I hope you don’t mind me posting on here. I’ve come over from mumsnet as most of the advice on there is just to cut everyone out of your life who doesn’t make you happy.
I never had a happy childhood. I was the accident child and my mother told me this repeatedly. I was left with my Nan most of the time whilst my parents went on holiday with my brothers and had days out (there is only 5 years difference between me and my brothers). My parents were loaded but never bought me anything new. My Nan used to buy my stuff. During my teenage years I argued back with them and I was beaten a lot. There was something that happened at home that I should have been protected from but my parents blamed me for it. I have spent years in counselling trying to one to terms with my childhood.
I married my husband at 18 and we moved away. My parents have not forgiven me and constantly demand I move back home as it’s my duty to look after them. (I’ve lived away for 23 years).
I have 2 children and I made an effort to visit them fortnightly even though it was a 7 hour round trip. This was not enough for them and I should have moved home so they could have a proper relationship with their grandchildren. They have constantly criticised my parenting. Because I take them to clubs and spend a lot of time with my children I’m apparently spoiling them. I’m a bad parent for letting my 16 year old have a phone etc. I have ignored all of this and just plastered a smile on my face and nodded.
I have tried to talk to them but I’ve been told I’m over sensitive and my mum cries so dad has a go at me for upsetting my mum.
A month ago things came to a head. Mum called and asked me to go home that weekend. I said I couldn’t as I’m a teacher and there was an event on at school that I was helping to supervise. She went mad at me. She told me my career was nothing and I thought more of my students than her. I should give up my job as my husband needed me at home, my husband only married me as he felt sorry for me and I should be lucky he stayed when we had children as I had trapped him. The final straw was that she said she had raised my children when they were little. She babysat once when we went to a wedding.
I lost it and told her what selfish parents they were and that they had drove me away. I shouted that I had done what I could to keep up a relationship with them and they still treated me like I was a 5 year old little girl. I told her to leave me alone as I didn’t want to talk to them anymore as I was done being made to feel worthless by the people who were meant to be proud of me no matter what. Mum was crying and shouting at my dad to sort me out. I ended up putting the phone down. We haven’t spoken since.
My counsellor has advised that it was bound to come to a head at some point and I did the right thing. I just feel so guilty.
My brothers have both called me and had a go for upsetting mum. I’ve explained what happened and they didn’t know what to say. My parents tell them all the time how proud they are of them and they don’t have the same relationship.
Was I wrong? Should I make amends? Sorry it’s so long
Flowbow Wed 31-Jul-19 13:22:10
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Flowbow Thu 01-Aug-19 20:39:27
Nonnie Fri 02-Aug-19 10:45:08