Would you ask?

not read any of the comments, bit rushed for time this a.m.
but the posting.
wow! I wish I could have had my gks with me when they were younger, and if I needed finances from ds and dil I would have told them...
so I am blessed by dil , but missed having gks stay with me a lot

When I used to look after my nephew, his mum used to drop him off with a bag full of nappies etc as well as things for his lunch - really good as he was a very picky eater and even different brands of things made a difference!
I see no reason to ask the mum to supply the food - just say that he doesn't seem to like anything you give him because "it's not as good as mummy's" Hopefully she will let him see what is being packed up and it will help!

Slightly different angle my DD And DGD live with us and we pay for everything. We also look after our youngest DGS 3 days a week we again pay for everything. We on occasions look after 2 more older DGC. Feeding everyone one can get quite expensive. They'd have to pay if they were looking after them! I help so all parents and work but at times feel they take advantage. Trying talk to DS and DIL about the situation. Good luck

Having watched others friends being completely taken for granted re childcare. I made it quite clear to my DD that whilst we would help out with childcare, we would not be responsible for 5 days a week. She can work from home a day or two a week and her OH is also working from home.
They can afford a nursery but I feel that between all of us the baby care can be sorted out until she is older.
Thats my choice and it feels good.
We travel and have already said we would not cover any childcare in Dec and March next year.
Such a shame that other GP have worked all their lives and then have to look after GC especially if its a financial burden.
Some talk over a coffee to figure out the future for the GC is always the best option rather than GP feeling put upon.
Good luck everyone with the little ones.

I did expect nappies and wipes. I was offered money for food which I accepted and kept for days out or visits to places whilst they were with me. I did accept petrol money once I was driving to school and back ( 3.5 miles each way) twice a day. If you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t have to worry about asking, but I can see it might cause problems. The thought of more than 2 children including a toddler 5 days a week would give me nightmares, even though I’m sure we’d cope.

I agree with Urmstongran for the sake of your own health you need to drastically reduce the amount of child care you are giving. Your family are taking advantage of your kindness Bopeep and need a wake up call.
Decide in advance how much care you are prepared to give then get them all together to talk it through. As someone else said surely the parents could stagger some of the holiday time and share the care. Good luck

In my opinion this is above and well beyond the call of duty. I bet you feel like Mother Hubberd with the children who lived in a shoe!

No time to live your own life. Just to be able to rest up, read, watch tv, go for a walk.

Sorry I’d be saying ‘I’ve done the best I can to give you all a push off from the dock but as from ...... (give them a date say end of September) .... you need to sort out alternative arrangements for childcare as I’m worn out’.

Jeez.

They had their children. They chose to have more.

You’re a grandma, not a childcare provider. You need to look after yourself now. x

I feel you are being taken advantage of. You are probably older than when you first started and they will probably expect you to do this every holiday now. You need ti be honest so they can sort out holidy clunpbs. I would like to see one of them have all those children SIX days a week for all the hours they will be away. Next you'll hear how they had some "me time" at lunchtime or one afternoon off etc. The expense is far too much, but so is the time. Good luck OP!

At least they could hand over the child benefit, pro rata, as you are the one doing all the caring and feeding on those days and your DC are the ones benefiting from your goodwill and also in their pockets by not spending the child benefit on their children.
Perhaps they do need to work - but I do hope that is not funding holidays etc at your expense.

However, I agree with others that you could become ill from exhaustion, your husband is unhappy with the situation and it is time for some straight talking.

You could show your DC this thread for a start.
I feel cross on your behalf; no wonder the other grandparents said no to any childcare because perhaps they realised that they would be in the same position as you.

I get the point about the cost, I didn’t realise the extent of your childcare

But I think, more importantly, that this is going to wear you out! I’m tired after my baby days, but I get six days to recover, often in the holidays I have several staying, which they love, but when they all go home, I’m exhausted

You aren’t getting any time to yourself, I agree with M0nica, time for some straight talking!

I have just taken on board that it is three meals a day, six days a week.

So OP says this amount of care is too much for her but not giving it will cause her children financial difficulties so she will not do it.

Fair enough, its her choice, but what happens when all this non-stop work causes her health to fail and she has to go from 6 days a week to no days a week. What happens then?

