Need you again

Nandalot I think it’s a town, certaintly not a village. I just looked up the population , about 4,500

Riverwalk If Annie had been part of a close supportive community I would have hesitated to recommend moving away from it, but she has not lived in her present area very long, and has often said that she when she moved there she left her congregation and neighbours behind, She would be going where she had more support, not less.

Luckygirl. We have no contact with each other , I know if I decided to move there I wouldn’t see him, when my younger daughter comes home he always drives her, she can’t do the five hour drive, they always stay in a hotel in town, he has refused all invites to stay with the family even refused an invite to stay at my brother’s house which is a lovely country house. They stay three days twice a year , he spends the time climbing the mountains. The day Catherine died he drove my younger daughter home, dropped her off at my house and drove straight back to Lincolnshire, 10 hour drive . He didn’t come to the funeral he had to go abroad but arranged a taxi to bring younger daughter home and take her back two days later. He adores my younger daughter but doesn’t want anything to do with me or the family. Difficult to explain what he is like , think his years as an Army Captain and his work now causes him to be distant from us, I know he doesn’t like my closness to my son in law who isn’t but I have never spoken of him to them .

I can quite understand your love of the mountains, Annie, your Welsh mountains. We moved to Lincolnshire from Hampshire, near the Hampshire Downs and I missed those small hills! I absolutely hated it for a whole year. Now, it really feels like home. You will have the bonus of being near your daughter; I think that would weigh the balance quite heavily in favour, I may have missed it, but will you be in a village or a town?

Seems I'm in the minority here!

Usually on GN, nine times out of 10 people says don't do it, what if they move, you may fall out, etc., if members say they're thinking of moving to be near their adult child.

Hmmm annie - the son-in-law thing sounds a bit weird TBH. He sounds very controlling - do you get on with him?

annie it is,always a tough decision to move from a familiar and "safe" place to somewhere new. You would be going to somewhere where you know someone who loves you and where your DGC could visit. Your health may improve if you feel less alone. Can you talk to a counsellor or GP who may have gelp on how to manage the change/ journey. Good luck with the decision. ?

I wouldn’t see my younger daughter every day, her husband has said when he is abroad I can but when he is home her visits will be limited to certain days and times , I am use to that with him, when he is away we ring each other every day but when he is home I wait for her to phone me.

He doesn’t bully her, he has always lived this way. Doesn’t help that he really doesn’t like the Welsh and the Welsh extended family really bugs him.

Now I do understand your mountain problem annie - as would my DD. She went from our Welsh border home to a university interview and came back and said she liked the university and the course but the countryside was "flat, flat, flat"!

I think you would take a while to get used to that TBH, so that is one item that would go on the negative side of your list - but I suspect the plus side will prove to be a longer list!

Elegran. beautiful x

Like these. There are a lot more.
www.northwales.com/north-wales-top-5-webcams/
www.camscape.com/Europe/United%20Kingdom/Wales/index.html
www.thewhitespider.com/webcams/snowdonia-cams
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8443503.stm
www.breconbeacons.org/webcams
ogwen-rescue.org.uk/webcams/
visitbala.org.uk/about-the-area/the-welsh-lake-district/

What would my elder daughter say? She would never want me living in this isolation , years ago she had planned an extension on their house for me should I need it. Annie, I think she would say open the doors of your cage and fly. I know what a wrench it will be to leave Wales, and the things that truly feed your soul, but there are bigger considerations for your wellbeing now.

You could cover your walls with paintings, photographs and posters of your mountains. You could find a website which shows photos, even perhaps a webcan trained on a real view that would change hourly.

And you would have a view of your daughter daily, moving and talking..

My younger daughter has four dogs and four cats ! She adores them. One thing I can say with certainty, if I moved there no way would I join her on her hours walk on the fens with the dogs every morning at 8.00am , regardless of weather .

