Gransnet forums


How we react to others part 2!

(21 Posts)
crazyH Thu 16-Jan-20 19:46:16

Wouldn't have mentioned this, but since we're on the subject : - had a family meal last Sunday. On the way back in the car (my son told me) , my little 4 year old grand daughter told them "everyone likes Nanny, isn't it ?) .....and my son said, he wanted to tell her, you'll have to ask Bampi (my ex husband) .....honestly, I haven't yet come down from Cloud 9 .....nice to know that I am likeable 😂

Chewbacca Thu 16-Jan-20 19:30:48

Once or twice I've ignored my gut instinct about someone. And regretted it. Gut instincts are there for a reason imo and should be listened to.

Doodledog Thu 16-Jan-20 19:26:33

I don't know if I believe in it or not, but reincarnation would explain why we sometimes take a liking or dislike to people. If we've met them before in a previous life, then I suppose it would make us have feelings that are otherwise inexplicable.

Usually, I work on the assumption that people are good unless or until they prove me wrong. I prefer that approach to the one of not trusting people until they have earned it. Yes, I've had my fingers burnt a few times, but I've also had good friends. I wouldn't like to be always looking for the bad in people.

MissAdventure Thu 16-Jan-20 19:06:39

If I tend not to like someone I rarely change my mind, although I have a couple of times.
I would say more often I decide that people aren't my cup of tea rather than actively dislike them.

Gemini1789 Thu 16-Jan-20 18:21:24

Oh yes endless I do .
I dislike one or two posters who dominate threads with their definite points of view. The ones I’m thinking of state their points of view as facts.

Baggs Wed 15-Jan-20 17:20:53

I've never thought my preferences were based on facts alone.
Comments about stereotypes are often criticised as bad but actually many stereotypes have become what they are because they have served a useful purpose, such as quick recognition of what might be a dangerous situation because of the facial expression or body language of a person, or the fear of spiders and snakes that many people have.

I don't know if such things are intuitive or genetically inherited but they could be.

GrandmaMoira Wed 15-Jan-20 16:48:57

I never met anyone who said they liked Jimmy Saville. Personally I always thought him creepy.
I recently read a book called Blink that explains in a scientific way why our first impressions from the first few seconds are right. It was quite interesting.

ladymuck Wed 15-Jan-20 16:10:21

There used to be an expression of 'bad or good vibes', meaning that we all give off energy which reflects our basic character. This is why we instinctively like or dislike someone. We are responding to something on a deeper level of consciousness.
It even comes across on tv. Some people shut their minds to it and just operate on a superficial level. A person's true character usually shows itself, though.
How many of us always thought Jimmy Saville was 'a bit creepy', but couldn't explain why, while others wouldn't hear a word said against him?
I took an instant dislike to Stuart Hall, yet he seemed nice enough. The truth came out eventually.

endlessstrife Wed 15-Jan-20 16:00:01

Just out of interest, and not mentioning anyone, does anyone get the “ like/ dislike” feeling on here, where we can’t see or hear each other, and look at body language etc.?

endlessstrife Wed 15-Jan-20 15:56:22

I tend to like or dislike people immediately too, but have never been wrong. Even if I’ve tried to like them, I always go back to my first choice, a bit like clothes shopping.

rosenoir Tue 14-Jan-20 17:27:49

Same here sodapop.
I never judge on appearance , just get a feeling about people and more often than not are proved wrong.

sodapop Tue 14-Jan-20 17:19:28

I tend to like or dislike people immediately and have been proved wrong more than once.

Gaunt47 Tue 14-Jan-20 16:55:42

I have found that if I don't like someone, for whatever reason - they often don't like me either.
Doesn't often happen I'm happy to say!
So perhaps it could be intuition Namsnanny.

Gemini1789 Tue 14-Jan-20 16:49:50

That thread was asking about the age of people on here. So we naturally search for clues about people. And then do we dismiss them because they are too young or too old ?

Gemini1789 Tue 14-Jan-20 16:46:32

Yes I think the internet is bad for that , telling us about things we might not have known existed .
Pity no one else has joined in yet. It’s a really interesting thread. Another similar one on here began something like , “ Because we can’t see each other “ I must look it up again. It referred to us being anonymous on here.
I was thinking about serial killers. Some are charismatic even though you know they have done atrocious acts. In this case you are not judging on appearance alone of course.
Luckily I haven’t experienced a really traumatic assault but people who have might avoid anyone who resembles the attacker.
Sometimes I just get a feeling about someone and dislike them without knowing why .

Namsnanny Tue 14-Jan-20 14:08:17

I can't honestly answer that! I don't t think I've had firm ideas about a person on first meeting.
But I am aware of my becoming more accepting of them as I get to k know them.
Also I've been shocked beyond my expectations, by some things people have done.
I would take from that I dont actually understand the person as well as I thought I did?!)

Gemini1789 Mon 13-Jan-20 20:00:33

Yes maybe so .
Have you often changed your mind about someone after your initial impression ? If so why ?

Namsnanny Mon 13-Jan-20 19:55:01

Perhaps you made an effort because of your parents influence on you and looked past the tattoos, and concentrated on the person?

Interesting chicken or egg!

Gemini1789 Mon 13-Jan-20 19:23:26

To answer more directly I have a thing about tattoos having been told to avoid them by my parents. So I suppose this might be why I don’t like them. But one of my daughters had a heavily decorated partner at one stage and this did not stop me liking him.

Gemini1789 Mon 13-Jan-20 19:13:09

That’s a really interesting question. Recently we have been talking about what makes us like or dislike people without knowing much about them. I often switch the sound off the tv and what attracts me to people is a calm expression and someone who seems to look at the speaker without trying to interrupt.
Subconscious influences obviously play a part . You know you should look past things like body decorations but that tells you something about the person anyway.
I find it fascinating to guess where someone comes from without the sound on tv.

Namsnanny Mon 13-Jan-20 19:00:25

I described how I reacted to my sons change of appearance in the other thread, but the point I really wanted to make was

How much of our likes dislikes etc., are based on intuitive feelings about the past or some other influential situation only known to us?

In which case can we actually say our preferences are based on facts alone?