Gransnet forums

Chat

Son, Dil and GC moving away, no family near by anymore

(24 Posts)
Paasta Thu 04-Jul-19 15:42:03

My son, Dil and their three children are moving to Australia next month, it seems silly worrying about it now as they've been planning this for years so I've had plently of time to prepare myself but it all seems very real now. Whilst I'm so excited and happy for them I'm also very upset to see them go. They've lived around the corner for the past few years so I'm used to seeing them everyday and looking after my GC regularly. I don't know what I'll do without them. Especially as this means I won't have any family in the area anymore, my daughter lives a few hours away because of work though she does try to come up as much as she can and I go and see her sometimes. My only other living relatives are all living abroad. I do have good friends but it's odd not having much family anymore. I'll certainly miss being able to watch my GC grow up like I have been able to. I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation

EllanVannin Thu 04-Jul-19 16:55:29

Paasta, I know the feeling. I said my goodbyes to D and SiL on Tuesday after their visit here from Sydney. They emigrated in 1981 and have made a couple of visits over the years the same as I have been there to them.
I have 3 AGC there who do fortunately know me. It was so difficult at first and I felt very unsettled even though I've got family here, it's just that feeling that someone's missing that you have to get used to.

Then I started thinking about it being a better life for them all there and over the years that becomes evident as they're all thankfully fit and healthy, though I'll never stop missing them.
This last visit was all the more poignant because all I kept thinking was that I won't see them again, age etc being the barrier with me and the family will have to work hard in order to save up enough to come again, which could be in another 12 years.

At least I have family and friends here unlike yourself, which must be worse with no family living near.

You could always perhaps go for holidays too which breaks up the time and gives you something to look forward to.

It is heartbreaking make no mistake but there's always skype and emails and the phone of course-----I used to have enormous phone bills !

Esther1 Thu 04-Jul-19 18:24:40

I really feel for you Paasta. My two eldest children both emigrated to Sydney with their spouses and it was so hard to be brave, particularly after they both had babies born within months of each other. I went out to visit as much as I could but it was getting harder and harder. Then, to my joy, they both emigrated back, as Australian citizens, which of course leaves the door open, but they missed family (and especially a doting granny I hope) and now they are back in my life and I am so happy. So all I can say is, you have to be positive even though your heart is breaking- and of course they may miss family support too and return as mine did.

Willow500 Thu 04-Jul-19 18:41:02

I can empathise with you too - my youngest son emigrated to NZ 6 years ago and my other son lives 3 hours away. Now my parents are no longer here we too are on our own. I'm thankful they are all fit and heathy and that is what we focus on. The NZ crew are coming home for Christmas which is wonderful but saying goodbye to them again will not be.

Try to stay positive (in front of them especially) - Skype and Face Time is very good and you already know your GC so they will be excited to share their new lives with you. You do get used to it but it doesn't stop you missing them sadly.

sodapop Thu 04-Jul-19 19:46:07

My family emigrated too Paasta it was hard for me but a great adventure and a whole new life for them. No face time or Skype then we had to rely on the post and the phone.
Be happy for them, its good for our children to move on with their lives and have these new experiences. Of course you will miss them, parenting was never going to be easy.

Atalaya Fri 05-Jul-19 11:08:29

It’s really hard

Bijou Fri 05-Jul-19 11:14:08

All my family live miles away and I can no longer travel. However I get regular photos and videos on Messenger and in school holidays FaceTime. As long as they are all well and happy I am content.

Lolly69 Fri 05-Jul-19 11:21:11

No family at all now - you get used to it, just a but of a pain when asked for emergency contact name - when travelling i give the name of my dog sitter! 😃

jaylucy Fri 05-Jul-19 11:24:13

At least you will be able to Facetime or Skype and start to plan your first visit to them !
I think that this will be the time where you start to build up your network of friends, either by social means or groups (WI ?) where you may find more than one person in the same situation as yourself. Gone are the days of having your mother 2 doors down, an aunt round the corner and brothers and sisters within walking distance.
Would it be an idea to start a group for people to meet up for coffee or a meal etc? If your locality has a Facebook group, post on there to ask if anyone would be interested then you can start to get to know people by chatting to them on there before arranging your first meet up!

keffie Fri 05-Jul-19 11:49:12

Out of my 4 youngsters 2 live abroad and 2 locally thank goodness. I know how you feel but dont if that makes sense.

It was still upsetting when they went abroad though I never let them know that. They went with our blessing.

Only one of our sons is married who lives locally. They have 2 children who I help look after. I know they wont move as our DiL is too close to her mom and is a homebird which is a relief.

