How can they do this?

Lucky girl. All love to you, and , despite his predicament your OH is Luckyboy, because he has you in his corner. Just a suggestion, have you thought of raising the issue on the petition site change.org? A good platform to get views out there and to name and shame .?

Callistamon,
You quoted a Pamela in your post at 10.17. Naturally I noticed the name. I can’t see a post from a Pamela on this thread. Not till now anyway. I can’t think you meant me?
What I was going to say to all those who are say that lucky girl can’t be forced to sell her home is: I think that you are right but if she doesn’t then the powers that be can move her husband to a cheaper home. They will say it is her choice!
What a choice!

Can they make YOU pay his fees?
If you havent already then get dome legsl advice. Also what about CHC funding?

I don't know a lot about it but thought it was all 'means' tested? Also thought if there was a spouse living in the home they are not forced to sell it? Who is advising you OP?

I am appalled by the attitude of local councils b.t.w. and am at war with mine as we speak over my deceased mothers house. Won't go into it as not my post but rules and money and opinions do seem to differ greatly from council to council! I can't seem to get any sense out of anyone!

Lucky I have no advice, no help to give you at all, as I can see you've been down every avenue - some several times. It's a disgraceful position you find yourself in, and like others here, I am so shocked that this is happening in our country. And as for the letter, well words fail me

I hope and pray that you will find a solution to all this mess soon. In the meantime please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers xxx

To read this is truly heartbreaking Luckygirl. You must be mentally and physically exhausted.
I have no experience of your situation regarding care homes and I'm sorry I have no advise.
I hope you soon find peace of mind.
Lots of love to you. xxxx

JenniferE, not helpful. So sorry Lucky, as someone said up thread, take legal advice, you cannot be made to sell your home if you are living in it surely.

My advice book a 30 minute appointment with a specialist solicitor in benefits advice. 5 years ago I had a similar issue with my 96 yo Gma. The council were charging wrongly in our case as the initial assessment was flawed.

I fully understand your anger upon receiving such a heartless letter at a time when you are dealing with such a serious and sad situation.

If you have the strength to do so, contact the immediate superior of the person who signed that letter and complain about the wording of it. It should be possible to inform people of what they are entitled to without being callous about it.

Not living in the UK, I have no idea what you and your husband are entitled to, nor whether your husband's doctor could possible help you, by writing a stiff letter to the authorities pointing out that moving your husband is just not an option and might actually hasten his death.

Please, do get hold of your bank manager and ask whether there is any possibility of a short-term loan to be paid when your house is actually sold, so that your husband can live his remaining days in tolerable peace and comfort.

I am so sorry you have to put up with this heartless behaviour on the part of civil servants, while you are dealing with so much else.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation Luckygirl. It is terrible to be put in this situation when your dh needs the care he is getting in the nursing home you chose so carefully for him.

I have no idea about such funding or how you could get help with it. I was just wondering, however, whether there is some way your own pension could be topped up to help with your own living expenses now that you don't have your husband's pension. You have probably explored all avenues but I just mention this in case you are so focused on your husband's care that you haven't thought of pension top up for yourself.

The letter you received is shocking in tone and the cost of care is frightening. My best wishes

Luckygirl I would not presume to offer advice as I haven’t had to deal with such circumstances and you have clearly been down every road I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you received that heartless letter. Having received thoughtless/cruel letters from other authorities in my time I know how they can bring one up short. I hope your appeal is successful.

Sorry - OP is taking what is presumably a form letter far too personally. Our loved ones are our loved ones and their well-being is paramount to us. They don't matter to anyone else, sorry. Your LA could soften the overall tone of the letter but they will still be asking for the money.

You are all so quick to heap calumny on the shoulders of a LGO yet are quite content to run to your MP happily overlooking the very real possibility that they were instrumental in introducing the system which has led to your difficulties. If they help you get your own way, that is all you care about.

As for the person who posted that she had been a councillor and had sorted things out for people when they complained - yes, I bet you did and quite regardless of whether the complainant was right or not. It showed how compassionate you were AND how important, whipping your minions into their place even if they were following YOUR instructions in the first place.

Well, librarylady that was really helpful!

Ns see an MP o they cannot make you pay the fees if you don't sign to say you will, but they might move him.

My daughter was in residential care for a number of years and all her benefits went to pay her fees but she was left with £24 p.w. spending money. Lets see an MP live on £24 pw spending money. There was a top up to pay and I was asked tossing a form saying I would be held responsible for it, I refused outright but somehow they found the top-up of about £120 pw.

I would say, firstly appeal and create hell. Secondly is there any charity, a charity for ex servicemen etc who could help. Thirdly your MP, if a Tory ask him why they haven't or intend to, do anything about Social Care.

