Secrets

Thankyou very much Tillybelle

Yes, and I don't think I will ever be able to tell anyone about them as they are not mine to reveal.

Although I am fairly open about my own life, I would never betray a confidence and so have been told all sorts of things over the years. One ‘friend’ royally stabbed me in the back and despite this I would never dream of disclosing anything they have said. More about my principles than them deserving any loyalty.

I am researching my family tree and have unearthed many, some that involve living relatives of my family. Many of them are not nice and now I am sorry I did it.

Lovely.. glad you're having fun.

Hmm, well, I've got loads of secrets about myself that I will never share. Let me say though, I have had a damn good time in my 61 years on this earth and there is still time to do some more 'secret' stuff to make my life even more FUN.
I also hold secrets for other that I will never share, not mine, to share.

I can keep secrets and not tell anyone because they are not mine to tell. But if I did some of them could cause ructions. With two of them I was not the only holder of the secrets but others were suspicious and would keep asking. But I still never told. I have also been told something about one of my DDs which I would never bring up with her although I wouldnt be surprised if it were true. She just told the wrong person her secret if she did.

Everyone told my mother their secrets and everyone tell me too.
I worked in a psychiatric hospital for many years so not only knew the diagnosis of a patient, but all about their lives too. Sometimes these were people known for many years to my family, but it appeared their lives were nothing like we all believed. Confidentiality was an absolute and whenever I met a patient when I was out it was up to them if they wanted to recognise me.

All these people weighed down with "big secrets" they must take to the grave..

I have found that often they are not secrets at all but rather unspoken taboos.

This has happened to me several times, thinking I was solely responsible for a big secret and wondering if I was right ir wrong to not tell.

In one instance when I told (believed I had to as I thought the secret was doing real harm), everybody knew already! They were just miffed that I brought it up because it was knowm just not spoken about..

Another time I was confided in re a big secret which filled me with guilt. Again agonising over whether I should warn those involved or not...
I didnt need to tell as once again, found out that EVERYONE knew... we just werent supposed to talk about it

In both instances the secret teller implied that I was the only one who knew so I felt that the weight of the information was all on me!

If you've been told "in confidence", others probably have too

In my work as a tutor I heard some truly disturbing family secrets. Confidentiality was something I had to explain to them (in detail) as I had a professional obligation to report some things (if revealed) - so had to forewarn them. I had more than a few nightmares!

I am keeping at least two mega secrets that would ruin two marriages if they were ‘out there’ .... I can always keep a secret and I will take them to my grave! Oooohhh ...just thought....make that three BIG really BIG secrets!

Hello Elle.

Thank you so much for your positive response, my comment were quite brief. It’s my first posting.

Fortunately Mum is still alive, and has her little apartment at the rear of the house. She is going well and is 84 in October.

Drinking was a big party of my life, I found it an easy way to escape my issues from being abused as a 10 yr old. But it’s something I’ve had help with since stopping drinking alcohol. Counselling has given me the confidence to talk about it. Since stopping drinking and especially since the counselling I’ve come on leaps and bounds.

I’m sure my self hatred regarding the chain is my being very remorseful. Especially as my parents had six children, and therefore the cost of the chain was needed elsewhere. I have bought another chain since. But it doesn’t carry the same sentimental value. It wouldn’t actually surprise me if Mum has guessed what I’d done.

Thank you again for your understanding and have a wonderful day and weekend. Love, Barry

I am good at keeping secrets, and I think, I hope, my family and friends know this and that I am completely trustworthy. They don’t, however, know why maybe this is. .....That I have my own very long standing secret.............

There was a secret very similar to yours 3Nanny6 in my family. My mum at age 21, in Ireland, became pregnant under the worst possible circumstances. My mum wasn't in a position to bring the baby up on her own and one of my mum's 9 sisters brought up the baby and eventually adopted her. My mum and aunt vowed that this secret would stay with them forever. However, my aunt, who had 5 children of her own, revealed the secret unbeknown to my mum. I think it had a devastating effect on my mum (my mum was a closed book). My half-sister, whom I had always thought was my cousin, discovered before my mum knew that the secret had been revealed. My half sister had 6 children of her own. Not all of an extremely large Irish family knew the secret and when my half sister and 3 of her daughters attended our mum's funeral it was quite a shocking revelation. It was a very difficult time for my half-sister and I wonder how this has affected her life. It's all very sad tbh. Secrets are dangerous things.

I will always keep a secret entrusted to Me by you, but I do not think I have any personal secrets. I might not tell everyone my life story, but would if asked.

I have been told secrets when I was a young teenager,the position I was put into by a family member was very difficult for me and I have found it a heavy burden.
I also worked in a profession that confidentiality was key .
Other secrets had been told,someone will feel hurt by one and the longer it is kept the more they will feel hurt and angry.
I will not tell, it is not mine to tell.
However if it involved serious harm such as a paedophile I could not be quiet. A paedophile befriended my parents and I remember not feeling comfortable in his company,he tried to get my young brother alone,I didn't trust him so stuck to my brother like glue.
A few months later he was arrested for abusing young boys.

Never Chewbacca!

I mean there would be no chance of any secrets with MJ! Even if he went down on his ancient bended knees and begged.

How disappointing Callistemon! I was ready to be agog with your Mick Jagger secrets!

I was answering MissA who posted on this thread instead of the charisma thread; she said Mick Jagger is on her charismatic list.

It's all getting a bit confusing!!

Callistemon! So what's this secret about you and Mick Jagger? Come on! Spill the beans!

Oh dear, wrong page

Well, I think I'd be keeping Mick Jagger a secret

Tillybelle that is standard practice in a lot of councelling and mental health nursing situations. It was something we were trained to do during mental health nurse training back in the early 1980s and again whilst working for a large Charity lead Mental health Rehab unit just before l retired.
Some Clients would make up situations as a cry for help and to gain extra staff attention, which maybe entirely false, but we always acted in their best intrest at the time even if that ment breaking patient confidentiality.

Riverdance888. You are wonderful! Bless you! You must have helped so many people who knew they could unburden their worries safely to you.

marpau I love what you said, It sums up what I feel, you can't tell others about somebody's secret because it's not mine to tell.

Does anyone, like me, say when someone starts confiding something, if they tell me something I feel I must tell another person in order to safeguard a life or the welfare of somebody then I shall get the appropriate help? I know The Samaritans have their policies, but as a Counsellor I had to make sure nobody came to harm, including if I learned someone was suicidal.

Bazza321. Well done on being tea total for all these years! You are someone your mum must be proud of, even if she has passed on, she will be so proud of you! Giving up the drink when you have that awful addictive illness is very, very tough indeed.

I think you need to stop beating yourself up about the your mum's present on your 21st. I know I'm not one who practises what I preach, mind you, as every day some little thing I did wrong years ago will come back to bother me! I know the gold chain isn't a little thing obviously, but I am sure, now all these years later, you have done enough of feeling sorry about it to deserve to let it go. As far as you can... I understand why you sold it! I'm a mum of fairly old daughters. I'd forgive them. You're only human, love. It's not your fault you got addicted to alcohol so quickly, so young. You must have a disposition/metabolism or something that makes alcohol do this to you more easily than most to have become addicted to that extent when you were so young. Please start lightening up on yourself and start telling yourself that you have achieved a fantastic thing in giving the ** stuff up!! Be proud of yourself for once! Anyway, not buying alcohol saves a lot of money (I don't drink either) so maybe you can put a bit by each month and get another necklace and do it in honour of your mum? Take care, lots of love, Elle.