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Soop's kind, caring and sharing kitchen.

(1001 Posts)
soop Sat 01-Feb-20 15:03:09

Here we are again. Happy as can be...all good pals and jolly good company.

Whatever we need to share...feel free to join in. cupcake wine brew flowers smile sunshine

soop Fri 06-Mar-20 14:26:05

Morethan So many supportive messages. We all want to find the right words. Many of us, me included, cannot. I would like to say that Galen's message spoke eloquently and I wish to add my name to her message. flowers

Charleygirl5 Fri 06-Mar-20 13:13:59

Greyduster are his any better?

Greyduster Fri 06-Mar-20 12:59:32

Morethan it goes without saying that you will continue to be the calm in the eye of the storm for your grandchildren, even though your own sadness must be tearing you apart, and a consolation to your DiL. Don’t feel you have to keep your sadness to yourself on here.

Feelingmyage DH recently told me I made the toughest pancakes he’d ever eaten! There may lie the answer to your toilet paper dilemma!😜. Okay, I’m going now........!

annsixty Fri 06-Mar-20 11:48:45

morethan and all your family flowers and very warmest good wishes.
Talk it all out with all of us, your loved ones need your strength now.

silverlining48 Fri 06-Mar-20 11:31:48

Morethan I can only say how much I admire you for the love and support you have given your daughter in law and all the family in this absolutely heartbreaking situation. You were right to contact her nurse and I just want to say you are all in my thoughts.
Love x

Galen Fri 06-Mar-20 11:26:51

The decision has to be your dil’s not her mother’s.
The only way that could be would be if would be if the mother had an EPOA. I presume she hasn’t.
It’s cruel when the end is definite to prolong hope by continuing treatment. My heart goes out to you and your family. Stay strong.
We on GN never mind you using us. It’s part of what makes us a strong group. We’re all here for each other.

Charleygirl5 Fri 06-Mar-20 11:03:11

morethan that is so sad that her mother cannot let go, accept the awful situation and try making the remaining weeks your DIL has as happy as possible. My heart also goes out for your son and children- the latter do not fully understand but your son needs as much help as possible and not be in the middle of a feud about treatment.

It is so good that your DIL can speak with you about the children's lives in the future. It is a heart-rending situation and please- do not forget we are here if you want to offload.

We will soon be moving kitchens- we have just moved into this one- I will need my sat nav no doubt.

Bathsheba Fri 06-Mar-20 10:25:09

morethan I am so deeply sorry to hear that your DDiL is now reaching the end of her long journey. I'm not a regular kitchener, but couldn't click away from this. What a desperately sad situation for all of you, made more difficult to bear with her husband and mother not being able to agree on her treatment. It must be so hard for you, being in the middle of this and witnessing the distress all round, especially for your poor grandchildren. Her mother just can't bear to accept that she's dying, and wants to hold onto her at any cost. We are all mothers, and I'm sure we can so understand that desperate urge to keep her here.

I think you were absolutely right to speak to her McMillan nurse, not interfering at all, just trying to help find a resolution. I'm sure she (her nurse) will know how to talk gently to your DiL's mother and help her to let go, she will have had so much experience of these situations.

Please post as much as you need, with no apology - we are all here for you. In my thoughts and prayers, as always. flowers

annodomini Fri 06-Mar-20 10:13:49

morethan, please do continue to share your feelings with us. That is what we're here for - sorrow and joy alike. Your poor DiL is too ill to be bothered by this feud between her mother and her husband. I feel sad for he mother, refusing to give up hope when it's now past hope. I know you have been very close to your DiL. I wonder if she has been close to her mother.
A frosty morning here. My outside thermometer said -3 but the sun is coming round now and although it's not warm, at least the frost is mostly gone now.There are fat buds on the trees. Spring is tentatively coming!

chicken Fri 06-Mar-20 09:58:03

morethan I am so sorry for your anguish and how you must feel split, wanting your DiL to recover and longing for her pain to be over. Her mother sounds to be selfish in trying to carry on with treatment which is doing no good and just prolonging her daughter's misery. Your DiL is fortunate in having you as an advocate and supporter and I think you were right to let the nurse know how toxic the situation has become. Try to look after yourself as well---grief and worry are exhausting and you need all your strength to face the future. Sending love.