Its hard both physically and emotionally fighting but the feeling of injustice and love will carry you through it all. Good luck and hugs.

It has been a very difficult journey for Luckgirl and her husband, the last thing she needs at the moment is a comment like yours, librarylady! ☹️

I reported it Marydoll and hope it is deleted.
No compassion whatsoever.

I am aware that in contacting my MP I am speaking to someone who is in part responsible for the inflexible and insensitive system that has got us into this position in the first place. My Tory MP's office did indeed help to speed up the process for me; and it was obvious that they were used to trying to help in these situations. I did refrain from commenting on the MP's culpability in propping up the continuation of this flawed system - it did not seem the best way to get the help I needed!

Just because he is partially to blame does not mean that I should eschew his ability to make things happen to my benefit. I hope he can see the irony; but maybe not.

It is sad that those administering this system cannot do so in a more humane fashion.

So sorry you are going through this ….the Daily Mail was running a campaign to get something done about this as a matter of urgency (except we all know nothing but rhetoric is happening !) I think most people are well aware of the injustice of this awful situation. There is an election coming up ,,,,,badger your MP and try to demand some concrete evidence something will be done. Contact your branch of Age UK and Citizens Advice (there will be information on line as well) and see if you can find out if there is a pressure group near you. I know this will not help in the immediate future but talking to others in the same situation might ease it a bit...once you know what others are doing. I had the same situation in France this year when I had to put my husband into a care home as he was no longer safe at home ….sadly I had to pay in full which I was only able to do as my brother passed away in the UK and I sold his house ...had no choice ...especially as we were living in France then, and there is no help if you are not French ! (to be fair, though, the French pay towards the possibility of requiring care in later life, through a special scheme deducted from their salaries)…...I do hope you can find some help or at least others to talk to who are going through this. I know you won't feel like doing battle at the moment …...good luck

I hate my MP but have used him to help me with a problem with my daughter, and why not I didn't vote for him but he is there and being paid a very fat salary to do a job. No scruples here.

Lucky I am so sorry. I have been in tears reading your post. There is nothing I can say or advise, but could not pass by without sending you love and hugs and . So sorry.

Well of course I am lucky - my husband was fast tracked for CHC. He got full PiP after a 20 minute phone call, no quibbling. Anything he needs to make him more comfortable someone will try very hard to obtain it for him. Of course, it probably won't cost them too much because all this is because he has a terminal, non-treatable illness. I hope he may go on past the 3 months but am horribly afraid he will not. He is not in a care home - he is here at home with me, dying in front of me effectively. This is no criticism of the OP - he is not in a home because he absolutely refuses to enter one; he cannot be forced and even if he could he would refuse food/drink until he died so I am his carer until the end. No one asked me if I wanted this, no one was interested.

If for some reason you think this should make me more sympathetic, well, I am not sure why. I think her situation has been longer and harder. But this time last year my husband could still get around, now I am just hoping he can survive into 2020. I didn't ask for my role as a carer and, frankly, I don't want it but there is no one else. But I haven't slept properly for months, the man I married has already gone as far as I am concerned and I am lonely and frightened. In this state of mind, and it not needing great insight to realise I work for a council, it was somewhat in the nature of the last straw to me to find a post trying to imply that public employee has deliberately sent out an unsympathetic letter.

I was perfectly prepared for my post to be reported and removed, I would be surprised if it is still there now.

And, barmeyoldbat, I am quite aware that people have no scruples in pursuit of their own way. This does mean I have to admire them; I am perfectly free to despise them, and I do.

Not attempting to diminish the awful , unacceptable and stressful situation Lucky and her husband are facing. It's relevant that today a number of directors of social services have spoken out about their fears that they simply can't cope with the demands because of years of short term reactive cuts to services, with no long term view.
They also say that if a private provider goes bust, which will certainly happen over the winter, the l.a.'s won't able to step in to care for the residents.

@librarylady I'm sorry too for your situation. It may be unpalatable, but your original post is a truthful summary of facts. Many posters on this thread, while wanting to be compassionate, are sounding off without even properly reading what the OP has written about her situation.

I think librarylady needs a few hugs ? too! I think you are both just exhausted.

Actually LL I do understand what you mean about the standard letters that government workers are forced to send out (Having once worked in Government I was appalled at Some of the letters I was forced to write in response to complaints). However your initial post came over as unsympathetic and I think the OP is speaking about the council in general and not the specific person who had to respond?

It is all so wrong! I have complained to mine but stressed I was not blaming the writer.

I wish you both well.

When all else fails, share your story with the local news people....nothing like some bad press to embarrass them and put them in their place. They should all hang their heads in shame!!!!