Gransnet forums


After 25 years we have nothing in common and I feel lonely

(10 Posts)
Willow1 Fri 25-Oct-19 18:23:25

I thought it was empty nest syndrome children have left home and made a life for themselves. I live far away and have felt desperate dark and empty in my house . I now feel that I am with the wrong person she really doesn't make me happy drags me down and we have nothing in common I am so unhappy/ depressed I am 65 and feel I should move on and find a happy life with a future by myself has anyone experienced this xxx

Willow1 Fri 25-Oct-19 18:24:33

Sorry it should be he doesn't make me happy

lemongrove Fri 25-Oct-19 20:22:06

Hi Willow no, I can’t help with this problem but think there will be others on here with similar problems, who will be along soon.This forum is a very good one for asking for advice and seeing others in the same situation.Good luck.

Bridgeit Fri 25-Oct-19 20:29:23

It’s never too late to make life changing decisions, but it has to start with talking to each other . Citzens Advice can help with working out practicalities .best wishes

FlexibleFriend Fri 25-Oct-19 20:37:15

It was the thought of spending more time with my ex when he retired that prompted me to start divorce proceedings. He was becoming more argumentative by the day, bouts of road rage, sulking about everything and constantly falling asleep in front of the tv and waking up shouting if I dared to change channel etc. That led me to believe life would be unbearable if I had to spend more time with him. Not an easy decision as I was ill and had just been diagnosed with a life limiting condition after having a second stroke and his response was I was ruining his life with my illness. Nobody needs that crap in their life. Divorce isn't cheap but I highly recommend it. Especially now it's over and I've discovered how well I'm doing financially and have been busy updating things, something we couldn't do with his very nice income but is perfectly manageable on my 2 private pensions. I don't think it's other peoples responsibility to make you happy but then again they have no right to make you miserable either.

BlueBelle Fri 25-Oct-19 21:01:31

If you don’t love him it’s not good for either of you and 65 is still young you may not find anyone else but you can be happier on your own than in a destructive relationship

Harris27 Fri 25-Oct-19 21:07:33

Talking to friends in a similiar position think hard about moving on and make sure it’s what you really want. No one. Needs to spend time with someone if they are truly unhappy.

Doodledog Fri 25-Oct-19 21:28:33

How much time do you spend together? I ask because I think it can be dangerous to assume that someone else is the cause of depression, and if you separate you could end up lonelier than now, but with half of your current assets, which might mean that you have to move away from your friends.

If you spend a lot of time with your husband/partner, you could start to do a bit more on your own or with friends, and if you already have your own interests you could build on these and make a life of your own within your marriage/relationship.

This would give you more to talk about when you are together, and might rekindle what brought you together in the first place, and may lift you out of depression.

Have you spoken to your GP about being depressed? I know a lot of people resist the idea; but I know a few people who have been really helped by a short course of antidepressants, so that might be something to think about too.

If after that you still feel that you are with the wrong person then you can leave with a network to fall back on. Starting again at 65 (particularly if you have to move, or if you don't have a lot of friends) can be difficult, as you may not have work where you can mix with others, and no school gates where you can meet others.

My advice, FWIW, is not to rush into anything. I'm sure you have thought things through already, but do try to put things in place first?

whywhywhy Fri 25-Oct-19 21:47:53

I'm so sorry that you feel this way. My husband retired recently and I feel the same. I could scream after having the house to myself for the last 5 years. Sorry I don't have an answer as I battle with depression on a daily basis. Take care and try and find something that you love to do. Hobbies keep me sane. X

sodapop Sat 26-Oct-19 08:57:55

I'm sorry you are unhappy Willow1 but don't rush into anything. Talk to your Dr about your low mood etc. It's a difficult adjustment to make when the children have left and you are retired with time on your hands. I agree with Flexiblefriend it's not anyone else's responsibility to make you happy but neither should they make you unhappy. Talk to your husband about how you feel and see what changes you can make yourself to improve things.
If you are really finding the marriage too difficult then in my opinion its better to be happy alone than miserable with someone else.