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Exam stress!

(14 Posts)
Mirren Sun 16-Feb-20 19:36:59

Hi there ,
Just wondering if anyone has AC who are still studying?
My DD has just sat the final part of professional exams ... she is 30 .
Exam stress has always been an issue. Pre and post exams require lots of support from Mum . This has never stopped .
She gets unbearably anxious but then always passes with flying colours .
This exam may be a first failure as the pass rate is low and it is not unusual to fail .
She feels she did badly and is , as usual , passing all her angst on to me.
I love her so much and dont want her to stop if it helps .
The problem is that I feel terrible too . I know there is nothing I can do about it . I cant sit her exams or change a thing . I also know pointing out her track record to her wont make her feel better.
We just have to sit through these awful days ( again ) until results are out . Praying that she doesnt fail and have to repeat .
Does anyone else have AC who still do this ?

phoenix Sun 16-Feb-20 19:43:33

There is nothing you can do about it, the exam is done and gone.

Feelingmyage55 Sun 16-Feb-20 19:57:16

Yes .. I nearly posted about this on several occasions but held back as I thought I was alone. I struggle to find the right words of encouragement and often wonder why my AC keeps putting herself through this. I can only assume that the sense of achievement outweighs the agony and angst. My AC continues to be evaluated professionally and sit exams - this week has been another tough one. We are not alone. 💐 for us 😁

Mirren Sun 16-Feb-20 21:22:01

Thank you " Feelingmyage " . I am glad I am not alone.
Once I could pass my own worry on to my own Mum . She didn't really understand exams , never having sat any major ones . That meant she could listen to my worries without taking them on . She was always supremely confident of success !
She died 18 months ago . I am now where the buck stops 😥
If your AC has been having exams this week I suspect they might be the same as mine.
I wish your child ( for that's what they forever are , aren't they ?) and mine , all the luck in the world. Here's to success.... and , hopefully , the end of a very long road xxxx

M0nica Sun 16-Feb-20 21:44:40

We have just survived DD's seven years of study for an OU degree. She is always rational and reasonable when she really knows she hasn't done well in an exam, but otherwise she works herself up into a real stew. My reaction is just to make soothing noises for a while and then change the subject. Worrying with her will only make the situation worse.

But all that study was worthwhile. Even before she had finished her degree she was snapped up for the first job she applied for using her new qualifications. She went from job application to job offer in a week.

Eglantine21 Sun 16-Feb-20 22:56:34

Well, as someone who still has exam nightmares nearly 60 years later, I can’t really offer any comfort except to say it just how some of us are.

We learn to live with it 🙂

SueDonim Sun 16-Feb-20 23:03:40

I’ve had children at university since 1993 and the youngest is currently doing medicine so there are a lot of exams. I’ve a,ways had the attitude that they try their best and once the exam is over, what will be, will be. It’s rare that an failed exam will mean the end of anyone’s dreams, although in medicine you only get three shots at finals.

M0nica Mon 17-Feb-20 08:54:59

What always puzzles me, is that more people do not have a better feel for how well they have done in an exam. In a long career of exam taking, I always know pretty accurately how well I have done, whether for good or ill. Yes, occasionally I get it wrong. But usually I come out of an exam cautiously optimistic or starting to think about resits and when the results come out,get the results I expect. So while obviously being a little bit tense between exam and results, I do not do as DD does and work herself up into a state where she is convinced she has done so badly, all her previous exams will be rescinded and then when the results come out, gets either a 2:1 or !st.

Mirren Mon 17-Feb-20 11:07:46

I agree , M0nica , that I am surprised she always thinks she's done when, in fact , the opposite is true . She has achieved top results most of the time.
I'm afraid I was much the same though. Never any accurate perception of how well I'd done ....which is why I get so upset and irrational about DD , I guess . Like 2 peas in a pod !! Like Eglantine I STILL have stress dreams about my own A levels and degree exams and I'm 60 !
These are medical exams , Suedonim , though I'm glad to say we are well past university final stage and these are the final post grad exams . They get harder to pass with each stage and applicants do fail at this stage, even very competent ones & often for unexpected reasons .
They can be resat , a number of times , but it costs a lot of money ( £1300) each time and I don't look forward to the emotional strain all over again !
Wishing all of you going through this thr best of luck . Fingers crossed xxx

Framilode Mon 17-Feb-20 11:14:28

I felt the same from A levels onwards for my daughter. She was always very anxious and I always expected the worst. She did well in all her exams and subsequently in her professional career. I now wish I had had more confidence in her and not worried so much.

Mirren Mon 17-Feb-20 12:05:11

I think their anxiety is so genuine that it convinces us , Framilode , especially if you have similar anxiety tendencies .
The odd thing is , I know, DD can do it . She has been very successful this far . I just wish we could stop ourselves getting in such a state !

SueDonim Mon 17-Feb-20 12:27:10

The medical professional exams are indeed expensive, Mirren. Dd has all that coming up.

I do think nowadays that some exams are deliberately set to make it harder to know how you’ve done.

In general terms, I’ve said to my DC that schools and universities don’t want them to fail exams - it doesn’t look good on their results to have failing pupils/students.

Mirren Mon 17-Feb-20 12:54:26

That's exactly what we tell them , SueDonim .
Unfortunately, DH , who is himself a " survivor " of Post grad medical exams is of the belief that , before graduation they're trying to pass you ; after graduation, they're trying to fail you !
Guess that is partially true because doctors must be safe and competent but I sometimes wish he wouldn't keep saying it 😂😂😂

SueDonim Mon 17-Feb-20 13:31:18

Ever helpful, Mirren! grin