Sad teenagers

I always felt my parents were much stricter than other parents, my friends seemed to be allowed to stay out - and go to bed - much later than I was.

It’s not just teenagers. We are all constantly told what fun we should be having socialising and how we should look, or indeed think. Look at Christmas - it’s supposed to be one mad social whirl of parties with us hosting our own wildly successful gathering of friends and family. Ha! I guess the difference is that teenagers haven’t been there before and haven’t the experience to cope with it, though the years can grind the rest of us down.

paddyann that’s so sad. Lives lost at an early age when they have no idea what the future holds. To be honest I can barely remember my school days and couldn’t name more than about 3 people I went to school with. I was not local so once I left school they were all gone.

The difficulty with Facebook is people post up the wonderful times they are having, but, who is going to post the bad times in their lives? Not many in my experience. I know people who post up their holidays or places they go but, because I know them well, I know many of the hardships in life they have gone through. Most people do post good stuff as they are not in the main , going to post about their bereavements, ill health etc. The difficulty being that of course it looks like your friends are always having a whale of a time, in their own personal lives, are they really?

all teenagers should be carefully watched not just the sad ones.My neighbours 17 year old GS committed suicide recently,she and his parents say he was a happy go lucky full of fun boy looking forward to getting his first car.They cant understand why or how they missed signs that it was all a front.Suicide amongst young men is higher now than ever before so we must all be vigilant.What looks like sadness could be something far more serious.

We were lucky in that when at home we had very little contact with our friends and no idea of how their lives were going. After school was a whole different world and weekends were usually spent with family.

My teenage grandson is always on his phone, often in contact with three or four others. It's utterly ridiculous so we often ban it's use for an hour or so. You'd think we'd deprived him of oxygen!

The downside of being a Grandparent is you worry all over again.
One of our pre-teen DGC has already been bullied by mobile phone. Luckily her school dealt with it well but if you are gentle, quiet, sensitive and kind you are especially susceptible, I believe

I am surprised at how many grams on GN have grandchildren on the spectrum. Wish there was better provision for them all

Thanks cherrytree yes he does have friendships outside of school but casual type of meet-ups. He would not appear autistic to anyone meeting him but has many of the anxieties associated with ASD and finds it difficult to talk to others. I am hoping that as he gets older he will find others easier to deal with. He does have school support but is a strong character so not a walkover for anyone ?

Doodle 2 siblings and an only child.

It's hard in the education system.
But I was wondering
if your DGS could make friends via his interests with older teenagers or even young adults, when outside school gates.

Does your family have access to autism outreach charity?
I believe that they work with children but not sure about teenagers.
For all our children and grandchildren to live a happy and peaceful life is the top of my wish list.

It's not just your Grandchildren..I still feel like that !!

It's important to tell our teenagers that we too felt that everyone else was allowed to do all the things that we weren't when we were their age.

My mother told me that part of being a teenager is boasting to your friends that you are allowed to wear make-up, stay out late, have a boyfriend or whatever else it is that is cool right now, but that most of them were just telling tall stories.

Most teenagers, whoever beautiful / handsome they are go through phases of feeling ugly, or at the very least that everyone only sees their big nose, flat bosom or whatever feature they are focussing on at the moment. I spent my teenage years convinced that my lower lip was too broad (it isn't) and DH spent his youth convinced everyone noticed his ears (they didn't.)

I am afraid that instagram, snap chat, facebook intensify these feelings as it is so easy to post pictures and everyone wants to be glamourous and have film star celebrity lives these days, if they are teenagers that is.

Our job is to make sure they know we love them, as they are, but discussing what suits a teenage girl seriously with her won't do any harm either, nor will telling her what features we were sad about at her age. Dig out some photos of yourself at your grandchildren's ages and see their reactions. They might well conclude that they are better off then we were!

I think that about myself sometimes,especially when I go on fb. Although saying that I'm out at various clubs,meeting friends,volunteering.

Thanks Cherrytree. Yes he does have several interests and to the outside world would look fine. It’s the problem of keeping relationships when friends have got problems of their own. I hope your (3?) have a better time (are they siblings ?)

Sad teenagers always remind me of the old 1970’s Janis Ian song Seventeen.... . Still hits the angst of teenage years right on the head nearly 50 years later. I fear the sadness of some teenagers will always be so for those hormone filled years.

Teenage years can be the worst years.
For teeenagers who dont fit in with the 'in crowd' it can be hell.

Doodle does your grandson have a specific interest that could be encouraged?

Animals can be a great help.
My daughter had a weekend job at a kennels/cattery.

My son kept birds in avery at the bottom of our garden and joined the bird society.
It members were mainly older people.
They encouraged and were extremely eager to help him.

Both children were encouraged to swim for excercise.
Useful if teen doesn't like team sports.
Our local leisure centre has swim times for children with autism.
My daughter has also found a martial arts group that has special tuition for 'sen' children.
(Work in progress)

My daughter joined the red cross and learned some useful skills.

I feel for some teenagers it is case of helping them to look at outside the norm, I know they will say it is not cool.
However friends and school-mates do not have to know what each other's home interests are.

I have both sympathy and empathy Doodle, I know that it will be long before we will/could be facing similar issues.

I wish your grandson well.

Thinking everyone's got it better than you is surely part and parcel of being a teenager? It was in my day, anyway. It goes with the territory.

It's a natural part of teenage life (I recall being miserable) but magnified by social media. Youngsters need to realise that the 'happy' posts and pics are often just a front.

We put on our best face for friends and outsiders but our family get to know just how unhappy, bored, scared, lonely and lost we really are. Once we find out that our friends are just pretending too and often feel the same we can relax about it.

I love social media but I agree with gonegirl

I think it's not just teenagers. Many people, old and young, feel that everyone else is having more fun, are more pretty, thinner, richer, etc etc. I guess society has got that way and it is all down to social media - people posting their lives on FB, Instagram etc.

I think insecurity is part of puberty. I was insecure for a lot longer than that, until I left home and discovered how much I had to offer. I thought I was very plain but now I look at old photos and realise I was quite pretty. I think we just have to live through it.

well said sb 74 and olliebeak I agree with you both

Absent wrote -
I suspect that most teenagers in every generation have the impression that their own lives are much less exciting and fulfilling than the lives of their contemporaries

and she is right.

Many years ago before social media existed I was conscious of this as Head of Year 11. I did a survey in which I asked the pupils how often they were allowed out at night and at weekends and what time they had to be in. be in at night.
The results showed that almost every child had quite strong limits about the amount of time spent out of their home and the timings and arrangement for their return,
I suspect that things haven't changed that much.
It used to be that on Monday morning a weekend party had been just OK, but by the end of the day the stories had reached the level of drunken orgy. I guess that with social media these stories get exaggerated more quickly.

Yes that song "Seventeen" says it all. That horrible feeling of being left out, of feeling inferior, of every girl being prettier, cleverer, more popular than you. Janis Ian is my all time favourite singer/songwriter .. but she will always be best known for this beautiful heartbreaking song. My elder granddaughter has just started High School. So far so good .. but the dreaded Facebook hasn't been allowed yet. So glad it wasn't around when we were young!

I guess we are joining in social media by posting on Gransnet.