Do any of these apply to you?

What a good list. I'd add "Being able to take back a tactless remark the minute it's out of one's mouth." I have inherited my dear mother's tendency to say whatever comes into the head! And I would never deliberately hurt anyone.

PS Sometimes if you're hungry it's an idea to drink something (not alcohol) - you could be dehydrated.
PPS Joined up writing is quicker than printing!

14 is so true for me........

Yes to all except my freezer does have a light !

Love these and agree with all of them especially 19, happens every morning on my way to work.

All of them I think! Very funny!

Ps When a friend answered my enquiry about her mum with she died this morning, and I said in shock Youre joking' Still cringing years later.!

Love this post and done/agree all ?

None of these apply to me, fortunately but bad decisions certainly do make good stories - as long as you are not the main character!

Fine writing is a joy to behold - and produce. So yes, there is a point to learning 'joined up writing'

If someone points out - and can prove I'm wrong about someting - I accept it, often with gratitude because it's darned embarrassing to pontificate about something if you're wrong

I used to joke (and once won a bet) that when you see someone look at their watch, and ask them 10 seconds later, 'What's the time?' They will never, ever just say the time, they'll look again at their watch !
Try it and see.

I like the new suggestions here, especially grannyticktock's. answerphone

My 2 cents. What's the logic behind the response:
'He can't be dead, I only saw him last week!' As if their very presence made someone immortal

18, 19 & 20 are me all over!

Agree notanan!

I would change no.1 to:
A best friends job is to discretely pluck/ shave your facial hair should you fall into a prolongued coma!

In lace knitting, it takes a nanosecond to drop a stitch, but several hours to find it and repair the mess it has made.

Some more for the list:
Why call it an ansaphone if it doesn't actally answer you?
A near-miss can be one of the best ways of learning life's important lessons.
If the first instruction in a recipe is "light the oven ", it is wise to ignore this until you're well into the task.
There is no point in answering Alexa back.

Loved these OP, and identify particularly with 5, 8, 11, 13...

When you watch the weather report on TV, and moments later can't remember what tomorrow will bring

5 and 9

Here’s the answer to #5
m.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5k9nWcuFc

When you stand in the supermarket queue that states "8 items or less" and you silently count the contents of everyone else's basket.

Yes, most of them; but especially 5 (made me laugh), 7 and 8.

Every single one apart from no 20, unless you substitute phone for watch!