Wish I could explain my love of the mountains , look at them every morning when I get up and always at sunset ,if the mist isn’t covering them.

Can’t explain Hiraeth

I have hesitated to join in Annibach because I can see how torn you are but I too am leaning towards the offer of the move. There is much to recommend- a daughter who lives nearby, and for whom you too can be company, so it is not one-sided.
Your heart may belong in Wales but it has such tragic memories for you too. Leave that bridge behind you.
The grandchildren are young and independent and, more importantly, able to travel easily so you will probably see as much of them as you do now.
Finally, is this the daughter who took on your little dog? How happy would she be!

Annie I believe you have said that in the past you've relied on GN and you'd still have that but you'd also have a real loving daughter close by.
You try cope with loneliness but with your daughter at hand you wouldn't have to deal with such loneliness.
You are so aware of the promise you made to care for your GC and can regard it as a promise kept and success achieved that they are happily independent.
As things are, the bridge really only exists in your memory as you never confront the reality of it. You'd still have that memory but it wouldn't loom so large and wouldn't limit the freedom you're aiming for.
Apart from your deep-rooted love of Wales there's no solid reason to stay. Your loving daughter is a product of Wales and embodies what you love. The suggestion to take the soil and the daffodils is a lovely idea and would be a meaningful symbol.
I'm sure that taking time to weigh up the pro's and con's, with thought and prayer, will get you where you need to be.

Yes, Annie. Very flat but still interesting. A complete change from what you're used to but as Merlotgran says, flat has its plus side when the arthritic knees start making themselves felt.

I live on the edge of the Cambridgeshire fens, Annie. It's a shock to the system when you are used to mountains but the fens have a beauty of their own.

Flat is good when you're getting on in years.

Annie, your beloved Catherine would want what’s best for you. In your heart you know the answer is to now go and grieve with her darling sister, you would be such a help to each other.xx

True Dragonfly if I move I can take you all with me .

Thinking of you every day x

I have only just come across this thread and I really cannot offer anything more than what other people have said. Maybe discuss the feasibility of such a move with your therapist but at the end of the day go with your heart.

Whatever you choose know that we will all still be here to support you. Sending you my best wishes.

Scribbles, the fens , be very flat yes ?

I've only just spotted this thread.

Go for it, Annie. An adventure beckons.

Annie, all my instincts are saying that you should make the move and I'm convinced that, in your shoes, I would do so. However, I acknowledge that I am not in your shoes so I can't see the situation through your eyes (Sorry. Too many physiological metaphors here).

Your younger daughter is clearly a lovely, caring person and this would give you such a great opportunity to bond and be friends as well as mother/daughter. Perhaps, with her close by, you may even find the courage to venture out again and explore your new world. But, one day at a time ...

Lincolnshire is a beautiful county. You haven't said which part of it you're looking at and, while the southern, fenland area around Spalding, Holbeach, Boston is very flat, it has it's own charms. Further north, we have miles of lovely, rolling countryside and beautiful towns - Stamford, Louth, Alford are a delight and there are dozens of pretty villages hidden away. I admit that, as a Yellerbelly, I'm prejudiced. I had 40+ very happy years in Essex but returning to Lincolnshire was one of the best things we've ever done. Even my dyed-in-the-wool Essex Man OH agrees.

Only you can decide but, as someone else has said, the grandchildren have grown; you kept your promise to your elder daughter and have nothing to reproach yourself with. Time to look after YOU, now. We only get one go-round so carpe diem. (((Hugs))) to you.

PS. Just an afterthought. We got a highly strung, ageing and easily spookable cat up the motorway from Essex in the back of an overstuffed car with negligible ill-effects. She's always been a fairly hysterical traveller but with careful planning and preparation, we kept her calm and didn't need to resort to the vet's offer of tranquilizers. I'm not suggesting you need a vet(!) but I'm certain your journey from Wales could be planned and managed to minimise distress when the time comes.

Wishing you a peaceful night Annie x