Not a virtuous hobby? Guilt?

I was brought up in a rather academic household where reading was practically sacred. I would have felt guilty if I didn’t read!

Housework got done, but it was definitely of secondary importance. Some scorn was reserved for an aunt who was so houseproud that my mother would say “I’m sure she polishes the soap”.

My son loves tinkering with car engines and (when he lived at home) he used to come in looking grubby. He'd been under the car, and over the bonnet for ages and had "fixed" things, so elicited sympathy and offers of drinks when he came in. No one expected anything more from him for the day. However, he'd been in his element, having fun.

When I have fun (writing, reading, sewing) I am being self indulgent it seems.

My brother goes running everyday and my SIL says the same thing - it's like his hobby, his self-indulgence, is somehow more worthy than her knitting and playing Solitaire on her tablet, or doing a crossword.

I think some women have an in-built guilt complex. I know I do. I think I am going to have to brazen it out when I next sit down for 'fun'.

Day6 I was thinking exactly this earlier today.My husband loves gardening and was out there again all morning.After a productive day yesterday,all housework and laundry is up to date so have been sitting in the conservatory reading giving DH a wave when he comes into view and yes I did feel guilty!Glad it’s not just me!

Enjoy your hobbies none are more virtuous than others!
I have a friend who loves tiding (relaxing??‍♀️) whereas I love to lie in the sunshine on the grass with a good book and an ice cold drink. she gets a tidy house, and I expand my knowledge! both just as valid!

I would feel guilty if I just pottered about all day. I’m grabbing a couple of hours outside now while the sun is shining and DH is off golfing and reading and GNetting and FBooking but that’s it.

DH is just golfing. Poor punctuation made meaning unclear.

Jenpax, I do tend to read the papers online, so I am 'expanding my knowledge' too I suppose. Good way of thinking about it!

And yes, Anja, I do need a change of scenery and agree, I couldn't please myself all day long. Some things need to be done.

I am wondering if I can 'make' myself vaguely athletic. I'll never be a gym bunny though.

In between reading papers online I have cleaned two loos and sinks, stripped a bed and washed and dried the sheets, and loaded the dishwasher after breakfast. I have also taken
a pork fillet out of the freezer and been perusing pork recipes online.The cat is half sprawled over my laptop now and purr-snoring away, otherwise I'd have tackled the dust I can see on the windowsill.....she lied.

My grandmother had 11 children in the days before washing machines and vacuum cleaners. Yet I am told she did the chores in the morning, prepared the evening meal and then the afternoon was hers, visiting friends, Mothers’Union etc. So like other posters, why do I feel guilty for not being productive all day? DH will sit in the middle of it all watching TV or faffing with his iPad with no qualms whatsoever.?

Exactly Purple....men never feel bad about watching Midsomer Murders or nodding off for hours.
Neither should we, but it’s a lifetime of being busy all the time I suppose.
What a fab day today, weatherwise! ? Have been gardening then we sat out for ages with tea and biscuits, it was almost too hot at times!

I am the gardener here and love to spend a day pottering.. so do not feel guilty he is enjoying himself!

DH has just gone off to his hobby grumbling that he wished he was a fair -weather football fan then he would not be putting himself through the misery and ignominy of watching another defeat and paying a lot for the privilege do so! He is certainly not feeling guilty that I am left on my own whilst he has so much fun

I only wish my other half was a gardener - he hates it as do I but I'm the one who goes out and does it when I can't stand the weeds or knee high grass any longer, He will sit and sleep or watch tv while I'm doing it without feeling the slightest guilt! If on the other hand he does start to do anything in the house or outside I feel guilty and have to go and help him. He does still work full time while I retired at Christmas but this has always been the case so I'm not expecting it to change when he retires next month.

Today I've cleaned out all the kitchen cupboards, done some washing, been to the shops and now cooking dinner but still feel guilty for sitting here 'doing nothing'!

