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Does anyone else still feel a bit lost without their Mum?

(138 Posts)
Kandinsky Sat 20-Jul-19 20:22:51

I’m 56 & my Mum passed away 5 years ago, yet I still feel a bit ‘lost’ & uncertain about everything.
My Mum lived to a good age & I know ‘that’s life’ but I just never imagined life without her.

Does anyone else feel the same?

crazyH Fri 26-Jul-19 23:56:38

Reading these threads, I feel so sad. My Mum passed away 23 years ago, soon after that my husband left me and then my beloved brother (father figure) died. I still miss them. But I have a new sadness now......my daughter is always saying "mum, I don't know what I'd do without you". She is divorced, 2 teenage children, who will soon leave home. She has 2 brothers, who have their lives and family. I worry about her so much. She is a complex girl, sweet and loving but very opinionated and always rubs people up the wrong way. Oh well, that's life!

MaudLillian Fri 26-Jul-19 23:43:17

Yes. And my grandmothers. I'd give a lot to have just one more day with all of them. Death is so brutally final.

LornaS Wed 24-Jul-19 14:21:22

I lost my Mum 2 years ago at the age of 93. She had dementia for the final 4 years and despite my being nearly 70 when she died I still feel bereft and still miss her so much. We spent much of her last years travelling up to Scotland from Yorkshire to see her every other weekend and although people say it must be a relief not to be doing that I'd gladly have carried on.

TwinLolly Mon 22-Jul-19 20:07:58

GrammaH, I'm sorry to read about your mum's passing.

May the wonderful memories of her bring warmth to your heart. I am sure she will be with you in spirit.

Big hugs.

flowers

GrammaH Mon 22-Jul-19 15:32:14

Thank you misadventure , you're very kind ❤

Gonegirl Mon 22-Jul-19 12:38:35

Lovely pic Urmstongran.

Lost my mum when I was 19.

MissAdventure Mon 22-Jul-19 12:05:08

GrammaH
Sorry for your loss. flowers

CarrieAnn Mon 22-Jul-19 11:46:35

My mum lived with us for more than forty years.She was everything to my family,my boys adored her, especially the one with severe learning disabilities.When she died my husband and I had gone out for the day,and our son found her in the garden, she'd been picking plums!.She was 90 when she died,and woul be 101 if she was still alive.After she died, I couldn't bear to take her ashes away,but eventually took them to an airman's memorial where we used to live and scattered her there.It seemed the right thing to do as my father was killed in the war, before I was born,and he was in the R.A.F.I miss her everyday,and when I go to do something which she thought was her job,I can still hear her telling me to sit down.

Calendargirl Mon 22-Jul-19 10:01:54

My mum died 15 years ago, aged 92. A life well lived and she was ready to go I think. Even now, when I’m watching something on tv I know she would like, I think I must ring her and tell her to put such and such a channel on.
I get great comfort putting flowers on my grandparents grave, (who I never knew) as Mum’s ashes are in there. It’s a little country churchyard, so peaceful, and I always feel she’s among family, friends and neighbours as it’s where she grew up. “At Rest” is inscribed, and it seems so appropriate.

Jani Mon 22-Jul-19 09:57:45

Yes I miss my Mum greatly after 13 years - we were very close - also miss my dear Dad after 2 half years -we were close but got so much closer when Mum died . At first when Mum went my sister and I just ached for her and couldn’t believe we were never going to speak or see them again. I still feel sad after all this time but the saying ‘life goes on’ and ‘time is a great healer’ is really true even though at the time you don’t think it. I always used to phone my parents every day at about six tea time - that’s the worst time for me even now so I fill it with phoning my sister - children or grandchildren - it helps. The pain and the lost feeling does ease after time but there is no real answer to this we all just have to get on with it - sorry I know that sounds harsh x my heart goes out to you all xx

annsixty Mon 22-Jul-19 09:52:56

How I , along with a few other posters ,envy most of you.
I am only sad and upset for my mother that she was incapable of being in a family with all the love and pleasure that brings .
As for confiding in her and taking problems to her, she would have loved that, using it against me at every opportunity.
Keep all your wonderful memories alive and be so thankful that you have them.

