Do we mollycoddle our children today?

OldHag
and GrannySomerset your mother's coat!!

Both lots of my DGC have to do household tasks for their pocket money, not strenuous or that time consuming but helpful chores.

Much enjoyed these reminiscences. My widowed mother had no choice but to work, so I was a latchkey child from the age of 5. Various near disasters such as breaking a Tizer bottle because I couldn’t get the top off, with resulting glass shard in my lip and much blood, giving my mother’s only winter coat to the rag and bone man in exchange for a goldfish (which died - of shame, probably), losing said key and having to sit on the step until my poor mother got home from work; all character building in the long run, and certainly by the age of 10 I did my own ironing and most of the shopping. I still shudder at the memory of lighting the fire (the only form of winter heating) and holding a sheet of newspaper up to encourage it to blaze.

Oh, Oldhag that had me crying laughing at your antics - pushed you off the garage roof! Kids are cruel aren't they, especially siblings! It is a wonder you survived. Apparently my eldest son nearly did away with my youngest son on a number of occasions, all unbeknown to me until recently, the little s*d!

Oh the things we got up to - my sister and I managed to climb up onto the garage roof, we started arguing, which resulted in her pushing me off the roof into a bed of stinging nettles!!! She then bathed me in vinegar. We were playing chase in the house one day and she shut the door against my head making quite a cut, which she then rubbed butter into??? Another time we played cards for buttons, there was a set that was our favourite with little teddies on, and as she was the biggest she always seemed to get the teddies, so one day I grabbed one and put it in my mouth, she shook me, and I promptly swallowed it, but it got stuck, so she forced me to eat chunks of bread in an attempt to make the button go down, which it eventually did. But I think the worst thing was when we were due to meet my mother who was pea picking in a field up the track from where we lived, I went to the drawer to get my gloves out, and threw up!! I called my sister, who said 'don't worry, I'll clean it up'. She went and got a bowl of water, took one look at what she had to do, dropped the bowl of water, and promptly threw up herself!! That time we had to go and fetch Mum to rescue us, but most of the other things she didn't get to hear about until we were grown up, lol. I think that being left to take care of ourselves didn't do us any harm at all, although probably more by luck than judgement!

However, I do think kids today are mollycoddled, and so many are never taught about how to handle money, hence it's no wonder that a lot end up in debt as they get older. We were given chores from the age of 4, and paid pocket money accordingly. Once the money was spent, that was it. This taught me a valuable lesson, as we went on a rare holiday when I was 7, the first day I put ALL of my money into the slot machines in a penny arcade, but my Mum said 'well you've spent your money, that's your lot', and stuck to it. I was bought the odd ice cream, but had to watch my older sisters spend their money throughout the week. This taught me two lessons - Do NOT gamble, because you'll lose every penny you have, and budget for the week, ie. divide what you have into so much each day, if you have some left, you can either save it, or spend it the following day, but never borrow from the days yet to come!

My grandkids have never been made to do chores, and have pretty much been given everything they've ever asked for. I remember the first one who at 4 years old was given a TV for her bedroom, I pointed out to her parents that given a TV at 4, what would they have to give her by the time she was 10 or 15?? Now their parents wonder where they went wrong!!

GCs staying just now and it struck me that even homes are now made to make sure children are always supervised, just think of the big kitchen/diner/sitting room. When I was cooking in the kitchen yesterday DGCs were playing in the sitting room. I could hear them and popped in to check every few minutes but it struck me that this is where independance begins and nowadays it sometimes doesn't.

When I was 6 and my sister was 8 onwards, our parents would go out for a drink on Saturday night and leave us on our own.

I was terrified and was convinced they wouldn’t come home and would spend the whole time checking whether they had taken clothes and whether the suit cases were under the bed.

All kinds of things happened including hot coals jumping out of the fire, which we had to rescue with a pair of tongs. It only stopped when I was so terrified I went over the road in my nightie to tell the elderly neighbour I was scared.
He came to sit with us, and knowing my dad,he tried to leave through the back door when he heard my parents come back.
Dad heard him though, and was furious with me, not Billy.
They still didn’t twig a baby sitter might be a good idea. Billy would have done it. Bless him, he must have been in his eighties.

I’ve always been friendly with the family next door so their children can come here and be safe. I baby sat for them and they have frequently come here when they get locked out.

I gave my own children freedom but not neglect.

You can't really compare our childhoods with todays childhood. I can assure you I have neighbours I don't trust and keep very much at arms length. People today are much more entitled and at times, downright aggressive. There are also a damn sight more 'weirdos' around now than when I was a child. Where I grew up has changed immensely, so have people and we are living in far different times. I don't trust anyone, but due to certain experiences in my life- never have. Those who came out of your childhood innocent and relatively unscathed, you are the fortunate ones. Not everyone did.

When I was 9 I went over on my foot at school. Next lesson was dancing..teacher told me to join in..I was in agony. Had to hop all way home from school. My mum looked at it when she arrived home from work and thought I’d just sprained it. Next day it still hurt..mum went to work but came home after an hour as she was worried (I was an only child). My dad was a rep and was away working so next door neighbour took me to hospital on his motorbike and sidecar and mum followed on bus. After an x-ray I’d fractured my foot and had to have a caste on!

rermember when i was ill and mum said i got to go to the market for vegetables .stay in bed till i get back.you always done as your parents said.....market was 10 mins walk away ,as it happens as most women do they stop and chatter ,2 hours later she's back.no harm done ,i;m still in bed .reading ..in a way mobile phones are good for keeping in contact. but i dont believe in 24/7 internet.

