Need you again

Annie - I can't add to the posts above, but your younger daughter sounds like a good person who really loves you.
I think you should listen to her now.

It sounds as if your grandchildren have now become independent adults, anniebach, which makes me think you have fulfilled your promise to your elder daughter. Now your younger daughter needs and wants you near her.

I can’t go for a trial period, it’s a five hour car drive. I know I can only leave this bungalow for x ammount of time , apart from hospital. And a 5 hour car drive for an agoraphobic?

Had two upsetting incidents last week. Someone had bought a painting from a house sale, couldn’t make out the name of the artist, put it on the local site, It was a painting of that bridge.

Elder granddaughters birthday, I don’t bother with Facebook but went on to add birthday wishes to her, there was a photograph, I think it’s called tagged or tagging , my son in law’s lady friend did it , my three grandchildren, granddaughters partners, son in law and girl friend , ashamed to say I thought ‘ you are in my daughters place, it’s her family not yours’ . I felt so ashamed , I knew they had all gone to Cornwall but seeing them together hurt so much. And quite possibly there is more to come.

By staying here I am putting my grandchildren before my younger daughter , this is so wrong.

What would my elder daughter say? She would never want me living in this isolation , years ago she had planned an extension on their house for me should I need it.

Sorry for yet another meme, I only have you all to talk to x

Anniebach you've done your best for your children and GC ,its time to let them do something in return.I know my children are hurt when I refuse to let them do stuff for me but if it was something like this and I was on my own I'd jump at it.
Wales will always be in your heart and your memories but go and make new memories with your daughter for her to have in time to come.Happy memories .Good luck and as someone else said GN will still be there .You dont get rid of us that easily .

I think as your grandkids are adults you could even talk it over with them
It’s a huge decision to move at our age especially to move away from somewhere you love so much, all your posts lead back to your love of Wales oozing our of every pore and I think that may be a bigger hold than the grown up grandkids who are off hands anyway
But it really could be a new life for you with some company when needed someone to keep an eye on you and you on them when the son in law is away and you d be completely away from ‘the bridge’
Will your daughter be buying the bungalow anyway ? That way then it would be ideal to take it slowly and visit first although sometimes you just have to pull the plaster of quickly and dive in the deep end
Which ever way you decide I wish you all the luck in the world and hope if you go it opens up a whole new life for you
?

I am with others, you have lived through so much, been such a good mother to your elder daughter and sounded very lonely and isolated since that daughter died. Her children are grown up and independent and have flown the nest and I am sure your care for them has enabled them to overcome their own tragedy of their mother's sickness and death,

Now is the time to let go and be near your other daughter, who continues to love you and want to support you - what a wonderful mother you have been, to have such lving daughters.

As others suggest, move their temporally, while still keeping your home in Wales, if all goes well, shut your eyes, hold your nose and make that jump, you will be surprised how warm the water will be.

Looking after your grandchildren doesn't mean you need to be physically there for them, Anniebach and especially now they have all spread their wings. You'll still care about them just as much even if you're in Lincolnshire.

I think the suggestion of going for a trial period with an open mind is excellent. Your older daughter would not want you to stop living your life, I'm sure, and perhaps she would heartily approve of you being able to gain comfort and support from your younger daughter and family.

I agree with Bridgeit give it a try and keep your current home in case it is a disaster. Doesn't sound like it would be, she sounds lovely, but it is different when you are actually there.

Your life seems to have been on hold for 18 months so perhaps this is what is supposed to happen?

Your daughter sounds lovely and caring Annie. I understand your dilemma of course Wales is hard wired into your soul and psyche you will always carry that deep love for your country wherever you go. I'd be inclined to accept such a magnanimous gesture, clearly your daughter wants you close so she can care for you. One to one with a mother can be a very special time for a grown up daughter, or son for that matter. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to spend frequent time with my late mum when she became widowed. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Although I was always close to her when I was growing up somehow from teens onwards I was always rushing out the door and then of course I left home early 20s to live my own life. Like so many of us when we are young and preoccupied with our own stuff we fail to appreciate a parent had a life before we arrived or did anything interesting with it. How wrong! My mother and I really re connected during that latter period of her life, I listened to her wartime experiences of living in London, she told me a lot about the French and Irish side of her family, of whom I hadn't really bothered to ask about before because a) I was too self absorbed and b) I wasn't that interested. Nevertheless, the upshot of all this in depth delving into the past, was that it ignited an interest in genealogy which we embarked on jointly. I treasure the memories of those "one to ones" and glad I had them with her.

