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(24 Posts)
Mycatisahacker Thu 07-Feb-19 18:32:53

Before I explain this is lighthearted and I adore my dils and of course my sons and they are fantastic parents. But they have no routine with the toddlers. Obviously meal times are normal but nap times are a movable feast so the 2 year old can fall asleep at 4pmshock so then bed time is 8/9!

I had a pretty strict routine with mine with no sleep after 3pm as bed was at 7/7.30 until around 6 years old then a bit later.

I followed a thread on fb where parents were complaining that ceebeebies bed time hour was too early (6/7) as their kids wouldn’t go to bed before 8/9!! These are toddlers. And all the parents were agreeing apart from one who ventured to say her kids went at 7 because that’s the way it went in her house and they did as they were told.

Is this a generational thing? I think I was far stricter than my kids are on their kids. I needed them to be in their beds by 7 so me and dh had our time. No co sleeping horror either unless ill.

I parented in the 80s/90s. Not saying it was better but kids do seem to be more incharge now.

When I have my grandsons they nap. No ifs no buts and they just accept it as it’s normal at nannies house. They refuse at their parents so fall asleep late pm! Is it me?

muffinthemoo Thu 07-Feb-19 18:40:00

Mine go to sleep between 8 and 9 but they don't nap in the daytime. They don't want to nap, they aren't tired and there is damn all point in me fighting with them every afternoon to make them take a nap they don't want or particularly need.

They are sleepy, wound down and ready to sleep at that time at night so that's when I put them down. I don't want them awake and not sleeping in their beds for hours before they fall asleep because studies show that builds a pattern of poor sleep hygiene into later life. I have very poor sleep hygiene and a lot of difficulty sleeping myself and that is not something I would like to pass on.

This also lets their father say goodnight to them most nights as he usually squeaks in the door by 9pm. Otherwise he would not see them from a Sunday night to the next Saturday teatime.

Mycatisahacker Thu 07-Feb-19 18:43:18

Yes I see your individual circumstances dictate that and of course daddy wants to see them.

I guess we all act in the best interests of our individual circumstances but my point about ceebeebies was that many many parents were saying they wanted to get their kids to bed at 7/7.30 but they couldn’t as their Toddlers refused.

Since when do toddlers rule the house?

Mycatisahacker Thu 07-Feb-19 18:45:19

Also what is sleep hygiene? Never heard that term. I know my toddler grandsons are dead on their feet and cranky without a nap and would never last until 8/9. Without a nap. Of course all kids are different

MissAdventure Thu 07-Feb-19 18:48:28

7 o'clock was bedtime when my daughter was a toddler and first at school.
It rose by half an hour increments when I decided.
I rarely deviated from it.

Newmom101 Thu 07-Feb-19 18:53:08

I tend to put DD (18 months) to bed between 7-7:30 but sometimes if she's napped longer in the day she's up until 8-9. If she's not tired there's no point in trying to put her to bed at the usual time. On occasion she will have a late nap (if we go out somewhere or have visitors on a morning) and then tends to go to bed later but that's not often. I tend to keep her in a routine as I then get the evening to myself. Often when she's tantruming at bedtime it's because she's tired and needs to go to bed!

Badenkate Thu 07-Feb-19 18:53:23

My elder son could (and still can) sleep for England! He had two naps a day until he went to playschool, and I was worried that he'd never survive at primary school. His younger brother absolutely refused to have a nap from about 2 years old and never showed a sign of needing one.
They used to go to bed at about 7 and slept well, but woke up every morning around 6. It was a balance: evenings child-free but early mornings, or a bit later to bed and a longer sleep-in.

ginny Thu 07-Feb-19 18:56:46

My DD has her just 3 year old in bed by 7 after a regular bedtime routine. He sometimes has a nap but not after 3 pm. It was the same when ours were that age . We needed to relax by that time !

Witzend Thu 07-Feb-19 19:35:49

I do think some need more sleep than others. My Gdcs seem to need less than my own did, but maybe I was just lucky. GDs of 2 1/2 is often up till 8 or 9, but he's at nursery 4 days a week, where he'll easily sleep 2 1/2 hours in the day. They don't like to wake him, since he can be very grumpy for a while, so it's a bit of a vicious circle.
He'll regularly be up at 5, too.

Where I do really have to bite my tongue is over getting them to sleep. Dd and SiL would never just put them to bed, read a story, and say night night. Right from the beginning with Gdd they've sat with them, rocked them, fed them, pushed them round the streets in the buggy, you name it.

Dd and SIL often fall asleep themselves, while sitting or lying with them to get them off - they hardly ever have time to themselves in the evenings.
But it's no use saying anything - I gave up long ago.
However I did hear dd admit the other day that it's all their own fault - they've been too soft!
So maybe there's hope.
I know she has friends who've been a lot tougher.

sodapop Thu 07-Feb-19 19:36:56

Yes I'm not a fan of having children around all evening, I think adults need some time to themselves. Children benefit from a routine, it doesn't have to be too rigourous. My children had set bed times but they were allowed to read for a while. Fortunately there were no screens to contend with then.

Urmstongran Thu 07-Feb-19 19:47:10

Our DD2 and SiL have their 2y old baby in her cot every night between 6:30pm and 7pm. She has a nap at her childminder at 1pm.
Their 6y old goes to bed half an hour after his baby sister.

