Unsure when to leave

LEAVE NOW! He isn’t your responsibility any longer. He is a grown man and shouldn’t need you or his mummy to sort him out. Look after yourself as the number one priority.

SANDY2020, as an addendum or amendment with my previous post - if you leave now, you can sort the bills out when you are in a safe place that he doesn't know about.

That includes ending the tenancy agreement or changing it to his name; and ditto the bills - cancelling them or putting them into his name. But do that when you are in a safe place.

In need, get the police involved to take you to a safe place.

Please go now. For your own life's sake. Have no regrets. It's your life and you deserve happiness.

There may be things you need to forfeit and leave behind, but believe me, you're worth the price!

Have you contacted any of the support professionals linked on here? Dont worry, they wont force you to "press charges" etc x

Everything can be sorted from your mums. This is not the type of situation where you give notice etc

SANDY whatever reason you had for not going yet, the "cat is out of the bag" now as the utilities and EA know so he will find out soon if he doesnt already know which means you have to change your plans: go today! Please! When an abuser learns that their victim is planning to leave it becomes the most dangerous time in the relationship. If he knows he may be planning something and you dont want to be there to find out what it is x

Yes I agree, you must leave. He has forfeited anything you might have to offer by hitting you the first time. All the best for the future.

SANDY2020 leave now.

His mental health problems are not your problem. He is a bully and the more he bully's you the more he is controlling you. He does NOT love you. If he did, he would not hit you nor behave the way he does. Your are just his emotional punch bag.

Put a plan of action together and get yourself ready to leave.

* You can either take the route of giving a month's notice on the tenancy agreement, and leave maybe 3 weeks or less, before the tenancy ends. On the day he goes to out leave a note on the table telling him that he has got X amount of time to leave the house because you have given notice on the lease. Ensure that all bills for water and electrics, etc are paid up until the leaving date and then after that everything is terminated. Leave him the keys. And go somewhere safe.

* The other alternative is for you to put the tenancy agreement, council tax, water, electricity, gas, etc into his name; leave a note to that effect and leave - go to a safe place. The bills are his problem. He will have to deal with it and grow up.

In both cases, if you feel that you need a policeman or woman to be with you when you leave the house - don't hesitate to ask for their protection.

If you think that your husband will try to find you at a friend's house or your parents' house - rather go to a women's refuge first.

This documentary might help you: www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2019/feb/26/safe-at-last-inside-a-womens-refuge-review-film-desperate-situation

Here are links to women's refuges: england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/temporary_housing_if_youre_homeless/refuges_if_youre_a_woman_suffering_from_domestic_abuse

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

www.refuge.org.uk/

Please leave now/asap. Don't wait until your husband's parents get back. You can leave with a clean conscience because the issue is his problem, not yours.

I can only add to all the previous posts
GO NOW
DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOUR PLANS
OR YOUR MUM'S ADDRESS
You owe him nothing. He does not deserve you, and you do not deserve to live like this.
PLEASE GO NOW, FORGET ABOUT PLANS, JUST GO!!!

It wasn’t until my ex neighbour was in hospital with her arm broken in two places that she fully accepted that not having a hot meal on the table the very minute he walked in did not entitle him to beat her.

You don’t sound stupid at all. You are bravely facing up to a dreadful situation and heading for a much happier and healthier new life. His parents can deal with the monster they have created.

There is reasons but I will be going soon thanks to all appreciated

OP what's stopping/delaying you from going to your mum's now? x

I'm not telling his family till I'm gone they hate me and when I went to them for help after he punched me in my arm they called me a drama queen and sent me home to him

(You dont need to do it at all, but if you must)

Contact his family
Tell them when you are leaving

Please don't do that until after you've left!
Stay safe x

Contact his family
Tell them when you are leaving
If they are concerned they can come home and look after him

Please leave as soon as you can and finish with the misc. stuff at your mom's. When I was 19, I was married to a charming, sociopathic man for just one year. He slapped me at one point. I was shocked but didn't act. When he shoved me to the wall by my neck, I left. He is now on death row for paying someone to kill his second wife who was 9 months pregnant. Men who punch women seldom change and usually escalate in their behaviors.

Don’t say you are stupid. No-one knows what they would do until they are in an abusive situation themselves. You are doing really well. Everyone here is re-assuring you. Get out. Put your own safety first. And don’t be sucked back in. You are not responsible for this man.

I sat at a solicitors asking for advice about the same thing 30 years ago. The advice was to leave immediately but my husband was in a good cycle so I felt I couldn't kick a man who was being nice to me. That was an almighty big mistake. I had to be rescued by the neighbours but I was in a bit of a state that I really didn't need to have been in. The whole thing was a nightmare with emergency court sessions, etc. Please, do yourself a favour, protect yourself not him or his mother.

OP I hope you are at your mums!

If you arent yet, but have already contacted utilities/estate agent, you need to leave NOW walk out right NOW and walk to a public place (take away/pub) and call a taxi from there!

The utilities/estate agents might let it slip to him or might contact him assuming you've already left, which puts you at the most risk you've been in yet!

Anything not yet done can be done from your mum's.

If you are already at your mums, well done & let yourself off the hook: if his parents are now inconvenienced its only because they agree to be!

Whatever you do don't let him know you are leaving. Just go and don't wait. He will be able to jog along for a few weeks until his parents return and they can sort him out. He is not your responsibility, yours is to stay safe and by staying with him you are not. Just go.

When I was young I had to leave a similar type of character. I was the tenant but left to stay with a work colleague.

I was terrified that he'd realise and kick off. I would take a few things to work (clothes, shoes, documents, bills etc.) in my bag and she stored them in her spare room.

When I was ready to leave, I arranged for her (and her brother) to wait at the end of the road in her car - at 2 am!
I pretended to sleep then crept out (barefoot, coat over pyjamas) and escaped.

Once I was safely at her house, I gave notice, sent meter readings etc. I would have liked to take more of my possessions but it just wasn't worth the risk. He was evicted. There were no repercussions at all!

Waters in my name also but have spoken to them and they said if I can get a letter from gp they may be able to help me write of the debt my partner earns way more than me but expects me to pay out every penny tbh he doesn't have much left at end of month but whingeing for cans of diet coke and sweets in a tight food shop budget and me been to scared to say no ......I'm ashamed I know I sound so stupid xx

Thanks all I've put a stop on contact from estate agent lettings to him and told them situation and I'll be giving notice soon I will flit take what's mine when hes at work xx gas/elec pay as go so no Bill's just phone call and shy phones etc in his name for him to sort my only issue is council tax and council tax debt is a ccj in my name but I only have 3 more payments on it!may ring them explain situation and see if they can help me xx(he pays rent,council tax)

I would go he is not your respo nsibility.let his parents do that.get out while you can.he needs adult services here

Get out asap. There is NOTHING to be gained by staying any longer. Good luck for your future, I wish you well.