men on postnatal wards at night

I think, but am not sure, that most, if not all, post-natal wards comprise small private rooms in New Zealand. Even so, husbands and partners or any other family members are not expected to spend the night there unless there are serious medical issues with mother, baby or both. Food, although nothing madly exciting, and coffee/tea are usually available. The idea that dad can cuddle up in a not very wide hospital bed with mum, who may have stitches, painful breasts, be achy and will certainly be very tired is really absurd – a mattress on the floor or a comfy chair suffices.

I’m sorry you had that experience muffinthemoo.

I’m sorry you were left to sort yourself out.

I hate that you needed a man to get the staff to listen, but I’m so glad that you had that option.

I think there are safeguarding issues around this. many years ago when I was a staff nurse on nights I had a few instances of drunk, abusive members of the public who were next of kin to patients who had been admitted overnight via A and E who scared and threatened me. unfortunately there was one night charge nurse who was completely unsupportive and left me to sort these situations out myself. later on there security guards were introduced - are they not in this hospital?

Callistemon, I know they used to do that - they tried with me but I refused to let them out of my sight! We have milk allergy in the family and I was too scared that somebody might give them a bottle. Luckily, I've never needed much sleep.

I wasn't physically fit after a horrendous third delivery to look after baby. He howled like a banshee whenever he was put down and the midwives were narked that he was disturbing the

I hadn't slept for over two days before he was born (blame inductions that go on forever), had been in HDU after theatre due to complications and severe haemorrhage, and I was physically not fit to be sitting up in bed awake holding little guy for hours on end. I was terrified I would doze off and drop him.

The midwives told me that the policy of 'rooming-in' i.e. baby is not taken from your bedside for anything other than medical need of baby, was not negotiable.

My brother is a doctor in another part of the hospital. Luckily he was on nights and popped up to see me in a 'quiet' spell. I burst into tears and told him I was hallucinating from lack of sleep, was convinced I was going to drop baby and kill him, and I absolutely could not stay awake any longer.

He wheeled baby off to speak to midwives and the next thing I remember it was daylight. I don't know exactly what he said but I will be eternally grateful.

I completely understand the issue with d'bag partners on maternity wards (I have some epic stories from antenatal ward stays) but it would be good to remember that some folk, after birth, are not "tired but well" but are actually in a pretty bad state and do need some extra hands.

I'm quite happy for them not to be a birth partner, but in that case the midwifery assistants need to have their rotas increased so they can let the banged-up folk get a few hours' sleep and a shower and a meal now and then...!

I agree with private rooms

In this case it’s women who need support who lose

Or women who don’t who lose.

It’s why I said upthread, that instead of fighting about men in the ward, people should be fighting for better care for women. No matter what that looks like

Personally I don’t think a ward full of women learning to care for their new babies is at all caring for them or supporting them.

Middle ground would be private rooms. It's interesting that when it comes to womens privacy and dignity, the middle ground always involves women having to give that up.

Interesting as well that apparently the only women Whose rights matter are the ones who are considered to be doing it properly ie alone and without support

So basically no middle ground huh?

So few people willing to see that this is not black and white.

Disappointing

My daughter was disturbed most of the night by someone’s husband snoring loudly.

No. Absolutely not. It's not a hotel where people can come and go as they please. How can staff 'police' a situation like that! What adult needs somebody to hold their hand at all hours of the day. New mums are barely in hospital for any length of time. IMO they need rest and advice and support from staff.

Nanny41
I agree with your rant!

Hetty58
They used to take the babies off to the nursery so mums could have a sleep and bring them back when they needed to be fed or mums wanted some bonding time.

I didn't enjoy feeling isolated.

I must join in,I was a midwife in the mid sixties, I know I am ancient! but in those days there were strikt rules about visiting times, we youngsters saw we kept to them, there were two visitors to each bed,and as soon as we rang the bell after visitng was over, out they went then we could go home, there was never a problem the visitors kept to the rules.The way things are these days are awful, imagine taking food into a ward or getting into a Hospital bed beside the patient even if it is the Husband, imagine the noise with mobiles ringing, people talking loudly etc, and new Mums trying to cope with baby and to bond with it with all that going on around.As someone else said when there were Matrons, bless them, this behaviour wouldnt have been tolerated,it wouldnt have been thought of. End of rant!

Many people can't afford even a couple of hundred pounds Hetty. Great if you can. I think the NHS has more important things to budget for than private rooms.

It's a time when you want to be alone with your new baby, not stuck in a noisy, public environment. Ideally, the chance to doze when/if the baby sleeps and begin breastfeeding in peace and quiet. Newborns are vulnerable to germs as well, so it seems unwise to have extra people staying so long.

Having said all that, they still barged in at 7 am to hoover my room!

I might get a lot disagreeing with me on this point But if the women have a straight forward birth they usually elect to go home after 6/12hrs that’s fine if they are ok medically. Now problem births ( and I had 3 of those ) no husband with me through all 4 of my births.
But these days are different now.
I think rooms for those who have difficult births and want their men to stay
not wards were other women are breast feeding, or having medical needs done, that’s not on!! everyone wants or needs privacy, especially after birth.

SunnySusie, surely that’s what security staff are employed for ?

I work in a large teaching hospital in the south of England and it would be lovely if everyone could have a single en suite room, but I cant see it happening. Even the new wing of the hospital has just been built with six bed side wards sharing one loo. This is the NHS. Very difficult for staff to enforce the rules if people point blank refuse to comply. Unsurprisingly senior staff are generally quite busy overseeing the care of the patients, and the junior staff are reluctant to engage in what can be an huge scene with uncooperative visitors.

I’ve just been in one of those new unisex toilets which rather confused me. So can’t imagine what it must be like having strange men wandering around when you’ve just given birth. Also. When I was in hospital overnight a while ago, translator and her patient on ward talked loudly into the night. Was very annoying!

No no and thrice no Goodness I would really hate that it’s a ridiculous idea if the woman wants her husband overnight have a home birth if she can’t have a home birth tough
I was on my own for all three of mine I could have done with the support at the time but I wouldn’t have wanted more than handholding and support at the birth
For heavens sake it's a hospital
Dreadful idea

The sharing of bathrooms and showers was just repulsive to me so it was well worth a couple of hundred quid to have my own.

I insisted on paying for my own room with three of mine (the fourth was a mere six hour stay) as I just couldn't stand the thought of sharing a ward with a load of strange women, let alone men!

MissA
When I was in the maternity home (what wonderful places they were!) with one of my DC, they used to lock the doors at night because drunks used to try to get in!
This home was situated in a nice park but was obviously en route from various pubs to an area of housing.

Sumnerlove

You must be joking.

No I'm not. Staff have complained and are being ignored by management because some people will shout about their entitlements. Never mind the rights of the other mothers.

No one said men aren't supposed to be included and share parenting, but yes, they should "bugger off" home to their own beds.

^Fathers in maternity wards is about family bonding.
Btw, different mothers in the same room is being surrounded by strangers, even if no men were around^

Bonding will happen when the mother and baby go home. A few days won't make a difference.

Other mothers are really not the same as other men.