Same for me, went to school on the bus from hulme to Stretford at age 6. I had lots of "uncles" on the bus who gave me a sweet! Every generation thinks that the present one is molly coddled, there are different pressures and dangers for each generation.

Absolutely whilst obviously every precaution must be made to protect them at the end of the day they have to grow up and become functioning members of society. Looking at some of them today heaven help us.

One morning I wasn't there and mum panicked. I had got to school,safely (along with little friend Susan) but then had an accident in school and cut my head open; a teacher had to take me to hospital to be stitched up.
So there was more danger in school than out.

Really enjoyed reading these posts.

After Mum had waved me off to infant school, making sure I held little friend Susan's hand, she must have scooted round getting herself ready for work. She always walked past school and I was supposed to look through the cloakroom window and wave as she went past. I realise now she was making sure we got there safely.

We weren't neglected at all, we just had lots more freedom.

Merryweather I was born immediately after VE day, both of my parents worked, Dad, like most at that time five and a half day week , Mum worked 8am until 4pm from the time that I was 7 and my younger sister started school aged 5. You may believe that we were neglected, we were not. The time dad did not work he spent with mum and us kids.

If anything there was relatively more sexual abuse of kids in those days than there is today and much more abuse of wives. We kids were warned about men with strange and dangerous behaviour and we all avoided them like the plague.

The press has been responsible for much distortion in the whole issue of abuse. In the past it was simply considered to be "family matters," I know because I had friends who suffered and in the late 60s and 70s I was involved in helping such victims and could not get the police to act. Don't forget that was also the days of the legal Paedophile Information Exchange, fighting to enhance and increase the activities of its members.

The result of all of the mollycoddling of children is to disable them from recognising risks of all types and enable them to develop into inept adults.

I refused to let my mum to take me to school. She told me years later that she’d followed me for a while but then decided I was ok.

I also visited the dentist on my own from 11 onwards ( my parents were both terrified of the dentist!)

From 9 I was allowed to take my younger brother & sister to the Saturday morning pictures which was a bus ride away.

I met my cousins over the local park and we all went home when we were hungry. No phones so couldn’t get in touch even if we were in trouble!
We also knocked on doors if we were thirsty to ask for a drink of water ?

Some of us still live in three tier school areas and put our children on the bus age 8! Mine certainly haven't been helicoptered

I can remember my mother shouting after me as I ran outside to play
in the street with my pals around age 8,Make sure you get back in before it gets dark! I would be gone for hours.Oh the fun we had.

I was nearly five years older than my brother and this apparently qualified me to be his substitute Mum. By the time I was eight I was expected to take him out to play with me and boy did I resent it. In the holidays we got bread and cheese and instructions not to come home until tea time, so that meant me minding him all day, every day. I well remember charging around with the village children whilst baby brother sat and cried because we wouldnt wait for him, and sitting up tall trees whilst he was stuck at the bottom wailing. I feel guilty thinking about it now, but I got terrible stick from my peers for always spoiling our games with a baby brother in tow. Even more annoying, when he messed up his clothes or cut his hand, or fell in a stream it was always my fault and I would get a smack, a lecture and sent to bed with no tea, but not little brother. Then when brother was six I nearly drowned him by leading him across a fast flowing slippery mill race when neither of us could swim. Luckily when he fell in a passing dog walker threw him the end of the dog lead and pulled him to the river bank. He went straight home and told on me and I was gated and had no pocket money for a month. I dont know if all of this was character building, but thankfully and perhaps surprisingly, as adults brother and I get on quite well.

And it is the unrevised version with typos, hope you can translate it.

What's going on? I typed this out, tried to post but it wouldn't post.
So I logged out and back in and there it is!!
confused ]

Merryweather there is a world of difference between neglect where children suffer and benign neglect.
Noone has said they were frightened of their oarentsmmwhy younshould surmise that indon't know.

You sound like a young mother, not a grandmother so there is quite a difference between life now and life in the 1950s.

Callistemon I had one smack when I was two and I remember it well ,My lovely dad was so upset that he had smacked me he sat on the bed with me and cried.One of the aforementioned aunts had made me repeat the "f" word that my older sister told me to say at the dinner table .Older sis learned it at school .Swearing was a definite no no in our house so Dad smacked me for it,
I have to say my mother was angrier at my aunt for egging me on than me for saying it .I haven't ever used bad language since and no one swears in my home because they know my feelings about it.Now thats a whole different thread ..does smacking work? It did in that case .
I am and always have been very independent and confident about what I'm doing so being restricted didn't seem to affect me.Left school at 15,married at 21 ,had my own business at 22

I was sent to Nursery school on a bus at the age of 3. I was put on the bus by my Grandfather and met at the other end by a teacher at the school. I didn't live with my mother until I was 7 and that was because she was expecting my brother. I was kept at home to look after him, while my mother did other things (she may have been working - I really don't know) This lasted until the School inspector came round - and then I had to go back to my Grandparents care. By this time I was expected to walk to school and home again at the end of the day (I had school dinners). My Grandmother found me work to do, if I wasn't "usefully occupied". I could read, knit or crochet, or play out provided grandma knew where I was and with whom. Tasks involved being sent to run errands for elderly neighbours, picking fruit from the garden (in season), feeding the hens (when we kept them) laying the fire, washing up, sweeping or shaking the (small) rugs or tidying generally. My grandparents were quite strict and sadly, my mother wasn't really interested. I did learn to be very independent, which I think was a good thing. I washed and ironed my own clothes from the age of 12 - but never became the great cook my Grandma was!