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My mum died on my DH’s birthday. The following year I gave my DH a gift but we kept everything low key that day.

I think you should ask her!

I'd send abirthday card and I would ensure it was a sister in law one sometimes widowed folk feel they arent regarded as family anymore after a death I always mark the first anniversary with a wee personal note but I would send that seperately

My sister died on my birthday, so obviously it will always be tinged with sadness, but she would hate that I couldn't move on and of course the first birthday is always the worst, but eventually you come to terms with it and I now celebrate both, raising a glass in her memory. Send a card and chose the words accordingly.

Send a birthday card.

Today is the 10th anniversary of my darling husbands death, tomorrow will be my 66th birthday and for me acknowledging both has always been very important.

My mum died on my nieces birthday (her gd) . I felt so sad for her but we send a birthday card and as she always says nana is always with me.

A birthday card as your sister-in-law is still alive, and still having birthdays - it can be appropriate and you can do as others have suggested and add a separate note to let her know you are thinking that this will be an emotional day for her - you don't mention whether you know how she plans to spend the day - it would be nice to ring her beforehand and ask her - she may be dreading it, she may have no plans but to sit at home, she may welcome the chance to spend it with you even if you only go for a walk around the park and have a cup of coffee. Doing that you can jointly remember your brother and at the same time acknowledge that it is her birthday.

Send her two cards acknowledging both events

My mum died on my brother's birthday. It's very hard. But we all try to seperate the two. She would have hated to think all my brother's subsequent birthdays were overtaken by her death. So I remember my mum on that day but also send my brother a birthday card an she celebrates his birthday as he normally would though I've no doubt he also thinks about Mum. I don't like cards with verses anyway so it's usually a plainish card. Also my SiLs father died on Xmas day. They still celebrate Christmas but have a quiet drink to her father as well.

My mum died in my birthday, I hadn’t thought of how others would feel wishing me happy birthday but they did just that in the years that followed. It is a bittersweet day that my mums departure from this earth was on the day of my birthday but I always think of her on my birthday especially and raise a glass to her. She is out of pain and with my dad and was 95 so she had a good life. I think wishing her a happy day would be fine. Life is for the living and we are left with memories of loved ones good and bad. Maybe a bunch of flowers and a happy birthday and write thinking of you on your birthday. It will get easier as the years go on.

I think people have the same problem with me as my brother died on New Years Eve and my children say I know you wouldn’t want to celebrate it, he was/is my favourite brother of the three.
My husband died Boxing Day, last year was the first without him and I think people felt awkward as got very few Christmas cards from anyone

Moonpig.com allows you to design your own card or pick one of theirs. You can upload photos to go on the front and write whatever you like. They make it up and post it to the recipient so no need for her to be computer savvy. It's not prohibitively expensive either, not when you look at the prices in some shops.

My sister died on her son’s birthday. I still send him a card but mention his beloved mum. Life goes on and she would want us to dwell on the happy times, not the sad.

My brother died on his daughter’s birthday ? but you can’t not send a birthday card, I send a birthday card to my niece, and also a thinking of you card..xx

The week of the build up prior to the actual date is very likely to be a truly terrible time for your SIL.

The day after her birthday, she may feel some small sense of relief after the difficult week before (which might be a good time for a phone call)

I write from my own and others shared experiences.

I think you should send her a birthday card, n a note inside about your brother too

Sorry for your loss travelasfar

My sister died 2 years ago just before her husbands birthday. We sent a plain card saying that we wanted him to know we were thinking of him on his birthday. He doesn’t live near us and he’s still not ready for us to visit so I phone once in a while and get news occasionally from his daughter.
It’s still hard for all of us.

Maybe send a card and also mention in it a fond memory you have of your brother.

Whatever you send won't make her feel any more or less sad. She most likely is sad and it's important to accept this is ok and is normal.

Here's a great little video about how to support those who are experiencing grief.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE

Send her a card and some flowers, it is still her birthday after all.

I too think you should both acknowledge that the day is the anniversary of your brother and her husband's death and her birthday.

Would it be easier to phone her?

If not, perhaps a message on a plain card along the lines of "I hope you will have a enjoyable birthday and many happy returns of it. Obviously, we will both be thinking of John (or whatever his name was)today, too. I hope you like I feel that the first dreadfully hard year is over now."

a bit *special not social. Sorry.

I agree with sending your sister-in-law a birthday card and adding a note about your brother, too. It's always going to be her birthday and you might feel you want to make it a bit social anyway now she doesn't have her husband to celebrate it with.

I do feel for you, losing your brother. I lost my sister this year and it's been awful. She died the day before her birthday and I'd already sent her a card. I did feel very peculiar about that, knowing she'd never open it.

Definitely don’t cancel her birthday send what you would normally send, if you also want to send a ‘thinking of you on this day’ as well do, they are two totally different ‘happenings’ not linked

I agree with the suggestion for a blank card in which you write your own message which mentions both her birthday and the death of your brother. The date will always be both from now on of course but you can judge afresh next year what would be appropriate - the first anniversary is special and it would seem odd to allude to it in an oblique way. You are a very thoughtful s-in- law especially when you yourself will be feeling sad about your brother. ?