GrannyGravy13 Fri 06-Mar-20 09:51:58

morethan I think you done the correct thing contacting the McMillan nurse, they must see this situation time and time again flowers

You must remember to take care of you as your DS and GC will need all the support they can get in the coming weeks.

GrannySomerset Fri 06-Mar-20 09:48:59

So hard trying to do the best for everyone, Morethan, and exhausting too. Sounds as if your DiL can talk more honestly with you than with anyone, and that will be a blessing. Agree with others that contacting the Macmillan nurse was entirely proper and could be very helpful.

Baggs Fri 06-Mar-20 09:41:01

morethan flowers

Susan56 Fri 06-Mar-20 09:39:51

Another lovely picture of young Ted soop💙
Am quite envious of all you crafters.My grandma and mum were both very talented at needlework,crafting,knitting and crochet.Mum still does some knitting but her sight isn’t good enough for needlework anymore.Sadly,the arty gene passed me by.I have some lovely things they have made over the years including a dolls bed made by my dad with patchwork bedding made by mum.After my dad died,she wanted something to challenge her and to learn something new so she built dolls houses for both my girls which the grandchildren now love playing with.I also have the hand made silk blouse my grandma made for her City and Guilds exam.
Morethan,I am so sorry,you and your family are often in my thoughts and prayers.It is so hard being the ‘strong one’ for everybody but the support and love you are giving to your daughter in law,son and grandchildren will be such a comfort to your daughter in law.I think contacting the McMillan nurse was exactly the right thing to do.Please post as often as you need to,everybody needs an outlet for their feelings and grief,let us be yours💐

kittylester Fri 06-Mar-20 09:39:08

smileless, thank you for the correct name for dgd's character. Once I had moaning Minnie in my head nothing was capable of shifting it. grin

morethan, I am ashamed to say j read your post early on this morning but I couldn't think of anything to say. How you cope with the situation day in day out, I have no idea. You have my full admiration and I wish we could do something to help.

Have a lovely day topsy and try not to yawn! grin

Off to make more tea for the decorators!! Back later but please leave corks to show the way if you've moved.

Smileless2012 Fri 06-Mar-20 09:26:34

Grannygravy and Galon hopefully we'll all be able to go and enjoy our holidays although I must say Italy's looking rather ominous now schools, colleges and universities have been closed all over the country.

No toilet rolls Feelingmyageshock, that's crazy. I went to Aldi yesterday for a weeks' shopping and the shelves were full as normal. Hmmm Flapjack and Victoria sponge; sounds lovely.

I'm so sorry about your d.i.l. morethan and wish I could think of something to say. FWIW I agree with cornergran that you did the right thing contacting her McMillan nurse. My heart goes out to you allflowers.

That was a late night Nannytopsy, can't remember the last time I went to bed that late. Enjoy your morning with a fellow GNer.

cornergran Fri 06-Mar-20 08:37:29

Oh morethan, contacting the McMillan nurse isn't interfering, it’s showing love and understanding. The nurse won’t have been surprised. I am sorry your daughter in laws mother is so angry with your son, easier than accepting that her daughter is so ill but also so hard for her daughter, the husband who loves her and everyone. Please don’t ever worry about sharing with us. You’ve been so strong, let us help by listening. Sending love to you all.

We’re a bit Mother Hubbard here as a food shop is needed so no cake to leave. Will try to do better. I’ll sneak off with one of the flapjacks feeling left yesterday. TOYA, be careful out there everyone.

