Worried about baby grandson

DD2 had Mongolian blue spot and no link with Asian or Mediterranean genes.
Don't leave almost 3 year old alone in bath yet never mind a baby.
Next time check if it is still there/fading and if so and it's not a birth mark then ask your DD. If she is cagey then report it.

He may say baby doesnt like him because only dd can sooth him?

It is not unusual for a baby to prefer a parent.

Also, when you visit, you see just a little bit of their lives, you don't get the whole picture.

Maybe they are stressed that they have a visitor and their routine is not the usual one?

If I knew my mil was so worried about my parenting, I would walk on eggshells and even stop the visits.

OP,

Do you trust your dd or not?

Can I just say that many fathers struggle with handling a small baby. The idea that the baby hates him may stem from the fact that he can't soothe it and the baby quietens best for the mother. Perhaps he could be helped to overcome this with a little encouragement such as taking time when the baby is happy and will respond well to him. In fact both parents might benefit from parenting classes. I'm not saying don't report this if you need to just that it may be helpful as well to try to help him develop better skills. I also remember someone once telling me that our reponses to a crying baby are linked to our earliest experiences of care so maybe the father didn't have the best experiences and needs help.

Follow your conscience and please don’t follow any advice telling you to stay out of it. The papers are full of babies being harmed and mothers being complicit. Keep your eye on your grandson and if you see anything else that worries you and especially any injuries, perhaps try and speak to a health visitor (if we still have such things). In my opinion social services are pretty useless but you could perhaps have a word with some professional without making an official complaint. I hope your worries are unfounded.

Oh this is such a horrible thing to post and talk about and I'm stressing a lot about it. All of you make good points and I feel more confused than ever. I'm going to try and talk to both of them when I next go up (although they both aren't the best at communicating) and also speak to a healthcare worker in my local surgery about it too. What a fantastic place this is. I was expecting abuse and criticisms not all this varied and sensible advice and care, thank you all so much. I'm going to have a look around the whole site later when I get some free time and see what else is going on around here. Much love to you all x

The father's attitude does sound as though it could be a prelude to abuse. Demonising a baby he doesn't like me for example, leaving him alone in the bath and thus treating him as though he's a much older child could be warning signs. I think I would follow my gut instinct too and tell a health professional of your fears,
The potential abuser probably wants to be stopped and will thank you for it. Who wants to hurt their own child?
Be brave and speak your fears!

Good link shysal. My son had what looked like a bruise on his buttock at birth and it wasn't until a health visitor explained Mongolian blue spot that I realised why the midwife was asking whether I had foreign relatives, which I haven't. However, it seems it is very common and not just restricted to those of Asian descent. Fascinating.

Social services now.
A bruise already?
Don't wait till that baby is seriously harmed. I speak from experience.
A baby in my family was harmed (not permanently thank god) by its father after we tiptoed around him. I was the one who undressed the baby and found the bruises.
I had to take it to hospital where police were called and baby had all sorts of traumatic testing.
Baby's mother had to fight through the court system for 2 years and was under social services the whole time.
Trust your instincts. Act. Before father snaps and does real damage. You will never forgive yourself.
A non moving baby would not get a bruise to the back on its own.

Posters on here have reminded me about Mongolian blue spots. These Google images certainly resemble bruises. However, the father's attitude is still worrying.Mongolian blue spots images

"I see the baby once a week when I visit their house as I live quite far away from them."

mumofmadboys the original poster is not able to keep a close eye on things unfortunately.

No, leaving a baby in the bath is not something "we all do".

It is neglect, and could lead to death.

I have just asked 3 people here, and they are shocked at the baby being left alone in a bath.

Report this, and deny, deny, deny if you are ever accused of reporting.
It's a little white lie.

We all do the very occasional risky behaviour with our children and realise we shouldn't have done it. Please don't over-react to the situation. Keep a close eye on things and try and be as supportive to your DD and SIL as possible.

I think you should contact Social Services and say you wish to remain anonymous.
Hopefully all is well, but you have enough reason to be concerned and the stakes are too high to “wait and see”
You have huge sympathy from me for finding yourself in this situation. The baby is utterly defenceless and vulnerable and must therefore come before all else. This is not a difference of opinion about parenting styles.

No need to "risk" any relationship, prioritise the child in this above all, and report it anon.

Sadly, too many people speak up too late in such cases.
I would hate to hear this child drowned.

Could you perhaps suggest to your daughter to make a GP appointment and you could accompany her and the baby. A way round it would maybe offer to drive them there. Go with your instincts.

Not only Asian descent Mum any mixed race baby or babies with olive skins My children all had Mongolian spots which looked very bruised for a while

Is your SIL of Asian descent at all? The 'bruise' could be a Mongolian blue spot , a natural occurrence in children of Asian descent. I would recommend watchful waiting. Dads can feel very excluded from babies care but once the child grows a little Dad can feel much more involved. Don't risk your ongoing relationship with them all at this stage. I hope sincerely things improve

Could your DD be afraid of her partner? This might explain why she is scared to approach the subject of the bruising. Anyway, if there is a way to express your concerns to a third party, I think you should do it at least for your own peace of mind, but specially for your little grandson.

I do not think there is anything to lose by alerting SS or health visitor, surely there is a way of them checking without saying it is due to a report from somebody.

Maybe they just need some parenting classes which can be arranged by the health visitor if needed.

I do not see that you will have peace of mind doing nothing.

People who have mentioned regular visits from the health visitor will be horrified to hear that these days developmental checkups are done by questionnaire ? My question when I found this out was “How do they spot the bruises then?”

Red flags from both the parents.

If you are right your daughter is an enabler, too.

Anger directed at a baby is emotional abuse

Leaving a baby in the bath is neglect.

Not seeking medical advice for a baby with a bruise near the spine, unless it is the mongolian spot, is neglect.

Report anonymously, and hopefully your fears will be proved unfounded - don't wait until you are proved right.

Good luck with this very difficult decision.

I don't think your concern is misplaced either Funkadelic leaving a baby of that age unsupervised in the bath is worrying. Why does he think the baby hates him? Maybe that was a bit tongue in cheek.
I would certainly talk more with your daughter but not in anger just a concerned grandparent.

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.staffsscb.org.uk/Professionals/Procedures/Section-Three/Section-Three-Docs/Section-3D-Bruising-in-Children-who-are-Non-Mobile-or-under-6.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjo9Lfhnp_nAhX2TxUIHeLADFYQFjAIegQICBAB&usg=AOvVaw3tKKeriKhFTdey1Qf243gV
This is the advice we follow.
I would say you're wise to be concerned. Obviously no-one wants to believe the worst, but as previously said you can discuss this in confidence with the NSPCC and an anonymous referral can be made if they think it's warranted.
Better safe than sorry x

You can report a child to social services or the NSPCC and remain anonymous.

Below is a quote from the NSPCC site.

Reporting child abuse anonymously
You don't have to tell us who you are, where you live or share your contact details. If you do choose to share any of these with us, you can tell us not to share them with other agencies – like the police or social services.
www.nspcc.org.uk

Are you sure the ‘bruise’ is not a Mongolian spot as others have said, which could be why the mum isn’t worried but strange she isn’t putting you out of your worries if it is
It is worrying if he is short tempered but you would expect your daughter to be on guard if he is
Do you trust your daughter and her ability with the baby surely if you do she would be aware of any problems and protect her baby boy