Mamacaz The only couple I used that style for we had known him longer.
A quote for those blessed with a spouse:
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How to address letters in the modern world
(59 Posts)Some of you will realize that this thread has been prompted by another, but it's definitely not about that thread.
It got me thinking about how we now address mail in the following situations:
If I am addressing, for example, a Christmas card that is going by mail to a married couple who share the same surname, I would usually put Mr & Mrs Jones, with no initials.
If the same card was going to be hand delivered, I would just use the couple's forenames
.
On a more formal letter, I would write Mr A & Mrs B Jones - in other words, I would give each their own initial, rather than just using the man's, as I find the latter very outdated.
I find it harder when the recipients are not married, or don't share the same surname.
Ok, if it is very informal, I might just use their first names (I've done this with my own sons and partners/wives), but it doesn't feel right for anything formal.
I suppose, thinking about it, I would omit Mr and Mrs, and use the initial and surname of each, A Jones & B Smith, but I realize how that I've never had to do this, so it doesn't yet feel 100% natural to me.
What do others put, and is it different from what you would have used in the past?
BBbevan
Mamacaz I can be 'a bit of a madam' in some circumstances
Come to think of its so can I!
This has reminded me of the old Clark's shoes advert, where the little girl proudly announces that "Mummy says I'm going to be a proper little madam!" ?
My parents always insisted on writing to me as
Mrs Patrick Smith, and it drove me potty as I was not called Patrick! And I normally address others as either Mr and Mrs R Brown or Mrs Mary Brown
Mamacaz I can be 'a bit of a madam' in some circumstances ?
Remember mother telling me writing Mrs Susan (or S) Jones rather than Mrs David Jones implies she was divorced- ever since I have been a bit picky about it. Agree hate ‘guys’ / ‘mate’
Im stumped on how to address envelopes to same-sex couples who have married? Any ideas? Is Mrs & Mrs Surname appropriate? (Or Mr & Mr)? I've just put Firstname & Firstname up to now but it looks a bit disrespect I think? Help!
FORGIVE THE CAPITALS!! COMPUTER PROBLEMS!!! MY BEST FRIEND HAS LIVED WITH HER PARTNER FOR ABOUT 40 YEARS. THEY HAVE NOT MARRIED. WHEN I WRITE TO HER I ALWAYS ADDRESS THE ENVELOP AS MS P. SMITH-JONES, ADDING BOTH SURNAMES FOR HER AND HER PARTNER. WHEN OUT WITH HER ONCE WE MET SOMEBODY FROM HER VILLAGE WHO ADDRESSED HER AS MRS. JONES, WHEN SHE WAS ACTUALLY MISS SMITH, AND STILL IS.
Why not, to whom it may concern, solves the Sir/Madam problem.
Any cards that we need to send through the post were the couple are unmarried, I would address in either of these ways: Mary & John Smith-Jones for example as I think this acknowledges them politely. If it was a formal invitation then probably write their full names Mary Smith & John Jones. If I was seeing them face to face at a party or family gathering would just hand them the card with the first names only on the envelope.
I don't write many formal letters or emails these days, but would still write Dear Sir/Madam, maybe drop the "dear" depending on the contents of the letter in question. I don't really know what you would write in place of it unless you were to say Dear Mr.... or Dear Mrs....etc. some of these ways we were taught at school are imprinted on our way of doing things.
What I don't like is when I receive newsletters through the post a few times a year from charities I support addressing me just by my first name, like they are my best friends. I have never met them so prefer Mrs J.
My best friend who I have known all my life insists on addressing me on envelopes as Mrs 'A' Surname when my initial is 'H' & DH is A.
It drives me potty. I remind her she calls herself a feminist but she still insists it is the 'correct' way to do it.
I now put ALL her initials on envelopes as I know she hates her 2 middle names.
That drives her potty so we are quits & still best friends!
Oh I put “Your Ladyship” but they still call me Bella!
Our dentist gave out a form for patients to fill in. Among the questions was 'How would you like to be addressed'. Naturally I put Madam.
Strangely, they all seem to call me Jane. Sooooo disrespectful.
Agree with your second para grannyticktock.
I notice it has been quite common for some years now to address people by both their names as in Dear Jane Smith. That would be in a formal situation obviously.
With cards to friends, I use Firstname(s) Surname, no titles.
When writing a formal letter to an organisation, and you don't have a name to address the correspondence to, there doesn't seem to be much option except "Dear Sir/Madam". If it's an email, you can get away with no salutation, or just "FAO Customer Services" etc, but a written letter needs something to start it off.
BBbevan
I would dislike to receive a letter or e-mail starting' Hi guys' .I am not a guy in any sense of the word. Wouldn't mind 'Hi BB' but guy No !
And I'm definitely not a madam, either ?
I take delight in addressing letters to Mrs & Mr especially if the Mrs is my friend and the Mr just her husband.
I haven’t used a title for years and years I m just Jane Plain not Mrs Miss or Ms that sounds like a bee in distress
Addressing letters or cards I used first and surname Joan Cone or MarkTime
If it was a formal letter it would be sir/madam I have no idea of what a person with fluid identity or trans would want to be addressed as Dear What ?????
Apart from cards to a couple of OH's very aged cousins, I simply use first name and surname on the envelope for just about everyone. I prefer to receive things addressed that way, too. I can just about tolerate being labelled Ms but loathe being styled Mrs.
As for Dear Sir/Madam; if I know the name of the person I'm writing to, then it's Dear Peter Pratt or Dear Felicity Fusspot. If I can't find out the name, they'll have to live with Dear Sir/Madam. Life's too short to pander to this sort of preciousness!
I would dislike to receive a letter or e-mail starting' Hi guys' .I am not a guy in any sense of the word. Wouldn't mind 'Hi BB' but guy No !
I haven't felt comfortable for using 'Dear Sir or Madam' for some time now, and even less comfortable using 'Dear Madam'.
I wouldn't verbally address someone under maybe 70 using those words, so don't feel right doing it in writing either.
Dear Thingy
I was thinking about the double barrelled surname problem and thinking that many children these days have double-barrelled forenames, eg Ellie-Mae, Lola-May, Amelia-Rose etc and thinking what a mouthful it all is.
eg Miss (or Ms or Ze) Amelia-Rose Cartington-Smythe
Fancy having to write that on the front of your school exercise books.
lilypollen
How do you decide whose surname to use? Do you always use the man's or does it depend which of the two you know best/have known longest?
For partners I put e.g. Tessa, and Rick Field. I know it's wrong to have a comma before and!!
anno apparently for business purposes the old rules don’t apply. A friend got a rocket the other day by writing Dear Sir/Madam from a person with a female name who said she identified as a man and was seriously offended being addressed in such a manner and would not respond to a letter addressed in such a manner. Friend was trying to figure out if saying Dear you was the best way forward ?
Dear Sir or Madam, as the case may be.
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