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Happy mum Happy baby

(128 Posts)
Newatthis Sun 16-Feb-20 18:55:21

We all know that if a child's childhood is spent in idyllic circumstances with a happy mum then it is more than likely to turn out OK - or is it? It's all well and good Kate regaling how she was inspired by her granny whom it would seem baked, did arts and crafts etc etc etc and that she felt anxious as a new mum bringing George back from the hospital - really Kate? Did you have to immediately get on with washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, night-time feeds etc etc. whilst in a state of constant exhaustion with no help from anyone. What about all the mums (and dads) living on very low income, perhaps in an abusive relationships, living in a high rise block of flats when the lift doesn't work etc etc etc. She has no idea what it's like to stay happy under the adverse conditions that sometimes motherhood brings. I wish she would stop trying to 'pretend' to understand - she's never had to go without anything, neither before she was married or since and with an army of help, she never will.

MawB Mon 17-Feb-20 13:32:31

How on earth did that word happen?
My iPad has clearly flipped.
I meant to type(and indeed thought I had typed )
“Grounding”
???????????

Anniebach Mon 17-Feb-20 13:30:26

What could they do in two years trisher ?

Centre Point started in 1969, why don’t you criticise those
involved because there are still young homeless

I hope we never see Kate doing ‘a Corbyn’, hugging and saying ‘i feel your pain’.

The royal family do not get publicly involved in politics.

sarahellenwhitney Mon 17-Feb-20 13:29:10

Anniebach
The queen has never given an interview.
Was she asked /invited ?Will we ever know ?

MawB Mon 17-Feb-20 13:25:12

^Did our queen with her four pregnancies even Princess Anne with her two make public what they may have suffered with their pregnancies.?
What is so special about the Duchess of Cambridge that the world needs to know???^

70 year ago women did not make the details of their pregnancies public. The language of the day was much more circumspect and it was not considered a subject for conversation. Barely more than a toddler, PC shook hands with his parents when he waved them off on their world tour. Childcare was left to nannies and the world was very different.
I imagine many women did not believe that HM had anything like a labour as you didn’t talk about it.
Kate Cambridge did not go into graphic detail about her pregnancies or labour, but she was asked about it and like many young women of her generation found hypnobirthing helpful. If one single mum out there finds that what she says resonates with her or is inspired to take their baby out to a park or let them get muddy, I woukd regard that as a success.
On the one hand the royals are seen as distant, snobby, aristocratic or whatever, but Kate Cambridge comes from a middle class background and IMO has brought a much needed sense of “Brobdingnagian” to the RF.

merlotgran Mon 17-Feb-20 13:19:00

What is so special about the Duchess of Cambridge that the world needs to know???

It's called empathy, shw.

Just as when she mentioned in an earlier interview that she felt lonely and isolated when living in Anglesey with a new born. I certainly remember how that felt.

trisher, I agree with the second part of your last paragraph. Kate's approach seems to be more softly softly than 'hitting the ground running.' She is involved with the RHS and as they focus on inspirational projects I'm hoping to see and hear more from her on the benefits of nature to well being. Programmes like Gardeners World now regularly feature items about horticulture for children, outdoor spaces and education etc., etc.

l'm a bit sick of the phrase 'raising awareness' but I suppose that's what Kate is doing. I think they are both sincere where mental well being is concerned.

trisher Mon 17-Feb-20 13:17:10

GrannyLaine I just looked that up. Its been going for 2 years and hasn't yet done anything, just surveys and reports. Do you think they realise that the children who were early years when they announced this are now starting school and past any early intervention?

Oopsminty Mon 17-Feb-20 13:13:06

So I think one privileged entitled woman could at least spend a little time contemplating others lives and then say something, if not do something, to stop the rot which is damaging children's lives.

