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Does anyone else still feel a bit lost without their Mum?

(138 Posts)
Kandinsky Sat 20-Jul-19 20:22:51

I’m 56 & my Mum passed away 5 years ago, yet I still feel a bit ‘lost’ & uncertain about everything.
My Mum lived to a good age & I know ‘that’s life’ but I just never imagined life without her.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Hellsbelles Sun 21-Jul-19 19:18:52

Used to phone my mum every day for a chat. If something had happened (i.e twin towers, or a famous person had died etc ) She would be the first person I'd ring.
She became I'll and I went to stay with her. I ended up caring for her for 3 months before she died.
She was my best friend and I really miss her. It's been over 5 years now but I'll often ,even if fleetly , think I'll give her a call.

Saggi Sun 21-Jul-19 19:08:26

My mum died ten years ago...and sometimes when I first wake up and am still little groggy, I think about ringing mum today for a chat...then realisation hits. I smile at myself though...but it doesn’t make me sad anymore .I do miss her advice , though I don’t think I ever took it, but she loved to give it anyway.

Nanny27 Sun 21-Jul-19 18:55:59

I am preparing to say goodbye to my lovely mum and hoping that I can be as strong for her as some of you inspiring ladies.

Grandmama Sun 21-Jul-19 18:52:36

I miss both my parents. My father died very suddenly in his very early 50s when I was 16. My mother suffered from anxiety and depression and depended for support on my father. The light went out for her when he died and she died a miserable and unhappy 10 years later. She and I had a difficult relationship in those 10 years, she worried incessantly about me and my relationships - even though I had had 3 years away at college and then had returned back home to a teaching post - so in some ways her death was a relief, it enabled me to spread my wings, grow up and become an adult at last. But my father would have been so proud of me, becoming a teacher and inheriting his DIY skills and passing my driving test first time etc. My mother would have eventually been proud of my home-making and gardening skills. Both parents would have been wonderful grandparents, I'm so sad that both died before I married and had children. I hope we meet up when I die. There's a lot to tell them. sad

SirChenjin Sun 21-Jul-19 18:38:40

aonk that very sad thanks You’re right, those of us who were close to our mums were lucky to have them for as a long as did. I don’t think we’re ever really ready to say goodbye to our much loved mums, regardless of what great age they get to

oldgimmer1 Sun 21-Jul-19 18:32:13

I don't miss her on an everyday level. We had a fraught relationship but I think of her - and my father - often.

My mother loved tennis and rugby (I'm Welsh). She was a big fan of Australian Ken Rosewall and I remember her running down the street towards home after work in tears because Rosewall was losing. She got in just in time to see him win!

I can't watch the rugby without thinking of her, and how she would have reacted to Wales' rather unpredictable performances.

She was uncompromising too; when Stan Smith and Ilie Nastase played each other one Wimbledon final, I was packed off to Chapel as usual, even though I had a terrible crush on Nastase (who didn't). blush.

I can't remember if I got to see any of the game, but Mr Nasty lost (again).

I couldn't do much to impress my mother, but I think she was genuinely delighted when I gave birth to DD (although she swore blind she would NOT be helping with childcare....). DD was just 2 when my mother died.

Mollyplop Sun 21-Jul-19 18:28:14

Witchypoo sending you a big hug xx

Fennel Sun 21-Jul-19 18:10:53

Minimoon wrote -
"I don't really miss my mum all that much in a physical sense. I miss not being able to ask her things family related. She was the one I went to when I wanted to know what was going on in the wider family, cousins and their children for example. She anchored everyone, and without her I'm rather adrift."
That's how I feel about my Mum, who died aged 87 in 2002.
It puts us, the next generation, into that same position.
A very happy day today as we had a visit from eldest son and his wife and 2 teenagers, who live abroad. It made me realise we need to take on the same role. Keep the young ones in touch with the family past.

aonk Sun 21-Jul-19 18:03:27

Ladies I’ve read all your posts about your mothers with great interest and not a little sadness. I have some idea how you feel as I still miss my dear father who died over 20 years ago even though he and I didn’t always agree.
My mother however died when I was 6. She wasn’t spoken about much in my small family and I know little about her. I sometimes wonder if I’m like her at all. I hope it’s ok with you to say that I envy some of you as you have so many memories?

jennyvg Sun 21-Jul-19 17:57:03

My Mum passed away in 2002 five years after my Dad, I still miss her every day, she was the kindest most caring lady you could wish to meet.