Would it be possible for you to move to Lincolnshire with a caveat that you have frequent trips back to Wales. I don't know that part of eastern England but I gather that the landscapes are somewhat flat, my husband bemoans returning to the flat landscape to our part of the world the edge of west London, when we've left somewhere with the rolling undulations of say Wales, Cornwall, Dorset.

As others have said, I am sure your grandchildren can visit you there and you say one of them has bought a property 50 miles away from you now, so possibly that home is in Wales then? Maybe you and your daughter could have meet ups with the GC there?

I echo Moongirl I've followed your posts have been moved by the painful experiences you have had to endure. Take your time to mull it over, maybe draw up a list of pros and cons. I think many of us would love the idea of you making the decision to go and live with your daughter. Ultimately only you can decide that.

Wishing you love and happiness wherever you opt to live Annie and rest assured you can always bounce your thoughts off your virtual friends right here

Do not move lock stock & barrel Annie unless you are absolutely sure, why not stay with them for a month to six weeks get a feel for it then you will be in a better position to decide, best wishes

Anniebach, as I read your post the words "Choose Life" sprang to mind.

You have fulfilled your promise to your older daughter. Her children are now independent young adults, busy with their own life choices and plans - exactly as they should be.

Your younger daughter asks again for your company, and has a plan that will allow you to enjoy the closeness of being together, with the added benefits of living separately. I would guess that your grandchildren would be very pleased for you.

Yes it is a big decision, but perhaps one that you are fortunate to be able to make. I do wish you well!

What a brilliant adventure Annie. And you will have someone there should you need them.

I’ve followed your posts, Annie, ever since you first told us about your beloved daughter but have not commented on any until now.
There is no rush to make a decision, I hope, so use some time to think and explore your feelings about this proposition. The more often I face a fear I find helps me to dilute the sense of dread and your head might clear enough to be objective about all the factors involved.
Perhaps you can have a heart to heart, no holds barred, honest discussion with your youngest daughter to explain any worries you have rather than bottle up your feelings any more. You may find it a relief to weigh up all the pros and cons with her or is there someone else you can confide in?
Also, your daughter’s suggestion would probably benefit both of you. A close friend of mine is a wonderful daughter but I watched how her Mother’s stubborn refusal to leave Scotland and move closer to her daughter made caring for her nothing less than a burden which gradually eroded the lovely mother and daughter relationship they’d previously enjoyed for over 60 years. This was a great sadness for both of them and her Mother was left lonely and isolated in the weeks my friend could not constantly stay to look after her. Had she moved close by, her life would have been filled with company, laughter and the sense of not being a burden to her daughter as it would have been so much easier to keep an eye on her health and well being. The distance made sorting out the minutest problem an ordeal and eventually became a source of resentment to my friend.
I understand absolutely about your proud welsh roots, but remember this, you can take the girl out of Wales, but you will never take Wales out of the girl!

What does Fred think?

Annie you have come through so much with great strength and good grace, but now maybe there is a new chapter to write.

Your daughter has lost her sister and needs her mum close by.

Wales will still be there. and as they say 'you can take the lass out of Wales but you can't take Wales out of the lass (or in my case Scotland).

No 'BUTS' -carpe diem, this will be the start of a new, happier, stage of your life. Remember that all your Gransnet friend will, seamlessly, make the move with you.

What a lovely family you have!!
Caring and thoughtful..I would take up the offer.
Quick before they change their minds.

Sounds like a positive step Annie x

Sounds like a win win situation. Go for it before you get any older! Wish you well

I know what I would do, Annie and I think you will decide to do it too.

Anniebach what a dilemma, would your dear older daughter want you to stay in Wales on your own?

If you were close to your younger daughter it could be reassuring to have her close by. Your Grandchildren could still visit you.

You would be away from the dreaded "bridge"

I think you know the answer deep down ???