DoraMarr Thu 07-Feb-19 20:10:58

My 4 were all in bed by 7, they were allowed to read or play with soft toys until they fell asleep- they were all usually asleep by 7.30. They weren’t allowed to get out of bed or call down. I needed some quiet time without them, I had them all in just over 4 years, so it was quite busy! I kept to this routine during the summer holidays too. I think it’s important children have a good night’s sleep when they are at nursery and school. My daughter’s partner puts their two year old to bed at 8, but she doesn’t always fall asleep straight away, she sings to herself! She has a fairly late bedtime so she can spend time with her daddy when he gets home from work. My other two grand children go to bed between 7 and 7.30. When I taught I noticed lots of children falling asleep in the afternoons and becoming tearful. Lots of parents blamed the televisions in their children’s rooms for keeping them awake!

Mycatisahacker Thu 07-Feb-19 20:14:35

Yep I too am not a fan of kids running around in the evening. My sil has no routine what do ever and her kids were often up at 9 pm as toddlers and infant school.

That would have driven me nuts.,

Each to their own but I still can’t get this ‘but they won’t go to bed’!

Our house was more super nanny style!! loving but mummy and daddy are in charge not you guys. And if we say bed time it’s bed time. No no ifs no buts

FlexibleFriend Thu 07-Feb-19 20:45:24

i doubt it's generational, I worked full time so liked to spend time with my kids of an evening so bedtime was probably quite late certainly not before 9 and probably as late as 10. They weren't unruly and it was a routine, it was our routine. As far as we were concerned they could sleep in the car on the way to and from the childminder and as we live in London that was a good hours commute each way and they could have a nap at the childminders if they were tired. They were actually very well behaved kids and very grown up for their age. It worked for us we really enjoyed them as kids. We had kids so that we could spend time with them not so others could have all the fun and it's perfectly possible to enjoy time with your OH even when the kids are around as long as they're pleasant to be around. My kids were born in 1980 and 1988.

annep1 Thu 07-Feb-19 20:52:04

Mine were in bed at 7pm. My grandsons are too. Didn't always sleep but I needed time to myself exhausted. However I broke the rule quite occasionally. If granny visited or they were enjoying a special game. No point in being inflexible. Children do need their sleep though. continual late nights is a bad idea.

Beau Thu 07-Feb-19 21:11:01

DGS in bath at 7 every night and asleep by 8 - nap could be 11.30 to 12.30 or 2 to 3 pm depending on what we're doing - bath time is 7pm always - if DD is late home from work, maybe 7.15 - any later and he's too grumpy. Sleeps 12 hours, I've always believed that uninterrupted sleep is as important as food. He doesn't get to choose his bedtime even though he is quite indulged in some other ways.

Sarahmob Thu 07-Feb-19 21:22:05

My DD follows a strict bedtime routine with her 15 month old. I care for him two days a week and make sure that he naps no later than 3pm so that he’s ready for bed at 7pm. But all children are different in their sleep patterns.

paddyann Thu 07-Feb-19 21:43:57

mine weren't good sleepers ,my son needed a radio on to get him to sleep.11 weeks in SCBU was to blame for thet,he couldn't sleep without the bleeps and noises he was used to.No tv's in rooms ever so my daughter was put to bed with a book and a drink which meant she didn't need to come downstairs.By the time they were 3 they knew they had to knock the sitting room door or our bedroom door when it was grown up time...after 8pm.It was never aproblem and I taught my GC the same as they have all spent a lot of time with us .Only 1 GD is a bad sleeper and when she's at home she creeps into mums bed at least twice a week .The rest go to bed and stay there.The GD who is with us half the week has always been a great sleeper and still goes up around 8 and sleeps for 12 hours on weekends and a little less on schooldays .She's almost 10

MissAdventure Thu 07-Feb-19 22:02:51

My patience supply was running on empty by about 6pm, so it wasn't in anyone's best interests to mess around at bed time.

callgirl1 Thu 07-Feb-19 22:10:49

Mine never slept during the day after they left babyhood behind. They went to bed at varying times between 7.30 and 8.30pm.

GrandmaKT Thu 07-Feb-19 22:17:39

It's completely the opposite with our family! My Dil has their two (aged 5 and 3 and a half) in bed by 5pm. The younger one also has a nap, as did DGS until he went to school. He still often has a nap at the weekend. They get up at 6:30-7am. On weekdays they literally come in from school/nursery, have their tea and go to bed!

muffinthemoo Fri 08-Feb-19 01:35:57

Up at 5 and 6am??!

We would die. No one in this house moves before 9.30am.

Rise and shine time and bedtime are both going to move by a couple of hours when it comes time for eldest to go to school, but for now this is a lark-free household...

muffinthemoo Fri 08-Feb-19 01:40:35


I have all the bad habits and have done since childhood, I have terrible sleep trouble sad

So I insist with the little ones that we do the jammies - teeth - story - cuddle - lights out routine. No deviations, no being left to play etc. Bed is for sleep. I don't let them play in their bedroom for now, either.

Farmor15 Fri 08-Feb-19 03:41:26

Like FlexibleFriend I worked and liked to spend time with the children in the evening. We had a routine, but it was ours - dinner all together at 6 or so, bath about 7–30, some relaxed time playing together, them up to bed about 8-30, stories and songs and asleep by 9. They would sleep till about 8 am. OH and I didn’t go to bed till after 11 so we still had a few hours child free, but we enjoyed being with our children, so didn’t feel the need to get them out of the way.

I agree with muffinthemoo that going to bed when not tired and ready to sleep is not a good habit. If you watch children for signs of tiredness, you can choose the right time before getting overtired and cranky. Also, if for some reason they have napped late - eg in car, there’s no point in trying to get them to bed at “usual” time. Getting obsessed with a particular clock time for bed, whether tired or not, causes everyone stress.