I don't think you should feel guilty at all, some hobbies are more constructive or productive than others perhaps, but why worry? When I think of the ways I use (waste) my time I'm sure others would be horrified.
When I tell my sister that I've been on Grans/Mumsnet she says 'why don't you get a pen-friend?' - I don't want a penfriend, that's why! I like pottering. I never spend all day out in the garden - I just go out and do one little job and then sit down with a cup of tea - is this wrong? No, it's right for me and I shall continue, so there!

N&G sounds like you have the perfect relationship and attitude. Hope that's what mine would have been like. Bravo!

I work very hard at being retired.
It’s quite difficult when you have a guilty conscience.

I used to beaver all day like a crazy woman so that everything was ‘done’ when my husband got in from work. Not that he minded - he is very easy going. He still works full time but now I ‘save’ jobs up to be doing for when he gets home to stop feeling guilty about not working - silly isn’t it!!

we are human BEINGS
Not human DOINGS
I am sure a lot of the time you are and have been very busy at times when he wasn't.
Don't let his disapproval make you feel guilty, you are not his employee...

Yesterday and for all the beautiful sunny days we have had I have just sat on my lovely sunny little patio and read a book. I have no husband now, but when I had one I did a lot more work than I do now. My neighbour is 82 now, that is 4 years older than I am. On sunny days she spends many hours in her prize winning garden, clipping bushes into pretty shapes, cutting her grass with scissors, moving things, climbing into trees and cutting branches etc. That is her hobby, She is very active and strong and I am not. She also does all the housework and cooking and painting in her house, as her husband does sweet fannyadams. I read in the sunshine while she works her guts out. Good for her. I do not feel guilty in the least.

No guilt in this house. I have been known to be stretched out on the sofa reading while my husband was stood nearby doing the ironing. At the moment I am on my laptop and he is out at pilates. We both do what we want and when we want depending on how we feel.

I like to keep busy in the morning, just about to start my ironing. Tidy up etc. Then from lunchtime onwards it’s my book I am reading at at moment Becoming by Michelle Obama. Or iPad and catching up with emails. Radio in the kitchens always on. I never feel guilty about me time, I do most-of. the the housework anyway.

Having just come back from holiday on Monday the last few days have been really busy washing, shopping and now loads of ironing to do. DS stayed in the house for a week to look after the dog but obviously didn’t think I might like to home to a clean bathroom. Was in the middle of doing that when DH came in having mowed the grass and tidied up the garden. He proceeded to run a bath saying he was shattered while I carried on cleaning around him! After that I had a cup of tea, feet up and my book - I’m reading Michelle Obama too and loving it. No guilt feelings in this house!

Husband gets a spurt of activity on and potters doing his thing.
Most afternoons I can be found upstairs reading a book .
In the evenings he is upstairs watching tv and i fluff around doing my bits vacuuming and suchlike.
It works for us. Some days I am flat out doing things other days...books are way too important

My husband and I are both retired although he has a part time job at Asda four mornings a week working 6am until 10 am. Some days he likes to walk to work and others he likes to drive. I have this complex. I don't know why, on the days he walks to work I must pick him up especially if it's raining or bad weather. He frequently tells me I should just have stayed in bed but do feel 'guilty' for lounging about too much. Like other posters have said we deserve our retirement and should do whatever pleases us. I am also guilty of volunteering twice a week, doing grandparent duties and keeping pretty busy. At times it's exhausting.

Opposite way round in our house, I'm busy most of the time and DH sits at laptop or watches the TV - the last thing he feels is guilty!

I think after working all our lives, we deserve to rest and chill whenever we want. Your OH loves to garden, you love to keep in touch with friends which is very important too. Don't feel guilty. It's your retirement too.

Usual day for me ( I am on my own) up washed and dressed by 9 am, feed and walk the dog, went to the beach today, came back ate breakfast, I have gingerbread on other oven baking now and all before 11 am . I have no plans for most of the rest of the day so I'll do what I want. My mother couldn't see anyone doing nothing. I don't feel obliged to follow her example. It's great being retired and getting to do what you like. I have a clear conscience.