I think she needs to have a long straight talk with her children and state the facts: that she finds coping with umpteen children 6 days a week too much and this has to be reduced or she will become ill and be doing no days a week - and health breakdowns are usually sudden so the care could well go 6 to 0, overnight.

She also needs to tell them she can not afford to feed that many children that many meals. It is a parents job to feed the children and as they are not doing it themselves, they must make a contribution to her instead.

I would reckon £5 a day per child.

You are running a crèche Bopeep

Yes Sara, and if Bopeep was being paid the going rate, say £30 per day per child, which is probably a very conservative estimate, she’d be earning £120 a day, £720 a week during the school holidays
I’m not suggesting for a minute that anyone would charge the going rate for looking after their own grandchildren, but it kind of puts it in perspective.

You are running a crèche Bopeep!

Just to make things clear i look i look after two pre school children one 5 days a week, mon -fri 7-30-5 the other 3 days including Saturday 8-3. In the holidays i then add there siblings. The full time ones i feed three meals a day the part time ones i only give them two meals mum gives them tea when they get home.

I’m with Callistemon

I have mine once a week, a bit more in the holidays, I too enjoy it, but I don’t think I’d be enjoying it much if I was facing six days a week

When exactly do these children see their parents?

I agree, janeainsworth - why can't the parents stagger their holidays?

If this is more than one family, possibly four parents, then that could be one week each during the long school holidays taking it in turn to do childcare, two weeks that you do - and juggle their days so that you don't have to do six days every week.

I'm not surprised your DH gets fed up. You need time together too.

Bopeep14 you must be a saint and an exhausted one .

Six days a week?

I don't know how old you are, but I found two days exhausting (but enjoyable). When it becomes a full-time job and you are not really managing it is time to have a re-think and a calm discussion.

BoPeep - if you are feeding them three meals a day five days a week then surely you could expect a portion of the child benefit to help towards the food etc!

When I looked after mine when they were tiny they came complete with their well-packed baby bag full of nappies, wipes (I try not to use them though), spare clothes etc.

We could afford to provide these but DIL always sent them with whatever was needed, including toddler snacks etc.
If we have them in the holidays and take them out now she always offers to pay the costs - we don't take it, but if I couldn't afford it I would gratefully accept.

I am astonished at the expectations of some, not all, of today's young parents.

Blimey! I am truly shocked by the assumption that GPs will bring up the babies for free.
A friend with 2 small DC is about to return to work in a professional job, full time and she has been desperately looking for good childcare,
I don't know if she has found anything as she was quoted £1000 per week for a nanny which she could not afford.
I realise there are GPs who do this and think little of it and are honoured to be asked but you cannot be out of pocket.

In your circumstances I would not hesitate to explain to my AC that you find the cost of feeding and doing everything for their child expensive and difficult to afford and could they afford to give you a specified sum of money towards those expenses in the holiday.

They must know your financial circumstances and understand your request.

That is what I would not hesitate to say to my children in your circumstances, but I realise that some people have very convoluted realtionships with their children, despite the care they provide for GC, so you probably no best wither this straight forward approach would be well received.

My cousins looked after their 2 GC several days a week so that DD could go back to work part-time. I don't know about all the arrangements, but I understand that they were paid for doing it. Less expensive than a nursery and GPs got to spend time with the children.
I didn't pay my parents, but the childcare tended to be part-time and they were only next door so could get at necessary supplies and only had to give one meal a day.
Expecting free childcare with everything supplied by GPs is just a cheek.

To be honest, six days a week is way too much, I know where you’re coming from, I too fell into the trap of looking after one of my daughters children, and now there are three, but that’s only one days a week, and for the most part I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t consider six days

I think your problem goes way beyond the cost of food

Bopeep14 Absolutely absolutely understand where you are coming from. You probably started off with one grandchild and could manage everything for the one but as the family has grown the 'demands' not to mention cost have escalated out of control.

My advice is.....be honest! Tell your children you are finding it hard financially.

We ALL want to help our kids BUT remember THIS should be a time of relaxation and possibly a little more financial security to spend on yourself! You probably scrimped and saved when your own kids were young and now find you are having to do it again?

Just be honest - don't try to be superhuman and am sure things will be sorted x

I don't think I would wait until you are couple of weeks in but I would offer a choice as in "would you like to drop off extra groceries for the weeks when the older ones are here our do you want to me to do the shopping and let you know what it costs?" It may just be the nudge that is needed.