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Overbearing friend what can I do .

(10 Posts)
Saddee55 Thu 16-Jan-20 00:40:28

HELLO ALL..I feel slightly guilty saying this ....but over the last few years I’ve started seeing a friend I’ve known for quite some years just for coffee now and again which was fine but then she wanted our husbands coming along with us and that was fine only now it’s not now and again it’s every couple of weeks ,neither of them are really interested in what we have to say it’s all about them ,when we do get a word in their either looking over our shoulders at something going on elsewhere or it’s a quick acknowledgement and back to them ...my friend emails me everyday asking how I am ,I lost my mum in 2017 and she did help me through that but now I feel she’s suffocating me ...she wants to meet every couple of weeks ....and the constant emails and having to explain how I’m feeling everyday is just getting too much ....I’ve just been diagnosed with depression and I had a real tough year last year ..I just want to spend time with my husband and our family , but I don’t know what to say to my friend I really don’t want to hurt her but I need her to just let me be for awhile..

SANDY2020 Thu 16-Jan-20 00:42:53

Simply dont answer daily just weekly

whywhywhy Thu 16-Jan-20 00:49:56

Tell her that you want to spent more time with your husband and family and can't meet up the next time. Leave a gap between meetings. Don't be quick to reply to her emails etc. Meet other people or join a club and just be busy when she wants you around. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your mam, you'll still be grieving. It took me ages to get over mine. Also I battle depression on a daily basis. Take care. X

Hetty58 Thu 16-Jan-20 00:57:52

Saddee, this friend and her husband aren't helping you to feel better. You'll have to explain that, although you value her friendship, you need more time between meet ups.

Tell her that you don't need daily emails - in fact you are getting too many from people so will only be reading them weekly.

(If somebody wanted me to report on how I'm feeling, every bloody day, I think I'd be depressed. I'd far rather focus on what I'm doing than how I feel.)

welbeck Thu 16-Jan-20 02:18:03

I think you have to take more control of the situation, and not just follow in her wake as it were.
you have gone along with what she wanted and it is too much.
now its time to state your own wishes, needs, priorities.
not merely react to her leading.
simply say, no offence but I need more time to myself and by myself, just with the family, i've had a difficult time and I now need to withdraw somewhat. thank you for your interest and I wish you well.
leave it at that. you don't have to keep dancing to her tune just because you don't want to hurt her. you can be polite, but you need to look after yourself.
she is more of an acquaintance really, rather than a true friend. if she gets the huff, so what.
good luck.

sodapop Thu 16-Jan-20 08:38:55

Good solution welbeck and one which I would go along with Saddee55. Good luck.

Oldwoman70 Thu 16-Jan-20 08:55:19

You don't need to answer her daily emails but if you must then say you are fine and nothing else. When she suggests meeting just say you are busy - no need to explain why or doing what - and say you will be in touch when you have more time.

annsixty Thu 16-Jan-20 09:00:06

That last post from Oldwoman is right, just reply weekly “Fine but very busy” no explanation needed.

timetogo2016 Thu 16-Jan-20 09:05:45

I agree with all of the above.
And she is adding to your depression.

Saddee55 Thu 16-Jan-20 10:33:51

Thank you everyone great advice and everyone saying virtually the same ..I do need to take control ... so early this morning I got my text what’s your plans for today, how you feeling ...I just said spending time with family I’m fine have a nice day ...I will also only answer once a week like most are saying ...thank you whywhywhy yes I’m still hurting from the loss of mum .thanks everyone .