Gransnet forums



(10 Posts)
Mickyboy67 Tue 30-Jul-19 10:19:57

Hello just joined I’m 67 retired lost my wife 2 years ago, 3 months after moving into our new house to retire to, I lived there for s year, then had a stroke and diognosed with copd, in hospital for weeks, finally came out and stayed with eldest daughter who lived not for from new house, while I recovered and had therapy, ended up staying for 18 months we decided to sell my house as couldn’t manage stairs and the thought of living in house we were going to retire to was hard, did try for a while so my daughter said to come back. Also have another daughter half away away so went to stay there for bit as she works and I could keep a eye on builders doing work on house, all done now neither have partners who live with them, just children they like me living with them, but what do I do long term, keep thinking about getting away long cruise as cold gets to me do drive can’t walk far as right side still weaker after stroke so use mobility scooter for long distance walking, eldest wonts me to come back but I end up paying for food and other bits she does struggle with finances as ex doesn’t pay much, any advice welcome.😔

Lisagran Tue 30-Jul-19 10:56:10

Hello Mickeyboy - what a gorgeous cat! You’ve had a difficult couple of years - it’s good you have your daughters to support you, and you them. Perhaps you could get a ground floor flat near your daughters? A long cruise sounds lovely for you, but would be expensive I guess. Could you afford to go to, say, southern Spain for the winter months? There are gransnetters who have places in Spain who may offer advice. Best of luck

BradfordLass72 Tue 30-Jul-19 11:08:59

If you can afford a cruise Micky, then treat yourself. Travel while you can - the world is a treasure house smile

If you find yourself in New Zealand, you'll never want to leave.

There are many cruises which accept people with disabilities. Perhaps they even provide scooters, just as many shopping malls do now, these cruise ships are huge.

As for long term residence, it sounds as if you get on well enough with your daughters to divide your time between them.

They love you and you clearly love them but do I detect a little reluctance to go back to the eldest?

Is this just because you pay for food and extras? If you pay her board and lodgings that's fair isn't it, or are you paying money you'd rather put towards retirement or your cruise?
If you lived independently you'd surely have to pay out a lot more.

Gorgeous cat by the way smile

tanith Tue 30-Jul-19 11:11:47

Hi and welcome it’s hard losing your partner and just as you were going to enjoy your retirement together.
Lisagrans suggestion of a ground floor flat sounds good if it’s near your daughter, it’s nice to have your own space but still be close by.
Decisions aren’t easy when you don’t have someone to mull it over with, but I’m sure they’ll be lots of suggestions from everyone here.

Mickyboy67 Tue 30-Jul-19 12:11:32

Not reluctant to go back to eldest but she going through tough time with ex, and it’s in rural area not even a pub,

SynchroSwimmer Tue 30-Jul-19 12:28:23

Love your gorgeous cat too!

if I was having to make a decision I would try for a much smaller accessible bungalow....less area to clean and less to look after?...and near your daughter, but retaining independence?

Then maybe winter trips say to the Canaries, lovely weather and good deals to be had in those months, maybe book 2 holidays back to back and stay for a month at a time?...come home to open your post and do your washing, then head off again...😊

whywhywhy Tue 30-Jul-19 12:37:37

Lovely cat. Mick go on the cruises, get out and about as much as possible. You are still young yet so try and enjoy life. I know you have had some health problems and I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. Can you rent a little flat, maybe somewhere between your two daughters? I certainly wouldn't move in permanently with them though. Try and keep some independence and Bon voyage. x

glammanana Tue 30-Jul-19 12:43:43

Welcome Mickyboy67 if this is your first post,Would you consider a Supported Bungalow from your local housing association where you can have contact with a support officer as and when you need it,you just have to register with your local council.Most of this type of housing is given to people over 55yrs so you have neighbours of a similar age to you and have loads in common,well worth looking at.
A cruise is a good idea whilst you get your thoughts in order,good luck at what you decide.

Nellie098 Tue 30-Jul-19 13:54:12

Just picking up on the part about having to pay your daughter for food and other items, have you looked into whether you are entitled to any non means tested benefit, such as, although I am not sure, Attendance Allowance. If not a local Citizens Advice office may be able to help or you may have an Age UK adviser in your region. In fact it may be worth speaking to someone from Age UK for advice on housing. Look also at the Silversurfers site as some of the topics may be relevant. Whatever happens I hope you have enjoy the coming years and you have support from family which is great.

fizzers Tue 30-Jul-19 14:47:11

Personally, I'd go cruising or a long term holiday during the winter months, my father used to suffer with ill health and used to go abroad for a couple of months at a time - helped to no end. Whilst you ar away it will give you much needed thinking time as what you should do for the future - weighing up all of the pros and cons to the various options open to you