She is doing

You need to do a spot of research before commenting

GrannyLaine Mon 17-Feb-20 13:10:00

@trisher
"Perhaps she could start her own charity, if it's so important, to bring inner city children out to open spaces"

Are you not aware of the Early Years Initiative the Duchess is involved in as part of the Royal Foundation? Its much bigger than just open spaces...

sarahellenwhitney Mon 17-Feb-20 13:07:09

Mokryna
I do not believe, as you, anyone would want to wish the Duchess of Cambridge any ill but hmmdo we really want to know every detail of how she suffered what millions of other women world wide are suffering but have to' get up and get on with it 'unlike the duchess.??

trisher Mon 17-Feb-20 13:04:27

eazybee it isn't patronising to realise that our green spaces and inner city parks have been drastically reduced and under funded so that many of them are now badly maintained or even sold off. Even the Victorians recognised the importance of those breathing spaces. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jul/09/the-end-of-park-life-as-we-know-it-the-battle-for-britains-green-spaces-rowan-moore
As for what is happening on inner city estates. I watched, during my long career, working class children change from athletic, physically active children, who could skip and cartwheel better than their middle class contemporaries, because they played out in the street, into children who were even more disadvantaged and who were kept indoors for their own safety. So yes I know how things used to be and I know they are getting worse. And it is not "patronising' to care about the poorest and weakest in society. It's called a social conscience and it was something most people had when I grew up. So I think one privileged entitled woman could at least spend a little time contemplating others lives and then say something, if not do something, to stop the rot which is damaging children's lives.

Anniebach Mon 17-Feb-20 13:00:44

She was asked about her pregnancy sickness , the Queen has never given an interview.

The Queen has often been criticised on this forum for not
publicly hugging her son 66 years ago. Now Kate talks about
her children and is criticised.

Anniebach Mon 17-Feb-20 12:57:00

Must we all not speak of taking children for a walk, to a park,
planting bulbs in pots for indoors, making biscuits with children, because of those in the inner cities ? Do council estate houses not have gardens now ? There is more
to the UK than inner cities, all children matter .

sarahellenwhitney Mon 17-Feb-20 12:53:06

Did our queen with her four pregnancies even Princess Anne with her two make public what they may have suffered with their pregnancies.?
What is so special about the Duchess of Cambridge that the world needs to know???

eazybee Mon 17-Feb-20 12:45:18

How immensely patronising are these posts about all The Poor People who apparently are incapable of taking their children outside, doing any form of activity or play with them and are simply loaded with guilt because someone points out the benefits of outside play to them.

I worked on rundown inner city estates in London and the Midlands and have never forgotten the impressive parents who lived in challenging conditions, who didn't complain about their lot but did exactly what The Duchess of Cambridge is advocating, without all the sneering and jibing that is evident on here.
And for much of my career I was a divorced working mother but managed to do the same myself.

MawB Mon 17-Feb-20 12:35:46

you obviously don't live anywhere like an inner city estate
And you do, trisher ?
My DGCs in Walthamstow would certainly not be able to “play out” as in the “good old days” even if they were old enough, but DD stops off at the playground which she passes when she walks DGS (3) home (on his scooter) from nursery on Blackhorse Rd for a good 30 minutes play and many of his little buddies from nursery are there at the same time.
Yes, she could go straight home and plonk him in front if a tablet, she will have been working all day too and will probably work late into the evening, but the extra fresh air helps him to unwind, socialise with his little friends, and ultimately have a better night’s sleep. Win, win.
The other mums there are far from being “yummy mummies”, E17 is a very mixed area.
This inverted snobbery of denying a voice to anybody who is not living in grinding poverty does nobody any favours.

mokryna Mon 17-Feb-20 12:26:40

Although I never had what Kate has had, I don't wish her ill. She is, I think, doing a good job.

3nanny6 Mon 17-Feb-20 12:19:08

Do not follow too much about what the Royals are doing but I
did like hearing Kate talk about how precious her time she spent with her Granny was to her. I liked the pictures of her three children enjoying some outside time as well.
Before any one starts having a go about actually having some outside place to go I will say that no matter where you live you will be able to find some sort of park or green space no matter how small so get your children out to it and give their health a boost.

