Secrets

Jillybird. Something similar in our family - except the mother lied on the birth certificate too saying she was a spinster when she was married and the father unknown. She and her husband stayed together. So now wondering if she had an affair or if maybe my relative was her grandchild and she lied about everything!! We have no idea if my relative knew they had 7 older siblings or what they knew. Certainly the relatives who brought my relative up have kept the story quiet too.

I don't envy you that one 3nanny6. The only way this could come out otherwise is if the children ever need a transplant f any sort. Am I wrong?

I kept secret the fact that I had been diagnosed with a bladder tumour.
My son - who had a cancer diagnosis himself at age 24 was planning his wedding and I didn't want to spoil this for him. Also I had not long started to care for his first baby ( our first grandchild). Several months passed before I had the tumour removed & all is well. Three weeks ago I had my post-surgery follow-up appointment to which my son accompanied me. By that stage the family knew I had had a 'cyst removed so when the doctor told us that yes I had had a cancerous tumour removed & that it was low-grade with little chance of recurring, he also old us that I was now cancer-free.
Nobody wants to have to tell their lived ones that they've had a cancer diagnosis but by keeping it to myself it meant that the day they heard that news was also the day they heard I was cancer-free.
It was a secret worth keeping.
I also found it easier to get through the waiting months because nobody else was aware so there were no queries about my health. I was able to concentrate on the wedding plans & enjoying my beautiful grandsons first summer.
My DDIL asked him recently why I had not told even one close friend.
I told her what I firmly believe to be true - if you want to keep a secret tell no-one

Oh thats such a shame Jillybird,your poor mum never knowing all that,if you'd both mentioned it years ago you could have helped her to find them sooner and known the truth,aw thats so sad

How do you know your OH doesnt know this already Bluebird64?especially the books& magazines,its not hard is it? Surely he would see you reading at some point?? Its hardly a crime..He might not know about the cadburys spread though,if you do it in secret my teenage son eats cadburys chocolate spread from the jar if he can get away with it but i dont let him- but at least theres only him likes it thank goodness.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I was born in England but grew up in South Africa. At the age of 20 I was about to set sail to England and would stay in London with a relative, when my father took me aside and told me that my mother's family were all very nice except for one of her brothers. This man was a paedophile and had spent time in prison for that. Despite that he had a job as a caretaker in a school. Nobody from the family ever told the school. They were all keeping a family secret. I met my
uncle. He was obviously very weird.

I just forget what people tell me! Menopausal brain fog I think?

Then dont tell it Missadventure,if it helps no one if you feel burdened by it,write it down,THEN BURN IT! You may feel better then,so just forget it..i always keep secrets,some of my friends had told me secrets,they've taken them to their grave,so i wont be spilling them either.. my AC sometimes tell me stuff about their siblings,and im not even tempted to pass them on..i just pretend its 'news' to me when the sibling gets around to telling me!

I have a couple of secrets of my own which I would never tell although they are long gone in the past. If anyone tells me anything and it is confidential I never tell.

My DH best friend tried it on a couple of times when he was drunk. I will never say a word.

That was for OP

Youre nosy arent you

My late mother came from a large family and she had five sisters. (also some brothers) They all lived in and around London very late 40's. To cut a long story short one of the sisters who was unmarried became pregnant and the baby was given to another sister to bring up. Much later on in life it caused many arguments within the extended family. The child that was given to the other aunt grew up and had her own children. To this day the children of my cousin still believe that the aunt who brought up my cousin is their biological grand-mother when actually she was not. Difficult situation to say the least.

Some that would change lives if I said anything. I learnt early and hard that a secret shared is rarely a secret.

I've only realised in the last couple of years that a couple of people who I considered my very good friends were happily discussing my secrets with others. So I used to be an open book with close friends. Now my secrets are only known to me.

These friends, whom I no longer see, are very lucky that I've never revealed their secrets! I hope they feel a little nervous but their secrets are safe with me.

If they read this on Gransnet I hope they're blushing ?

Secrets can be damaging to those who keep them and those who ask you to keep them. Jimmy Saville was able to carry out years of abuse because of those who kept his “little secrets”. Many crimes have gone unsolved because of those who hold the secrets but don’t tell. They are almost as guilty as the person/s who carried out the crime. If you know of evil deeds tell it and get it off your chest and out of your mind.

Some secrets are heartbreaking and that's why they are secrets! Never betray a secret unless you have the persons permission!

I have quite a few secrets which I will never divulge. Most concern my first husband. The truth would not show him up in good light so I will not tell my sons. I want them to have a good opinion of their late father.

I too have a few secrets from my Nursing days, that l never will tell, all in the name of Patient confidentiality, and one because my employer made me swear an oath with their company solicitor never to tell.
Personally, l do have some, mostly due to family stuff, but one of my own regarding the true reasons behind my choice of final resting place.

I was told a secret by someone who didn't know me well, the idea was, I later realised, that I should tell other people and get it passed on so the original person didn't have to be associated with it. Their bad luck, I don't pass on things if people ask me not to, it'd have to be a matter of others personal safety before I'd tell, and even then I'd be very clear up front that I was intending to do so.

Only the one ...

A secret is not a secret if it’s shared it’s just gossip. When I was training to become a nurse a deputy matron offered to help me with my studies so I would past the exams. It was to be the start of a 5 year lesbian affair. I passed first time, however she had no say in the marking of the papers she just made the studying so much more interesting and enjoyable.

I have no secrets. If anyone tells me anything, it remains embedded.
Although I say it myself, I'm a loyal person and would never divulge anyone else's business.

The trouble is, if unbeknown to you, a person told someone else their secret and it was leaked, suspicion would then rest on you. A secret is a secret and should be kept as such and not even told to a best friend as it's no longer a secret.

I’m pretty good, I’d never betray a confidence.

I know a secret about a close friend, I’ve known for thirty plus years, and haven’t told my husband. If it came out it would cause an enormous amount of trouble.

One of my granddaughters often tells me things about not liking her stepfather and his family, but I’m never to tell mummy, that I struggle with, not sure I’m right to keep quiet, but she has to be able to trust me.