How to deal with a sociopath?

Thanks for all the above, I know this is not about me but so much resonates. Luckily I am not directly involved and have a lovely family but the person I am thinking of has children and I constantly worry about them but cannot think of anything I can do to help them.

I witnessed this growing up with a similar father controlling my mother,i was powerless to act,and the shadow it has cast over mine and others lives has been damaging. My brother repeated the pattern and treats his wife the same. My mother suffered for over 65 years my sister in law over 40.It can be suffocating to be under the grip of such monsters,all they know is power and control. Try to point you daughter in the direction of understanding about sociopaths, then hopefully she will gather strength and leave.give her all the love and support you can. These people are monsters, and little can be done to change them.

I lived in a relationship like that for 17 years. It was a living nightmare but you get so ground down it becomes the “norm” I was isolated from having a social life, felt I was thick, ugly and fat. Best thing ever was when he found someone else and buggered off

This is a very upsetting post to read. I've suffered my fair share of bullies but not this. All I can advise is that everyone, friends and family, do not give up. Keep the lines of communication open. Keep on inviting to social events and try to make sure isolation doesn't escalate - if possible. These people are very clever I'm afraid.

Absent, really good post. Will be reassuring to NudeJude that her DD will hopefully eventually realise how bad her situation is. Just as a matter of interest NudeJude, is this controlling rat financially well off? May well be a factor in why DD is reluctant to accept her situation is not normal.

My daughter's husband was a controller. He made tiny remarks all the time to put her in her place. Thankfully she found he was cheating on her last November and she made him leave. He moved straight into the new girlfriend's house and guess what, they broke up last week. Now he's staying with his parents and suddenly has started being nice to my daughter again. After he'd left, different members of the family mentioned things he'd said to my daughter. When it all added up we realised how bad her marriage had been. She has been damaged but has had support from Womens Aid. Our 7 year old granddaughter has also suffered. She is having melt downs and her teacher is concerned. All I can say, is keep being there for your daughter and let her know she always has you to keep her safe when she needs it.

Good post absent I agree the only thing NudeJude can do is to keep contact and let her daughter know she is loved and supported. When the crash comes as it will just be there for unconditional love.

absent, I expect your post will help the OP. Thank you x

I had a sociopathic partner who was massively controlling and also violent. He stole my address book, rang all my friends and told them that I was having a mental breakdown and the "doctor" said that they should not get in touch with me. He told my local friends when we met up in the pub on Sundays "not to make me laugh". Happily, they all ignored him. My family also kept in touch and, although I don't think they had any real idea of what was I was enduring behind closed doors, they were aware and caring about something not being right. I am a highly educated and intelligent woman but I allowed this man to reduce me and reduce me until I was lesser and no longer myself and didn't even believe what I knew was happening to me. Eventually the time came when I decided enough was enough and ejected him from my house and ignored his constant telephone calls, erratic visits, appearances at places/people I was visiting and his constant pleas to return.

I can only say stay in touch with your daughter any way you can – visits, phone calls, e-mails, twitter, snail mail, funny postcards, whatever works. Make it clear to her that you are there but you are not interfering. Isolation is part of the key to this man's behaviour, so get in touch with her friends, her siblings, her cousins, her neighbours – anyone who was part of her normal life. It will take her time; give her time but keep a careful watch.

I hope she is out of this horrendous situation soon and send you my love.

This is similar to the way cults brainwash people, by isolating them from normality. I do hope a time will come when your daughter realises this is extreme abuse.

I don't know if this will help and I doubt you could get her to read it without his knowing but I send it anyway.

www.gov.nl.ca/VPI/types/wheelsofpower.html

Unfortunately there is little you can do until she realises it for herself. Even if you say to the partner that you would like to speak to your daughter alone and not have him listening in to what are actually private conversations, he will only turn it round on you and put you at fault.
If you say anything against him, she won't probably believe you - he will have her so brainwashed to the point that she believes he is the only one she can count on.
I really, really hope that soon she will realise how small her world has shrunk and hope that you will still be there to help her pick up the pieces - you are her link with reality and he needs to know there is someone that doesn't believe in him and may be the chink in his armour

Coercive control is illegal but I have no idea how you get her to understand. They get away with it because they have control. I know someone like and know they are ill but they would never accept that diagnosis so I cannot see a way to help. I feel sorry for them as they have a very lonely life, superficial friends but no real ones.