I think I am noticing how very thin Kate is looking, there is a difference between looking wonderful and slim and painfully thin. After three children I would applaud her figure but she does look as if she needs to eat a bit more.

trisher Mon 17-Feb-20 12:08:15

M0nica you obviously don't live anywhere like an inner city estate. The days when working class kids were permitted to play out are long gone. Now they are usually kept inside because no one is sure who is living in the next street, drug dealers, crack houses etc.
MaizieD the usual condemnation of mothers who resort to CBeebies etc. Of course it's not right but not all mums have a nanny to play with their kids while they try to fit the housework in after they come home from a day's work.
What do I think she should say? Well it would be nice if she just said in passing that she recognised how difficult it is now for children to play outside and how valuable our parks and green spaces are. Perhaps she could mention Forest Schools and the excellent work they do. Perhaps she could start her own charity, if it's so important, to bring inner city children out to open spaces. Perhaps she could just say she realises how difficult it is for some mums (Oh No she couldn't because that's beyond her imagination)

M0nica Mon 17-Feb-20 11:34:26

Oh for heaven's sake. Lets all sit in a corner and wail and complain and feel guilty because we once forgot to wipe a child's nose.

I really do think we overdo the wallowing in guilt because we cannot be the perfect mother and do absolutely everything everyone says we should do with our children. I doubt many mothers will beat themselves up because their child cannot smell a bluebell, or at least only comfortably off town dwellers who cannot be bothered to give their children that experience and just enjoy wallowing in guilt.

Poorer parents have better things to worry about like poor housin, feeding and clothing their children, finding work and juggling work and childcare when they cannot afford to pay for it. Bluebells, what are bluebells?

Think of all the things underprivileged children can do that royal children can't: Play in the street, walk to school with friends, nip down to the corner shop for an ice cream, run errands for their mother, wander off and explore, look in shop windows,throw a tantrem in a public place, do something they shouldn't, without it being front page in the tabloids. Remember Prince Charles sneaky cherry brandy in a pub when he was 17?

Oh, but I forget they have money so they do not count! Doesn't it feel good when you can live in comfort, patronise the poor and despise those who cannot be patronised.

MawB Mon 17-Feb-20 11:27:02

So are you saying trisher that as a mother of three, she should not express an opinion?
Our mothers’ generation believed in taking children outside every day regardless of the weather, so it is hardly new. Would you prefer her to say she plonks her three in front of CBeebies all afternoon?
Everybody from health professionals down says how too much screen time or having the tv playing non-stop is damaging for little children. A paediatrician I heard on the radio recently said how speech development can be set back by a measurable amount because under twos cannot separate out background speech (tv) and real human interaction.
If Kate had parents and a granny who spent time with their family, there cannot be a single gran on GN who thinks that a bad thing.
But because of her “privileged” position, you seem to be denying her the right to an opinion.

trisher Mon 17-Feb-20 11:11:39

It's also about not acknowledging how lucky you are and trying to say what should happen to children without helping. So she says children need to be outside and how much it benefits them. And that really adds another layer of guilt to a mother trying to cope alone, with nowhere for her child to play. Now she's thinking "My kid hasn't smelt a bluebell. I've failed again."

Callistemon Mon 17-Feb-20 10:31:02

gillybob I only learn about their 'movements' through GN!
grin

Oh, and reading Hello when I go to the hairdressers

Anniebach Mon 17-Feb-20 09:17:06

gillybob. I worked as ‘a scivvie’ , as you choose to call some
in honest employment.

gillybob Mon 17-Feb-20 09:10:07

Oh dear .....I wrote a reply and it has disappeared .

Never mind. I am sorry if I offend those who hang on the royals every word and movement .

It’s nothing at all do do with money or living in a gutter M0nica but more to do with making other young mothers (the ones without the scivvies ) feel wholly inadequate .

Not sure what profession we are in, university, divorce or remarrying has to do with this conversation Anniebach but yes we are all different.

Anniebach Mon 17-Feb-20 09:04:22

Again, what is ‘normal life ‘ ?