Was I a hard mother?

No, I don't think you were hard. I didn't have as many children as you but I did iron their clothing until they left school.

I packed their lunches or paid for school meals until they left school.

They are self-sufficient and well-adjusted adults now and they live their own lives.

My ex husband was good about shirts which were “drip dry” in those days and he was happy for me not to iron them. However when his ( long gone) mother came to stay she was shocked to find I didn’t iron them for him and accused me of being a bad wife!! Funnily enough my present partner has a mother who irons everything, even towels, so he expects all his clothes to be ironed! I don’t mind in this case as I’m retired and he still works full time.

I you weren’t a bad mother....
You were better than most. I met my husband when he was 25 , still living with parents and waited on hand and foot... he had NEVER even made a cup of tea. As for a sandwich. Even niw at 73 he’s useless . I brought our girl and boy up to be independent ... my unpartnered son does all his own cooking ,laundry ( including ironing).... and shopping g. His dad can’t u derstand him at all. Useless parenting breeds useless children ( especially boys) who seem to have an inbuilt expectation of ‘their rights’ to expect females to wait on them. You have done a brilliant job with your boys as I’ve done with my boy and girl! More power to our elbows!

My eldest daughter kept all her things neat and tidy, although I did most of the ironing, she could and did do it on occasion, she cut the lawns for an elderly neighbour, and she decorated her own room on several occasions.
My youngest daughter put in a lot of hours of sport every week, she also had a longer school week, so I didn’t expect her to do much. She had to keep her room tidy, because I wouldn’t clean it otherwise. She is now quite useless on the domestic front, never irons anything, only seems to do any washing when they run out of clothes, but she can turn her hand to any kind of DIY, and she’s a good cook, something she definitely didn’t learn from me.
My son is single, and self sufficient, but I think he might starve without M&S ready meals.

Why do we consider making sandwiches or ironing a few shirts as chores?
They are just part of our daily routine like cleaning our teeth, making our beds, tidying away and washing the dishes.
We did these things together when DC were young so they hardly had to learn how.

I don't know how expecting children to iron clothes and make their own packed lunch from the age of 10 equates with being a good/bad mother. Loving and caring for them, in whatever manner you choose, is what matters, and as one or two posters have mentioned, hot irons and children, not a good combination.

My children very self sufficient and independent. I must admit although being a single mother, I made their sandwiches and did their ironing until they left home at 22 and 26. Occassionally they used to iron things and would often cook if they wanted to. I taught my son to repair and put things together, he used to mow the lawns from about 12 because he wanted to. My daughter from about 12 used to clean and tidy her own room and change her bedding. I don't think I was an awful mother but can't have been a very good one as we are not close.

Farmor15 you taught your children well, from an early age. Well done.

Some children leave home these days and can't do a thing for themselves.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My children were doing their own ironing at a similar age. Interestingly my daughter, now the mother of two girls, rarely irons anything but my son does still do his own shirts. No, in answer to your question ‘ was I a bad mother’ ? Not as bad as me, I was the only mother in the West Midlands who wouldn’t let her daughter have her ears pierced and took board off them when they started work, really, really bad!

I know how lucky I was to be able to be a full time mother from choice. My DH ran a business and also held down another full time job so in effect I had to do all the parenting/school runs etc on my own. Having a large family I was really busy with them all, but felt that as I was at home and they were all out at work or school, I should do the bulk of all the chores. It all worked out really happily and now the children look after me!

I didn't really want my DC to get jobs but they did - paper rounds, Saturday jobs etc.
They were all supposed to be responsible for tidying their rooms and, when they were older, keeping them clean and sometimes washing up after a meal.

But if I'd started burdening them more by making them do their own washing and ironing etc. there wouldn't have been time for homework, for sports and other activities.

They were sometimes keen to help cook, they were certainly not helpless, but it was voluntary.

Well I had four grannyrebel17, and I totally agree with you. There’s plenty of time for them to be adults. Childhood is precious.

My kids never did any chores. I believe that your childhood is the only time in your life when you don't have any responsibilities and you should enjoy it. You can always learn boring stuff like ironing when you need to. Both my kids have coped without learning these skills as children. I couldn't boil an egg when I got married but I soon learnt. Probably a different story with 5 kids though

I remember when my daughter was in year 6, so 9/ 10 years old. They used to go swimming every week with the school. One week, one of her classmates sat in spectators, not swimming. It’s because he had a burn on his arm from ironing.

I was the same. Children did their own ironing from about 13 (I was working full time). DS still has a faint scar on abdomen when he was ironing topless and somehow ironed his own stomach. He is also a most excellent cook!

Yes I’d say hard, but then I was soft. Although I’d do the same over again!

Its ok for your kids to do their ironing but I think I'd have been inclined to make it fairer by making the DH iron his as well. I don't think it's chores that kids resent into the future, but perceived unfairness.

My daughters started ironing their own clothes at about 14 mainly because I hate ironing! I probably wouldn’t have trusted mine with an iron at 10 ??‍♀️
They had lunch at school, so packed lunches weren’t an issue. But I remember them doing their own packing for school trips and holidays from around the same age.
I did let them all help with cooking from a young age which they all still love.
I don’t think you were hard at all.

If your adult children are happy and in control of their lives you taught them well. Over pampering to children is unnecessary. I prefer to tumble and shake rather than iron for most clothing and sheets. My dh irons his own shirts.

I came from a family where the mum stayed home and did everything for her family. I emulated that and did everything for mine, but I did work, at one stage 50 to 60 hours weekly as a nurse and we had an au pair who did the ironing and a share of the housework. Ive always done everything in the house, and am happy to do it. My kids though all grew up, became excellent cooks, all pull their weight in the house with cleaning and domestic chores. I cant sit for long, I like being busy, love cooking, enjoy cleaning. I still work, I do pretty much everything for my husband who is retired. Old dogs and new tricks. He has never cooked or cleaned a bath...he is in his 70s and I cant be bothered to try and teach him. If I die first he will no doubt get in a housekeeper.

Thank heavens for Jacquil posting about two sons"..........
I have three offspring.
Never over fussed any, I refused to be a slave to any kind of housewife kind of role as much as enjoyed cooking it was a shared role.
My eldest is hopeless to the point his partner accused me of not training him to do anything in the home at all ?‍♀️
My second is amazing ?
My youngest is a mixture.
They are all capable but really.... share the duties don’t get hung up on who can do what.

My sister said I was a hard mother as I did the same as you. Son only ironed collar and front of his school shirt as blazer covered the rest. My eldest also said I was a bad mother for making them do things. When they all left home they could cook and look after themselves. My nephew used to bring laundry home for his mother to do after he left home. There is a saying. M is for mother not maid.

You sound perfectly reasonable to me.
I remember a school teacher at my daughter’s primary telling me off as my DD aged probably 7 or 8 said she made her own pack up and ironed her own school uniform. I was told that I was being cruel by the teacher, I told her to keep her nose out of home business and concentrate on getting my daughter to learn her times tables!!!
My DD was making dinner for 4 including Christmas Lunch for 8 by the time she was 10.

She is a mum herself now and I hope she will show her children how to look after themselves too.

My DS has always been able to do stuff too, although he did used to pay my DD to do his ironing and still, at 27 pays a company to do it? more money than sense I would say!!! He does all the cleaning and cooking in his home as his partner was never taught how to.

Farmor1 You sound fine to me. I wonder if that friend who is ironing shirts for men of 20+ would be doing it if she had female children? Any future partners of those lads won't be delighted to find they still expect a woman to be their domestic servant. Time to grow up, boys!