Day6 Sun 21-Jul-19 17:36:21

Yes, I miss my Mum so much. Her spirit was so strong and even when diagnosed with terminal cancer in her 80s she was able to lift her children and be ill with such good grace and humour.

I pasted on a smile as she was dying, knowing that the days she'd be in my life were coming to an end. I tried to be upbeat and positive right to the end, for her sake. When she died I broke down.

I miss her cheery presence and good humour so much. She was always singing as she worked. Certain songs bring her right back to me. It seems daft to be a pensioner now, with my own grown up children and to still miss my Mum but a happy part of me died when she did. I still feel her loss and miss our trips out, me walking at snail's pace, her arm tucked in mine.

schnackie Sun 21-Jul-19 16:55:17

My mum and I had an extremely difficult relationship, but I know she loved me very much and I loved her. As she got into her 80's she actually became a much sweeter person and I'm so thankful I have those memories at the end. Even though the relationship was difficult, we had a very intuitive sense about each other, i.e. could just look at each other in a funny situation and start laughing without saying a word. My autistic brother lived with her until she died (she was 83, he was 63) and getting him rehomed etc., took all my energy so I don't think I ever grieved properly for her. He is gone now too, and my dad died in 1995 so sometimes I do feel very sad and wish I could just speak to them about something or other.

KatyK Sun 21-Jul-19 16:52:16

My mum had a very hard life. She married a horrible man who beat and abused her. I don't think cuddling children and telling them she loved them ever entered her head. She was too busy trying to find the means to feed and clothe us. I always had the feeling she didn't like me. sad

Nanny27 Sun 21-Jul-19 16:48:12

My lovely mum is 94 she has heart failure and dementia. I so miss the strong confident mum I had. I miss our phone chats and the times she came to stay. I still visit her when I can and try hard not to cry at the shadow she has become.

Bijou Sun 21-Jul-19 16:39:46

I don’t miss my mother. She was a hard deceitful woman and liar. She never helped me when I was homeless with a small baby just after the war but helped my sister get a Council house by making false declarations. She deceived and was unfaithful to my father who was a very honest man.

BlueSapphire Sun 21-Jul-19 16:38:36

Emelle, you have described my mother to a tee.

Barmeyoldbat Sun 21-Jul-19 16:37:00

Miss my mum, absolutely not BUT I do miss my dad.

KatyK Sun 21-Jul-19 16:32:08

I could have written your post harrigran

Lessismore Sun 21-Jul-19 16:30:41

Very difficult. Mine is still alive but much changed and has just altered her will.. It's not easy.

Oldandverygrey Sun 21-Jul-19 16:26:19

My mother died 11 years ago, she was a wonderful person and had great faith, so I know she has gone to a better place, but I miss her very much.

harrigran Sun 21-Jul-19 16:24:02

I can never remember being kissed or cuddled and the first person to tell me they loved me was DH, I consider my life started at 17 when I met him.

Luckygirl Sun 21-Jul-19 16:07:09

Emelle - "I can never remember sitting on her knee or having a cuddle and she never told me she loved me."

That about sums it up. It takes grit to rise above that - I am heaving with grit!!!

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 21-Jul-19 15:49:32

I admit I don't miss my mum hugely. She was nice but we weren't super close. She died at 77 and it must be around 14/15 years ago. Dad lived another 17 years and somehow muddled along.
A coincidence is that FIL died at 76 and MIL was on her own for a similar time. Mum and FIL did all the finances and practical stuff so when the other was left they didn't know how to cope.

FlexibleFriend Sun 21-Jul-19 14:49:35

Hardly, I was just 14 when my mum died at 48 after two long years of illness. Of course I felt bereft at the time and have felt pangs of sadness at all the milestones in my life not having her there but I've got on with my life as tbh I've mainly known life without my parents. That doesn't mean they haven't massively influenced my life because they have. Those two years when my mum was ill involved a lot of talking between the two of us as we knew what was coming so she did her best to prepare me for life. I think she did a great job.

Shoequeen53 Sun 21-Jul-19 14:47:36

My dad said my mum was the finest human being he ever met. He was absolutely right. She was my best friend. They died, six months apart, in 2015 and the hole they left in my life is huge. I wish so much I could spend one more afternoon with them. As it is I think of them both every day.