Problem with a man at work

I’m afraid the only person to help you Seastar is you. At the moment you don’t want to hear anything from posters which goes against what you want to hear.

Oh Seastar you are flogging a dead horse here now love.
Move on.

seastar you got a lot of helpful advice from GNers.
You said you had taken some of it on board and would step back from this man.
Then you returned, twice or thrice, bleating about him again.
No wonder posters have lost patience with you.

Well thanks. It's nice to know that I'm behaving like a 14 year old and talk drivel. I'm in a situation that I'm not use to and instead of understanding I get comments that bring me lower down in mood. I'll cope the best I can without Gransnet from now on. I thought that I would have some help and understanding instead I have been given abuse and insults. This is really helping me - NOT. I'm done with Gransnetters!

Seastar you really need to get a grip and not let yourself behave like a 14 year old with a crush.
You do not have a relationship with either of these men and after your gaffe with FaceBook are unlikely to have with at least one of them.
Stop daydreaming, stop fantasising about whether one is better looking than the other.
In other words, grow up. If one of them asks you out, fine, but if not , you need to stop treating all of this like a second rate Mills& Boon paperback.

You really don't know the work guy at all. In fact, you believed a lot of stuff about him that wasn't true.
Now he, understandably, doesn't want to speak to you. You should see that as a stroke of good luck.
Try behaving like an adult, instead of like a child who wants something ridiculous.
Hasn't your daughter told you to give up on this drivel?

This thread is all totally true. He is so likeable but if anyone tries to get close he becomes very secretive and only gives part stories. He comes across as so lonely and I think that it draws me to him- he has a most lovely smile. However, I've never come across someone as this confusing before in my life. The other man who I've just met is more good looking, straight forward and is consistent. Even though, the man at work is posing red flags, is shy and confusing, I'm more drawn to him. I can't get him out of my head and move on.
I just don't understand him at all.

Thanks to you all for reading my dribble - I get annoyed with myself because I want someone who I know I should run away from. Maybe I feel sorry for him? I know I'm pathetic and it sounds made up but honest it's all true.
Thanks anyway for all the help and suggestions.

gallsusquine
I know - my daughter has already told me and you both make sense. Anyway the car got its revenge - the starter motor has packed up so I'm on the bus now.

Fizzers
I know it sounds strange. I'm in the situation and it feels strange but it's all true. Most men I have come across I could read easily- you know what they are about - you know if they like you or don't. This situation is so confusing that I can't make sense of it.
I'm not needy as someone else has asked me out. This other man was straight forward. He told me he liked me and asked me out. I just prefer the weird man and I don't know why. The other man is as you would expect. He is straight forward and you can trust his word. He gives me no reason to doubt him but the weird man at work is hard work but I like him.
The man at work doesn't tell me the whole story which is why the doubt about his stories creep in. He is the same with everyone.

SirChenjin
The photo looked like him and it was the same name and they went to the same school.

Please don't drive when you are "crying all the way home", sad driving is as dangerous as angry driving.

sorry, don't believe any of this, sounds imaginary or ficticious to me

Sorry you are upset but to be honest you sounds needy. It’ll be off putting. I bet your work colleagues are fed up of your questions.

So, were you also mistaking him for someone else who was bad mouthing you at work, and got you into trouble with your boss?

Was it another man you were frightened of?

So he’s now not married or in a relationship, you just got the wrong Facebook account??

Every post is more unbelievable than the last. So - what made you think that you were looking at an account belonging to this man?

Seastar, have I got this right: a few weeks ago, you wrongly accused this man of some of the worst types of lying, which he denied (and you now admit you were wrong anyway).

Now his attitude to you has changed and he is ignoring you, and you don't know what you've done.

Hmm - I'm sure there must be a clue there somewhere ...

* on this man.

You are causing yourself a lot of grief by fixating in this man.

Found out that it's not the same man. I now know he isn't married or in a relationship.
He continued to be very attentive and then I became ill for a fortnight- flu. I'm back at work now but he is ignoring me and when I asked him what was wrong he didn't tell me. He is fine with everyone else. I am upset because I like him alot but he has changed and I don't know what I have done. He knew that I've been ill because I went home poorly from work. I've asked people at work and they know nothing. As far as they know he still likes me. I left work on Friday and sat in my car crying all the way home. I know I sound like a love sick 16 year old but this has hit me hard.

should I direct them to the pages so they can see for themselves?

Yes, why not show it to someone you trust at work and ask if they think it's the same man.

We employed a driver who was a pathological liar. He had been married four times and left each wife financially bankrupt and emotionally wrecked. Each wife tried to alert the next one but believed his stories that they were bitter and jealous.

He actually had a gambling addiction and knew how to spin stories that the latest poor woman fell for hook line and sinker. She was really sweet, kind and very naive. In the start it was all “no woman of mine works” then going in to the cafe she worked in demanding that her wages were handed to him the day before they were even due. The owner quite rightly refused.

He insisted on being a joint tenant on the house she had lived in all her life. Supposedly he was paying the rent but gambled it all away. When we moved she was an emotional wreck facing eviction and he was on to Wife No 5 who wanted to believe him despite all four other wives trying to explain the reality. When all this first came to light OH realised that the strange noises he heard when phoning this man was the fruit machines in the airports.

He obviously knew how to play on the vulnerabilities of these poor women and had no scruples or conscience. I sometimes think that having a pretty dysfunctional childhood that made me cautious and somewhat wary wasn’t totally so bad in the long run!

Ok seastar I'll play along with your story.
You say you've seen his profile on FB. Why don't you take a screen shot and show it to the non-believers.

1 ) Can you explain how is he “stitching you up” behind the scenes?
2 ) How and why is there the likelihood that he might become violent?
3) what do you understand by “flirting” with the customers?
4) have you even considered that you might be in the wrong over the FB page?
5) I wonder if you are getting things out of proportion - are you sure you are not becoming obsessed?
I ask these questions because you story has become increasingly hysterical and far fetched.
I would strongly recommend that you either sit down and talk this over with someone who knows you well and/or hand in your notice and put this behind you.

Something is really not adding up here seastar