Chinesecrested Fri 05-Jul-19 11:50:46

My friends spend 6 mths here and 6 mths in Oz with their ds and his family. Always summertime, no winters anymore.

Maremia Fri 05-Jul-19 12:02:27

There used to be a terrible thing called the American Wake which happened in Ireland,when youngsters were going off to the States to make a living. The families knew they would never see them again, so they had this very sad 'send off' event. Good luck to all of you who are far away from your families.

Marieeliz Fri 05-Jul-19 12:39:57

Lolly69 I know the feeling especially when being asked for next of kin. I only have my friend, who is older than me. I also feel sometimes it is a bit much asking a friend to take on that responsibility.

Although she is letting me move in with her while I move to a bungalow and have it decorated.

Tigertooth Fri 05-Jul-19 14:12:34

Hi Paasta
I don’t know if it’s possible but my friend is an only child and she went with her 1 and 3 yr olds to Australia with Aussie husband. Friend was inconsolable but she managed to downsize in the Uk and bought a tiny studio flat in Sydney - she spends winters with them but is in her own place so not under their feet. And summers here - she absolutely loves it.

Callistemon Fri 05-Jul-19 15:13:57

That sounds wonderful, but Sydney property is incredibly expensive.

I hope you can manage to visit and that they can come back to see you too as often as possible, Paasta.
It is different to seeing them once or twice a week because you see them for short, concentrated time, then have to wait for a year.
Are you settled where you are or could you move nearer your daughter?

Absgran Fri 05-Jul-19 16:19:46

I do know how you feel. I have two daughters one of which moved to Europe with her husband and two children (there has since been a 3rd grandchild born) 3 years ago. It was very hard as I was very close to the grandchildren as I looked after them several days a week. Also the 3rd is still very young and I worry that I will not have the same bond with him. However they have a wonderful life there and are thriving which helps. I visit several times a year and so look forward to these. I know this is not the same as Australia. I FaceTime as often as I can to keep in touch. My other child lives 3 hours away so I don’t see as much of her as I would like. As I’m retired I do rely on friends for some social life in my hometown.

Twig14 Fri 05-Jul-19 16:27:33

I totally understand how you feel my DS n his family work in Tokyo. I found out couple of weeks ago my DD n SiL moving out to Dubai in August. Like you no immediate family around it’s tough. Especially as I have been ill this year and just getting a little better. I don’t know what to say to you apart from the usual phone calls Face Time etc just try to join as many things as possible to cheer yourself up. X

GuestCorrectly Fri 05-Jul-19 19:29:15

We keep in touch with our son and partner in New Zealand mainly by WhatsApp enabling us to leave messages regardless of the time difference and to have frequent video calls. They visited for a month recently and whilst it was wonderful to have them here, I actually missed our online banter. We don’t have grandchildren yet, but friends in a similar situation who do rely on video calls via WhatsApp, FaceTime or Skype to keep in touch and chat regularly with their grandchildren. Without doubt there are benefits to modern technology

annep1 Fri 05-Jul-19 20:05:17

I do empathise. I rarely see mine. I've got used to just calls videos and photos. But I'll always be sad. You just learn to live with it.

OPgrndtr Fri 05-Jul-19 23:26:23

DH and I are also without family. We are the caregivers of my 84 y/o mum. She has been having us get her affairs in order. We realized that after she is gone there will only be the two of us. His D and GD are estranged from us, and my S is estranged from me and won't let my GC contact us. When one of us dies that will leave the other with nobody to take care of final arrangements for them. We haven't figured out how to get the last one of us taken care of in the last days. Since we have been tied down to mum we have no friends or social life anymore. We have prearranged plans at the funeral home, but how will the last one get there?

Paasta Sat 06-Jul-19 12:08:58

Thank you for all your replies. It's going to take some getting used to but I know I will eventually. I've never had much family but I have realised lately how little I have nowadays. On the bright side it's a good excuse for some nice holidays

Leavesden Sat 06-Jul-19 19:08:26

I would either go abroad with your family or move nearer to your daughter, better than being on your own , lifes for living, a new adventure.

Paasta Sat 06-Jul-19 21:29:00

I don't think I could afford it, I couldn't afford to move to Australia and my daughter lives in London which is expensive too. If I moved there I wouldn't be able to afford trips to visit them. I am quite settled where I am, I sometimes wish I had been more adventurous when I was younger, maybe I would have left the area to somewhere more exciting but I'm glad my children are doing it

annep1 Mon 08-Jul-19 09:36:13

Leavesden makes a good point.
OPgrndtr what a dilemma. It must be a problem for many people. Another thread maybe?