should I move?

I m in agreement with most on here it’s too soon it’s a decision made in a flap
I love all my children very very much but I would ruin that relationship if I lived with any of them We are all quite strong minded and it would go pear shape I know. I know some people manage it fine but I need my dependence. We would drive each other mad

You speak of three sons but only mention two as to proximity I totally agree that to buy a house that one inherits and not the other two is unfair and will cause rifts I would imagine
Mobility issues do not mean you have to move, with stairlifts and a wet room instead of a bathroom you could be fine and you can often get grants to help with these things
I couldn’t move twice ie renting temporarily as I find all that upheaval would totally wipe me out Moving is such a stressful thing to do
Personally I would go back to the beginning and rethink it all neither sounds the right solution to me but huge Good Luck for the future which ever way it goes and make some new friends now that you can x

lulu pleased to have made you smile. DS2 put in a very much reduced offer on the 4 minutes away house and today rang me to say that to his surprise it has been accepted! There is still a survey to be done though and we do live in a historically coal mining area so there is some hope underground!

O'h Grandma2213 you have made me smile, thanks.

I agree with everyone else artdecogran it's too soon to make such a radical decision. Are you able to rent somewhere while you have time to grieve and think about your future. Consider carefully before agreeing to move in with family. Their lives can change and they may want to move on. You sound like an independent lady who values her own space, don't give this up lightly.
I wish you well whatever you decide.

I bought a flat on the next street to my daughters houses. I keep my independence but am near enough to see them most days and help out with the grandchildren . It works well.

I lived 5 months with one daughter as flat (new build) was delayed. We get on really well and she was in work all day but it was still nice when I could move into my own space.

I rented whilst deciding what to do that worked well for me

I have a DS living with me and also 3 DGC for part of the week. He has just bought a house (2 months ago) and is 'doing it up'. I can hardly wait for him to move out though even then I will still have to have DGC a lot when he works plus picking up, dropping off for schools and clubs.

Imagine my horror last week when DS1 and partner (6 month baby) became interested in the house next door but one. Hopefully it is out of their price range. Then today DS2 and partner (DGDs 12 and 10) had a viewing of a house about 4 minutes walk away.

Although I am quite independent now at 72 I know this may change over the next 10 years but 10/15 minutes drive away where they currently are is perfectly convenient for me.

I know everyone is different but Artdecogran there are lots of good suggestions on here for you and I believe you should take your time until you are quite sure of the decision you want to make. Good luck.

Your heart isn't in buying the bungalow so I don't that is the right decision.
However, you have a buyer for your house which is a great start on your journey. You could go ahead with the sale and rent somewhere.
Then I think your first priority is to look for a property you really like and which is suitable for your disability.
I emigrated and lived with family while looking for a place of my own. The family were great but I really missed my independence and being boss of my own place!
Now I live close by which I find ideal. I am independent.I help out with my grandchildren and they are often here.
Last year I had an accident and was incapacitated for a few weeks. I was very fortunate because my adult child and spouse walked my dog every morning and got my groceries and sometimes they left my grandchildren here just to provide me with some company. It works well. We help each other out but don't live in each others pockets. We have our separate social lives and some different interests.
So, in a nutshell, I advise retaining your independence and your financial independence too. Take your time, there's no need to rush into anything. If you rent you should be in a good buying position. Do let us know how it goes.

I would never like to tell anyone what to do but the moving in with family makes me feel uncomfortable.

I've known many people do it and 9 times out of 10 it ends in disaster.

You, of course, could be the 1 in 10 it works for though!

When DM was widowed and recently retired, she became quite nervous of living by herself in a fairly big house on a pension. We were wanting to move to a larger house at that time so rather on impulse, we bought a house together.

After 3 years we all realised what a mistake it was however it was a solution for a time and we managed to buy her share back enabling her to find much more suitable accommodation in a place she liked. The house we were all living in was a bit like a building site.

This doesn't answer your question but I think what I am trying to say is that it need not be forever.

Think very carefully about moving to a place with son & DiL. Lovely as they are, you are all used to your independent ways. Don't rush into anything until you feel clear about what you want, but I do get the feeling that you relish your independence. This would be compromised to some extent if you moved in somewhere with your son, DiL & their children. As others have mentioned, how will your other children feel about this proposed arrangement?
Do not underestimate how tiring helping to look after two young children might make you feel, too. Would you feel obliged to do more than you are physically able to simply because you are sharing one roof? Also, is a house, with stairs a good idea for you? By all means, be close by, but I would suggest that a degree of independence and distance (not far), would probably be the best solution for all of you.
Try to take a step back, and consider carefully your options and possible scenarios before making a decision, which will havea lasting effect on all of you ( including your other children). Put yourself first.

PS: I forgot to say that you could put good furniture in to storage, but have just remembered the cats, that may an issue with renting!