GrammaH Mon 22-Jul-19 09:40:04

My mum died last Tuesday. She was nearly 92 and I'm so sad and so lost. I can't begin to imagine how to cope without her

mosaicwarts Mon 22-Jul-19 08:09:59

You've hit the nail on the head Lyndiloo - I could say absolutely anything to my Mum without fear. When my Mum died and I confided in her sister, my aunt, I quickly learnt that her love for me as a niece was nothing like the unconditional love my Mum had shown me.

oldgimmer1 Mon 22-Jul-19 07:05:18

Wow Elrel - thanks for that.

Elrel Mon 22-Jul-19 03:42:00

Oldgimmer - The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes. My mother could recite the whole poem, shed learnt it by heart at school. Once on holiday she came second with it in a talent competition. I was 6 and thrilled to see her on stage reciting. My ‘There’s Mummy!’ Had my embarrassed father shushing me and cringing.
She died 35 years ago and I still miss talking with her.

Lyndiloo Mon 22-Jul-19 03:18:50

I think that your mum loves you more than anyone else will, ever, in your life. Your partner won't, your children won't, anyone you ever meet, won't.

(Sadly, I know that's not true for everyone.)

And when she's gone, you are left missing that all-encompassing, all-forgiving, love.

My mum died 30 years ago, and I still miss her. She was the one person I could go to with any problem at all, and she would listen, sit me down for a cup of tea, while I poured out my heart to her. (Wish I could feel her cuddles now ...)

Some years, I'm momentarily surprised that she hasn't sent me a birthday card!

GrauntyHelen Mon 22-Jul-19 01:02:22

mine is still alive but was never much of a mother to me and I had to mother my sister

GabriellaG54 Mon 22-Jul-19 00:11:44

DM👩🏼+ DD👱‍♀️= ❤

Urmstongran flowers

GabriellaG54 Mon 22-Jul-19 00:01:43

aonk
flowers👋🙂

Urmstongran Sun 21-Jul-19 22:26:16

16 months on and I can’t even go here yet. I’ve not read the posts. It’s too raw.

Mum was 70y when we decided to have an annual week in Ibiza ion holiday together. Best thing we ever did, just the 2 of us till she was 85y.

Such laughter and shared memories.

Here we were 10 months before she died. We didn’t know this was our last one.

Mumben Sun 21-Jul-19 22:06:15

Yes I am lost! My mum died nearly 27 years ago aged 47, I was 28. She was my best friend and I miss her dearly every single day.

oldgimmer1 Sun 21-Jul-19 21:46:34

nanny thinking of you.

I try not to be sad about my mother but try to remember the good times.

She was tough, but funny and self-deprecating. She was always taking the pee out of herself but was a whiz at Latin and Welsh and could translate everything. She loved poetry and described herself as being like Tim the Ostler - with hair "like mouldy hay". God knows what poem that was!

She retired at 55 when my dad suddenly died. She learned to drive and actually got to spend some money (my dad was tight as a duck's a..se).

Always a bit of a moaner, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was so, so tough and brave to the last.

I've never thought of her as a role model but I definitely get my tough, independent streak from her. DD has it too.

I'm glad that I was able to help her enjoy her later years; I took her to the Millennium Stadium when it opened; we went to Pavarotti in the Park together and I took her to Crufts as well on a few occasions.

I didn't quite shake off the not-quite-good-enough daughter tag though. I DID try, honest!

Shirls52000 Sun 21-Jul-19 21:11:05

My mum died 25 years ago from breast cancer, she was only 64 and very vibrant and active. I was 36 at the time with a young family, I still miss her and think of her every day and am heartbroken that my children, her grandchildren,that she loved so much, don t even remember her 😥

Deedaa Sun 21-Jul-19 21:10:04

I don't so much miss my Mum, who died 23 years ago, but I would have loved her to meet her great grandsons. She would have loved them.

SisterAct Sun 21-Jul-19 20:01:14

Oh yes 💕