Secrets

When I was 14, my aunt and her husband adopted a baby. They told us to tell no one and moved to another part of the country.
My own family didn't believe in 'secrets', saying they could lead to trouble (I was taught only to keep good secrets). I remember my mother talking to my aunt about this, and we then we talked, several times. My mother was very unhappy about keeping this secret, but we agreed that it was not ours to tell.
Had my aunt died first, I think my mother might have broken the secret. But my mother died first, and after my aunts death, I thought quite hard about what to do. However, I was not close to my cousin , unsurprisingly, and decided to let it lie.
He did find out, of course, on going through family papers. I could only say what I had been told for 50 years, that it was not my secret. We are no longer in touch, and I am unsure as to whether I did the right thing. I do know that my aunt , under duress from her husband, did the wrong thing.

I have kept secrets since the seventies, two friends had abortions ( of which I am not in agreement) and stayed with me afterwards. i gave them my word that i would never tell, and I haven't. One friend subsequently married the father of the child. I assume she has told him, but we have lost touch over the years so I do not know.
The other friend split up with her partner a few months after the abortion but never told him. This is the one that bothers me most as he wanted children and I thought he should have been told but it was not my place to do so. The subject has never since been discussed between my friend and I and she has never had a long term partner. It is not always a good idea to share secrets. I am now in my late seventies and still feel guilt over this deception.

I have secrets for sure and I have them for my friend too.
We would never tell a soul.
I even have one from my DIL and would never tell anyone.
Isn`t it lovely these days to have people around us we trust 100%.

Missfoodlove I am so proud of your mother and I didn`t even know her.
What a wonderful lady she must have been.

However in the words of The Beatles

"Listen, do you want to know a secret?
Do you promise not to tell?
Whoa-oh-oh, closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you, ooh"
This kind of secret is my kind of secret

Sorry, I can’t comment. ‘It’s a secret’.!!

Driverann Secrets can be damaging to those who keep them and those who ask you to keep them.
I completely agree with you. It's better to be open and honest rather than keep things hidden. You are right when you say perpetrators like Jimmy Saville use "this is our little secret " and that's how they get away with it for so long.

I’m great at keeping others secrets safe

I think secrets should never be shared. I have been told some that I would have rather not have known. It can change the way you feel about people you know

I always think that if someone tells me something in confidence, it's not my story to tell, it's theirs.

This secret was told to a former work colleague 8 years ago. She was married had two children 18 and 16 and her Fil had passed away 12 months before. One weekend when her family wasn't around her MiL paid her an unannounced visit which she thought strange as she lived 30 miles away and always rang first. It appears when FiL died there had been a write up in the paper as he was a local businessman. A few weeks after his death mil had a knock on door and a young man introduced himself and said he was her grandson. She said he was the image of Fil and her son (colleagues husband). He said 18 years before his mum had had relationship with her son and Fil knew this. His mum had told fil when he was born to pass info on to his son he had not said a word to mil. The lad knew from the paper he had a half brother and sister and wanted contact and left details. She was shocked but said she'd speak to son and take it from there. When confronted had denied all knowledge told his mum to never mention it again. The lad had come back once since and she had to tell him her son denied it. He said his mum had told him he would just as Fil had kept the secret too. He offered to provide DNA if family wanted it but hadn't been back in touch with her since. Work colleague was devastated said she would never tell children they had half brother in case it wasn't true and had no intention of confronting husband but had told us because her mind wasn't on work. She couldn't tell her mum or dad as they were not in good health and didnt need the worry. I'm not sure what I would have done in her situation.

I honestly think you may have your secrets in life but they come out on your death. A good friend of mine died and boy did her secrets come out, it was quite shocking in some ways and caused a lot of upset,

I’m pretty good at keeping secrets, but don’t know any life-shattering ones. I have none of my own that would interest anyone else.
However, my son and DIL told me that their first baby was on the way, but were only telling their parents for the time being. They planned on doing a ‘big reveal’ at a family occasion.
DIL broke her ankle, and had to have an operation to pin it. I told my son what had happened, and blurted out, “She is worried about the anesthetic affecting the baby,” then clapped my hand over my mouth in horror as he said, “What baby?” Luckily he kept the secret until the announcement was made, then I confessed to what I had done. Luckily, they saw the funny side.

I have a terrible secret that I will never and cannot ever tell anyone. It weighs down my heart terribly. I cry to myself about it, but have to just cheer up and go on.

Yes a friend told me something years ago that could cause a lot of trouble in her family. I’ve never told anyone.

Yes. If one of my children knew what the other knows there would be major ructions.

I don't feel burdened by it Nannan, and there is never a chance I would tell.

I have to keep secrets in my line of work. I’m not telling you what that is either! ?

Too many, past and present mostly my own which can’t be told as they affect other people ?

Should I tell my OH (we have only been together a short time) that his brother made a very, very drunken pass at me last year! He is a very unattractive drunk and even when he's sober he makes me feel uncomfortable! He's in another relationship now as, not surprisingly, his marriage broke down!

I have many secrets some dark one sadly true but being adopted they remain with me. I guess because of that constant fear of rejection rather than acceptance. I have had counselling so guess not a total secret and have written a book which seemed therapeutic.

I do, and it concerns a neighbour so I'm staying tight-lipped. I do wish people would not tell me their guilty secrets because now I feel guilty too.

Gagsville yes it is a tricky situation. The fact is that all our older generation have all died. One of my cousins said that the cousin should tell her children the true story but her and her husband are adamant they will never be told any details, I stay right out of it all and have nothing to say within the family setting about any of it, it is something my cousin may take to the grave.

Late MIL had an 'accident' which involved partial loss of sight in one eye - she'd never say how it happened as she said that someone would get into trouble. No matter how gently or who approached the subject she took that secret to the grave.

They say you want to keep a secret you should keep it to yourself.

In my professional life I often knew things about people that I had to keep to myself.

This has influenced my private life, so I have no difficulty keeping secrets if people confide in me.