had our one cup of coffee ( not even a biscuit) before having to leave as our hostess was going out.! It was still cold and wet as we made our long journey back on the bus.
So does that help you in your delemma? I think the little packet of biscuits in sellophane tied with a ribbon woukd hit the right spot, certainly our floristry marvel, was overkill.

how about a small posy of flowers say you picked from your own garden wanted to share them with her

I invited my art group for coffee in the summer and was surprised that everyone came with gifts. Mostly they were contributions of food but a small bunch of flowers is always well received and one person had potted up a small plant from their own garden which is still alive and well. Last week Lidl had ceramic pots with bulbs and compost for £3.

I would always say no to an offer of cake if friend coming for coffee cos that’s the hospitality I am offering. Whereas small bunch of flowers (definitely not a bouquet as Maw says) is a thanks for that hospitality IMHO.

Another vote for a bunch of daffs here. Don’t like arriving empty handed and have no Scottish connections whatsoever.

I always think a small bunch of flowers such as daffs or later tulips (not a bouquet) cannot go amiss.
If taking cookies or shortbread, homemade in a cellophane bag (“I was making some...) or homemade marmalade or lemon curd.
Small and discreet - OTT suggests you are trying too hard and can establish an uncomfortable precedent.

Could you take something in your handbag and decide if you give it once you are at her house?
The previous suggestions of a small ribboned bag of biscuits or brownies should fit discreetly in a handbag.

I agree with others that she's said no and leave it at that. You could just return the invite to come to yours on another date and that will suffice.

If it's just coffee and she said not to bring anything then I think you shouldn't. It sounds like a casual invite and taking something might be a bit OTT.

If it goes well, just invite her to yours next time.

In the circs I’d take nothing unless it was something from my garden ( which at this time of year is prob not likely) like a tiny bunch of flowers. Hope it goes well and that inviting her back will happen

Mum always took a nice box of cakes or some biscuits even when we visited family that we visited almost every week.It was inbred in us ,same as giving all the children who viisted some money as they left.We used to always get a half crown from our aunts or uncles with instruction to spend it and enjoy it .Now I do the same with my GC ,definately a Scottish thing

I lived in Europe where it was just downright rude to turn up to anyone's house empty handed, so in your shoes I would take a bunch of daffs and simply hand them over with the comment that they're so cheery at this time of year I couldn't resist them.

Caledonai1, we were taught that too. My mother used to insist on it.
I have taught my children the same, even if it is only to bring a small token.

Yes Marydoll, I think it might be a Scottish thing. We were taught never to go to anyone's house without bringing something along.

Kaycee I agree with others that it's easier if you go for a meal because a bottle of wine never goes amiss, but the suggestions of a wee bunch of flowers - even if you just do that the first time - would do the trick when it's just coffee. The other thought I have is if you have managed to find a local supply of something like a small specialist loaf of bread but I reckon if they have said no you have to judge for yourself.

It's always difficult when you are in a new area where the local people know the established customs. I feel a truly-welcoming person will forgive you for erring on the side of friendly effort. Good luck.

No. Not for coffee. She said no and you should take her at her word. You should return the invitation sometime.

I would take flowers. Jane10, Paddyann, Kalu and myself all suggested this.
Is it perhaps, a Scottish thing??

As you’ve asked and she’s said ‘no’ I think it would be inappropriate to take anything. Just go and relax. If it works out then it’s your turn next time .

I would never go empty handed ,like Jane10 suggested a wee bunch of flowers is always acceptable

No!

I always take a small bunch of flowers, it comes from living in Holland for 18 years.

P.S. Social Etiquette as such is a mine field.....years ago there were set rules according to class and occasion.....it was a rather passive aggressive way of making people 'know their place'.
Hopefully nowadays we have moved on and just employ good manners and a bit of empathy. Good manners is all about making the other person feel comfortable....its not about pulling rank or trying to impress...its just about showing a willingness to be friendly and open....fitting in as it were.