Your mobility may not allow this, but I would consider going ahead with the sale, then renting.
I would say to your son that you feel very unsure at the moment and would like a little space to think. You could consider renting a 'retirement flat' or even a static caravan near your son. You could get a feel for the area, maybe spend a bit more time with them. You could even, if finances allow, rent a house and have them stay over some of the time to see how it works.
Your post about your son's family's needs raises a lot of issues and I wonder if you could think about them, and your own wishes, more clearly in a more comfortable & suitable space of your own?
Renting would then allow you to move more quickly on a purchase once you have decided.
Although your own needs have to met first,you may find pleasure and purpose in helping the family, I just think you need some space to think about it.

Artdeco, you can see by the responses, that your plans are not ideal. You have 3 sons. You have to be fair to all three. And you must always have control of your situation. I love my three, a daughter and 2 sons. I would never consider selling up and living in the same house or in an annexe with any of them, and I am years older than you but I love my independence.
I understand you have poor mobility and therefore feel vulnerable and insecure and need to be near family.
As someone suggested, have a family meeting. Listen to your other sons, see what they have to say
You are very lucky to have sold so soon. My friend is doing the same as you. She sold very quickly and is putting her stuff in storage and moving in with her middle son, till she finds something she likes.
Good luck whatever you decide to do. Do let us know

After my grandmothers death, when he was becoming infirm, my grandfather bought a big house with my uncle and lived with him, and his family. Then, when my grandfather died, my uncle (and his family) automatically inherited the whole house. Cutting out my father and both myself and my brother. My grandparents had always had a plan for who would inherit what, but none of it ever came to pass.

It split our family. My father and my uncle (brothers) are totally estranged. My uncle and his family are cut off from myself and my brother.

Very sad.

I think you should stay near where you are for now until the dust settles.

But rent dont buy so you arent commited to a location until you are sure

Nevrr Never

ACs are wonderful...until you live with them or vice versa.
Nevrr in a million years.
'We're jyst nipping out to the shops for an hour mum...can you keep an eye...?'
'Tom's asked us for drinks tomorrow...would you give the kids their tea and up to bed...?'

It won't stop there either.

Stop the sale of the house right now. If it sold so quickly , it will sell again.

There fore you have bought yourself time to think, to consider, to talk to family, to see a therapist.

I think you have put yourself and your longterm needs first, I think you should go for a bungalow. Buying a large house for yourself and son could possibly be fraught with problems in the future

Have you talked to all your sons separately? What do the other two sons feel about it, if you bought a house and moved in with one son? He would get a nice big house which he cannot afford on his own, and possibly built in baby sitting.

It would take most of your money, so there would be little inheritance for the other two. That doesn't seem quite fair, although if you are going to be able to live there forever with son and wife looking after you, that's a consideration. Will it be a house with a ground floor area for you, if you have trouble with stairs?

Living 24/7 with children is quite a tiring prospect possibly? If there were a granny annexe with own kitchen etc, that would be better. Living with a son and young family could put a strain on your relationship. It's good to have a bit of space.

I think perhaps postponing is best, as you are so unsure. You need to do what's best for you.

Do nothing. Much too early to make a good decision. If you feel you got a really good price then sell and rent for a while. Otherwise back out.
Be careful about including family as this could cause problems in the future. You are very young yet with possibly many good years ahead.

We moved to a bungalow 3 years ago and from the point of view of the accommodation I have not regretted it - OH is now totally disabled and it is ideal as it is flat with wide doors.

However, I miss dreadfully the village we moved from - it is only 20 minutes away and I am back and forth all the time joining in everything that is going on there with my friends.

TBH if a bungalow were to come on the market there I would look at it very seriously, because being part of a community is very important to me.

So.....swings and roundabouts!

I think that if you have any reservations at all about throwing your lot in with your son then it is probably wise not to do it. But it does work out well for some people, especially if you have a separate annexe for you to maintain your privacy a bit; and the same for them.

It is a hard decision I know and I wish you good luck in all your deliberations.

I wouldn't stop the house sale, but I would rent whilst you consider your options. You don't want to waste money on the bungalow if you really don't like it very much, but I think you should aim to be near to one of your sons.

Why did you buy the bungalow if the plan was to buy a house with son? Does that tell you anything? If the house sold so quickly perhaps the price was too low? Might be worth getting another agent’s valuation. (On the other hand perhaps you were lucky and should grab it while you can!) What are the chances of your son renting a better home if you don’t help them? - sometimes a housing association can help if he does not qualify for a council house?

If you can afford it how about buying a house with a granny extension and live there with son and family - keeping your granny bit strictly to yourself?

Also, at 60 you could have a long life ahead of you. Whatever you decide about living conditions, you should investigate technology to help you get about, and join in some social activities - even get a part time job or volunteer if you fancy it.

If it were me I'd continue with the sale of the house and buy the bungalow. I assume your mobility problems are not going to improve. Also, you were very lucky to get a buyer so quickly - the way the market is in certain parts of the country who knows if another buyer will come along anytime soon

Moving in with son and DIL? That would be a no!

I can see how you feel obliged to help them out but I'd advise against this. For one, you are only 60 and have by all accounts led a restricted life with no friends because of your husband - you should think of yourself at this time.

Two, if you have mobility problems how much assistance could you actually give to your son and his family?

You will lose your autonomy and your DIL may not always be lovely!