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Children and grandchildren living far away

(18 Posts)
Willow1 Sun 15-Sep-19 08:47:20

I am new to this forum and just read sausages 123 comment from 2017. I was wondering how you are now....I am in a similar situation and am feeling low lonely and the house feels so empty.i have many friends but they are not enough....I know I should go out and join clubs and make a life for myself but am finding it so hardxxxx

Willow1 Sun 15-Sep-19 09:27:42

Is there anyone out there who feels the same ? Xxx

silverlining48 Sun 15-Sep-19 10:52:06

Hello willow. Welcome to gransnet. I don’t know where your children are but many of us have children living in other countries, it’s hard but looking on the bright side, it’s great you have many friends, and joining things is helpful but the fact is, they make their decisions about their lives and we as parents have to accept and get on with ours. It takes a while though, I know. Good luck.

BlueBelle Sun 15-Sep-19 11:10:23

My son moved to NZ 25 years ago with his girlfriend for ‘a look around’ I knew they wouldn’t come back and they haven’t They married in Bali 2 years later I went to that and it was lovely since then they have had two children we speak once a week, and I see them every 5 or so years It’s way too expensive for any of us to go more regularly but we don’t need to
Of course I cried at first but got on with life and I thank heavens they have a good life are still happy in their marriage have stable jobs and the children grown and working now They have a good life style and I have adapted
You cannot make your children your whole life
Is it early days since your family left Uk ? Keep yourself busy that really is the only way if you sit in thinking and thinking you will sink into a depression and then your child will have that on their shoulders as guilt
We all have to live our lives in our own way they are not responsible for your happiness as hard as that might sound
Good luck and well done for joining and posting get together with those friends you havev

Davida1968 Sun 15-Sep-19 11:11:05

Hello Willow1 and welcome to GN. Yes, there appear to be a lot of us with our children and grandchildren living far away. (My only child and family are 5000 miles away.) I agree with silverlining48 - it's something I've lived with for well over twenty years now, and I have had to live my life without them being close by. (DH and I have no other family nearby, either.) While I am lucky enough to have a lovely DH to share my life with here, we both go to our own groups and activities as well; we moved purposely to somewhere where there are lots of good neighbours and things to do. DH is a member of U3A and I'm in the local Womens Institute. Both of these offer opportunities for socialising and activities. We also go to a health club - to try to keep fit! Our local library holds various regular activities, including a weekly "friendship group". It really is a case of making the effort and getting involved in something - often the first step is the hardest, I know. But perhaps you could set yourself the challenge of joining/going to, just one thing, this month?

EllanVannin Sun 15-Sep-19 11:27:04

Yes, a faraway family of 5. Very difficult at first but because I was then working and had family and other interests here I learned to get on with life. A few visits settled my mind that they were happy and doing well and generally had a good life.

After a visit this June from my D and SiL only then did I fully realise that the years are passing all of us by did I begin to think it could be the last time I see them. I didn't dwell on it !! My SiL will be 60 in November and my D isn't far behind-----though they both look far fitter than 60 year olds in this country !

Fennel Sun 15-Sep-19 12:43:56

Our eldest 2 are around the same ages as yours, EllanV. One family in India, the other in Kuwait, but moving to Thailand soon.
Our girls are both in England but far from us.
We've visited the far-off ones a few times in the past, but now the journeys are too difficult, so we depend on them coming 'home' for visits as often as possible.

Esther1 Sun 15-Sep-19 21:45:00

My dd and family and ds and family both emigrated to the other side of the world and I thought my heart would break. Of course I put a happy face on for everyone but just didn’t know how I would cope when I got older and travelling to visit would be more difficult if not impossible. Happily they have all returned home - family ties are the strongest pull of all.

Abe49 Sun 15-Sep-19 22:05:16

My DS and family will soon be moving to the other side of the world. I know I should be happy for them but every time one of my GC hugs me I could burst into tears. Does it get easier?

Folkestone78 Tue 17-Sep-19 21:02:26

I read once that our job as pArents is to ‘ teach them how to fly ’ Now that I also have one adult child living abroad if feels as though I have shot myself in the foot slightly! however when you see them brave enough to stand on their own two feet and being happy you can’t help but be happy for them....and put money away to visit them as often as possible and value that special time . Keep smiling xxx You are not alone.

Fennel Wed 18-Sep-19 09:19:16

I agree with that about teaching them to fly, Folkestone.

Willow500 Wed 18-Sep-19 09:45:38

Hello fellow namesake smile welcome to GN.

The world is such a small place these days that even if families are fragmented around the world communicating has never been easier even if physically being together is not possible. It doesn't make the separation any easier of course. Our eldest son and family moved 2 hours away when their daughters were 9 & 5 which was hard and the youngest emigrated to NZ 6 years ago which was devastating at the time - they have since had 2 children. None of us are terribly good at keeping in touch but do message and FT every couple of weeks. We now have no family nearby and as time is going on I know my husband often thinks how many more times we can see the ones overseas - I don't - life's too short to dwell on it.

I think you have to concentrate on making a life for yourself - difficult I know (especially if like me you are no longer working) and be content your family are happy and healthy.

Willow1 Sat 21-Sep-19 06:52:53

I really wish I could get together with people who are in the same situation as I feel .... I am surrounded by friends who all have family living close by and who pop over for dinner house feels so cold and empty ....I am off work with depression and can't seem to motivate myself to go out and do things.....I am sorry that my messages are doom and gloom at the moment I truly never used to be like this but I am finding it hard to snap out of it xxx

Hetty58 Sat 21-Sep-19 07:48:27

My neighbour's children have 'adopted' a granny in our road. Their own grandparents live abroad and this lady has no surviving relatives. They take her on days out, help with her gardening and have her round for Sunday lunches. I think they are wonderful kids!

silverlining48 Sat 21-Sep-19 07:52:27

That’s lovely Hetty.

silverlining48 Sat 21-Sep-19 08:04:37

Willow1 I do understand how hard it is when friends have children and grandchildren within easyish reach. You see their cars outside and know they are there, again!
The fact that you are depressed is affecting how you feel and I hope when you start to feel better you can get out a bit and start getting involved again. As I said earlier there really is nothing we can do about our adult children’s decisions, and yes it is hard but there really is nothing we can do except get on with our lives as well. You are lucky to have good friends, it takes time but you will be ok.

silverlining48 Sat 21-Sep-19 08:09:57


Willow1 Sat 21-Sep-19 08:32:49

Thank you so much to everyone for your kind words xxxx