Nannytopsy Fri 06-Mar-20 08:28:50

Morethan crossed posts. What a situation. That woman must be made to see this is not about her needs but her daughter’s. My heart goes out to your son too.

dragonfly46 Fri 06-Mar-20 08:27:22

Morethan flowers

Nannytopsy Fri 06-Mar-20 08:22:09

GG we came to Southend last night to see Fishermen’s Friends and were amazed at how much water there was everywhere. Great night out but I didn’t realise how far it was when I booked the tickets, so didn’t get to bed until 1.30!
Meeting another GNer this morning so I should get up!

Carillion01 Fri 06-Mar-20 08:21:56

Dear morethan, I think about you and your family every day and pray for you all, especially your dear DiL. 💐💐💐💐

Sark Fri 06-Mar-20 07:03:43

I don't usually post on this thread but just wanted to say hello and to send my best wishes to morethan2
We have recently had a similar experience with my cousin and it is so hard. So many people don't get on with their MiL/DiL so you must be a great comfort for her.
Next time I pop in I will bring a box of my chocolate dipped shortbread!

morethan2 Fri 06-Mar-20 01:09:08

Galen I remember seeing that particular girl etching in Pompeii 20 years ago. I admired it as much as my husband admired their ancient plumbing. He told me on our way back to the hotel that he thought the Italians were peddling backwards in regards to their building techniques. I of course never mentioned the fact that I thought the same as him in regard to Italian men and their physical attributes. Talking of admiring I must say I’m impressed by all the photographs of your handy work. I’m always envious of peoples skills. I’m not good at anything of that nature. Can’t knit, sew or paint. I haven’t an arty bone in my body.
I’m torn between giving news of my DiL because I feel so awful about filling the kitchen with such sadness but on the other hand it somehow helps to write it down. My son and DiL mother are still at loggerheads over her continuing treatment. The oncologist says it time to stop but her mum is insisting on continuing. It’s causing a great deal of argument. Lots of awful things are being said in front of the children. It upsets everyone including my DiL who is torn between her mother and her husband. I’m starting to find it hard to listen to her barrage of hurtful remarks about my son but so far have managed to remain calm and reason with both. I have often taken her side against my son just to ease my DiLs distress and that feels very disloyal but I hope my son understands it’s with the best intentions. I’ve also done something that feels like interference and I hope I haven’t made things worse. I’ve contacted my DiL McMillan nurse and told her about the conflict between them both and the dire problems and unhappiness it’s causing. It’s pretty immaterial now because I’ve been told that my DiL is really too ill to carry on and they will try to convince her mother to let go and accept the situation. I just want my DiL to find some small bit of happiness in the dark bleak world she in. Today as we were talking about the children I took a deep breath and asked if she wanted me to do anything for the children in the future. She answered “please just look after them and tell them how very much I love them and not to forget me” we both cried. We seem to be doing a lot of that lately. She also told me the thing she liked about my husband was the fact that he thought he was funny when he’s mostly not! We laughed. We’ve done a fair bit of that lately too. I want her to live it seems so unfair all this suffering for what..for whatsad sorry kitcheners but thank you. I’m hoping to find a way of getting access to audio books for her tomorrow so she has something to distract her. She said she’d like that. It’s loosing her sight that’s been the most distressing.I hate the thought of her just sitting surrounded by darkness.

Feelingmyage55 Fri 06-Mar-20 00:27:42

I am back again.. have helped daughter move and think I might need some duvet days.
baggs lovely patchwork.. I haven’t done any for ages so I am inspired to get my sewing machine and cutting mat out. Thank you for the nudge.
soop the sight of Ted’s lovely smile is a tonic.
“morethan2” I think of you and your family often and send caring thoughts.
I am not buying extra food because of all the scare stories but I do need toilet rolls and there were none when I went shopping today. I am down to my last half roll. Suggestions welcome (but I do not buy a newspaper any more). I have some ideas but would be amused to hear yours.
Sorry that I cannot mention everyone, just be assured that I am TOYA. Flapjacks and Victoria sponge on the side for tomorrow’s eleven sets.

Galen Thu 05-Mar-20 22:52:34

Watching Question Time
Hasn’t Margaret Becket aged? But then I suppose we all have. ( sigh)

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