dancing queen

Going back 8 years of so. My daughter got a simple but beautiful dress from Debenhams sale - reduced from £100 to £25, matching shoes and bag brought the total spent to around £60. Obviously we were lucky to get these bargains but she did her own hair & make up - looked so lovely and no-one could have guessed just how little we had spent.

Proms? In one word NAF.
Showing off, excluding some because of economics, stretching parents money for one night in a flashy, frankly NAF (that word again) show. Is this really a good example for our teenagers? What was wrong with the good old school disco? Love America but why do we have to copy them?

I can't help thinking that besides the American influence this also has class system echoes. When I was at training college many years ago Universities had summer balls and there was a lot of competition to get a boy to go with (Unis in those days being mostly male). It was a great experience going to one, but I'm pleased I wasn't just 15 or 16 (or even younger) when it happened I wouldn't have enjoyed it half as much. I was too self conscious. So the Summer Ball has become the School Prom.

The cost of all this is just wasteful, and unnecessary and something that's been copied from America. My own children just had a school disco when they left and that was it. When I left school we were allowed to have a non-uniform day on the last day to mark the occasion and took autograph books with us so that our favourite teachers and friends could write little comments in them as a sort of keepsake.

This must be so difficult for parents who just can't come up with the goods - what a wretched situation and all for a few hours. i read some years ago of the mother of a primary age child who was leaving to go to senior school and her mother took on two cleaning jobs to pay for a fantastic dress, professional makeup (??) and a limousine for her daughter to go to the end or school disco. It cost her about £2,000 and her rationale was that her daughter needed a day to remember. I just don't get this at all - they could have gone to Disneyland Paris for a week on that kind of money - I suppose I am just a miserable old cow too!

My daughter is 43 and my son is 39. They both had what was called a school formal. I remember spending around £60 on my daughter's dress which was black velvet with midnight blue trimmings. She looked gorgeous. My son hired a tuxedo. Imagine my annoyance when he came home minus the jacket. He said one of the girls was cold so he gave her his jacket. He couldn't quite remember who it was, so the next day we were visiting all the girls homes to find the jacket. Luckily we got it back, otherwise the hire company would have charged us a fortune.

We had a school dance to end the year in Wales. I had a beautiful lemon dress made by my dressmaker Auntie. But I had to wear my white socks with my tiny heels cream shoes. The other girls looked so glamorous BUT the school heart throb (bit like Robert Redford) chose ME to dance and invited me to the Cinema.

When I last taught Year 11s their minds were far more focussed on their school Prom than on their English Language GSCE, particularly the girls.

My dd never went to her prom because i refused to spend so much money on a dress for 3 hours i allocated 200 the dress she wanted was a lot more its ridiculous that we are put under that pressure . What happened to the school leavers disco

A few years ago I was in monsoon with one of my daughters who was older and buying a dress for another occasion.

I was stood around waiting, chatting to a woman who was buying her daughter a prom dress. This poor girl must have tried on every dress in the shop, she was slightly plump, awkward, none of them fit her properly, but her mum gushed over every one, she was clearly extremely uncomfortable about the whole thing, I bet if someone had told her the prom had been cancelled, she’d have heaved a massive sigh of relief !

When my younger son was in his final year at high school, planning for the Summer prom by some over-enthusiastic parents started after Hallowe'en the previous year.

As other posters have described, the whole bandwagon started to roll - organising frocks for the lasses, highland dress for the lads, hair and nail apps, tanning sessions, limousines, photographers etc etc. More time and effort was put into this event by some than was ever expended on studying or preparing for exams.

Then, the week before the big occasion, a minor infringement of a school rule resulted in three pupils being banned from attending the prom. Appeals were made to overturn what seemed to be a harsh punishment, but to no avail. As a result, many kids withdrew from attending as a protest. Instead, they held a dress- down BBQ and bonfire on the beach, wearing jeans and eating hotdogs and having great fun.

Twelve years later, my boy's pals still have an annual beach party to share happy memories of that night and talk about the prom that never was.

Agree with BradfordLass. I find the prom idea wrong on so many levels. It does exclude students whose parents cannot afford the dress, transport, hair, nails, shoes plus the after party! Tickets themselves are not cheap. My sister paid over £300 for my neice’s prom dress & that was 5 years ago.
It is very materialistic, plus the pressure of which boy is going to the prom with which girl.
In the school where I used to teach, they have the whole big prom thing at 16 (end of year 11) as they all have to go onto education or training, many of them stay at the school for sixth form, at the end of sixth form they have a leavers barbecue - much more inclusive!
As well as the prom let’s not forget the Year Books and Leavers Hoodies - again more expense for parents.

Callistemon, I know it was for 11 year olds, my GGD was one 2 years ago, leaving primary school ! ( rolls eyes )

Well said BradfordLass72.

We spend time and effort bringing up our children to believe appearances are less important than personality; that character is preferable to the prodigal spending of money.

And yet we stand back year after year and allow this imported parade of trivial, inconsequential, expensive nonsense which reinforces every negative stereotype and excludes children whose parents cannot afford such ridiculous artifice, to continue.

Despite so many parents being very much against it

If every parent who disagreed with the profligacy, made this clear to the schools - and asked to go back to the casual end-of-term party, I'd like to bet the majority of teenagers would sigh with relief that they are no longer to be put under such appalling pressure - and can actually enjoy the evening of music, food and fun.

GabriellaG54, we don't do " basking " in our neck of the woods. Nor do I do condescending.

In the real world, not yours, there are lots of underprivileged children in case you haven't noticed and we as a family help out where help is needed.

What do you find that's wrong in that ?

paddyann I think something similar is being planned for DGC's class of primary school leavers, but probably an activity followed by a bbq.
I can say no more, it's a surprise

EllanVannin this was for 11 year olds leaving primary school?

Mid 60s leaving disco. I wore an Aran sweater and tartan pleated skirt. I was hot in more ways than one !!

EllanVannin
less fortunate, underprivileged ?
Those words, in the context of the thread, sound condescending.
Sounds like posturing to me.
I hope your daughter basked in the glow.

Was I the only one who saw the title of the thread and immediately thought of the cringing moment Theresa May robotically ‘danced’ on stage at the Conservative party conference last year to ‘Abba’?

?

There was nothing at my school, we just left!

Like Kittylester, mine had “Leavers Balls” I can’t recall any expense apart from a dress

My granddaughter however, seemed to take months planning it, enormous expense for my daughter, then she was excluded a few days before for a fairly minor demeanour, my daughter managed to persuade them to let her go, so luckily all was not lost!

In the photos, the girls all looked amazing, like models, but it seems a stupid amount of fuss and expense to me!

Our local primary school has a prom,the streets have been awash with stretch limos that cant actualy turn in this street and as its a cul de sac there's no alternative.My oldest GD is at a small village school and theres only 12 in her class ...just 2 of them girls .No prom ,a Sunday day out at an activity centre and dinner at an Italian restaurant owned by one of her classmates family and gifted by his dad .Much more age appropriate too than the full makeup and dresses that are far too old for 12 year olds I've seen leaving my street.

They even have proms for pre-schools these days - ridiculous in my opinion!