I have become invisible

I'm 73 (just last week) but I'm certainly not an old biddy. A few years ago I was in Laura Ashley and saw a nice jacket. I took it to the till where two 'assistants' were discussing what looked like a stock list. I should say we were no more than two feet apart, if that, directly facing. They didn't look up. I waited, possibly for a full minute. They still didn't look up. That was long enough to be ignored. I left the jacket on the counter and walked away. Their rudeness lost them a sale. I haven't shopped there since.

At 79 I still just remain me, Annoying that I cant run any more but still expect to do what I want to , so long as it doesnt make problems for others. I am scrupulous about waiting my turn in a queue but do not expect to miss my turn. I remember being told off by my mother when sent to the shop for something, about how long I had been , and lots of adults used to speak over my head and get served before me, and I was determined not to do that myself. I am sometimes surprised by the attitude of others, for example, I have always loved the fairs and the dodgers and the merry go rounds and gallopers. When the last fair came I had a great time going on the waltzer and got off and held onto a pole as I was slightly dizzy, only to have two different people ask if I needed an ambulance, just because I was stood there. I appreciated their kind enquiry as it might have been needed but explained I was just having a breather before going back on!! You should have seen their faces! Still enjoy driving and now my back is not good , need to use the car more but still get out and about and have no plans on stopping as long as I can manage. Dont forget you are a winner already, as you have had enough sense to still be here breathing and living your life. Carry on and enjoy everything you can!

pascal30

Grandmafrench

It's often quite hard not to feel invisible when out and about. It often seems - especially in the south of England - that there is no time for anything now , not even a greeting and a smile. Not important any more. So, after many years of living abroad (where older people do count!) I am tempted to behave a little disgracefully now and then. In England I respond and greet people and make eye contact, I never "grunt" and I always smile. It never worries me that a lot of stressed people might think "nutter". Some day we will all be old and if a very old person speaks to me I NEVER walk past and ignore them : what if mine is the only conversation that person has during the whole day? I will speak to the older cashiers in Tesco who question as to why I am buying so many boxes of Earl Grey Tea and then how do I like living in the sunshine. I don't care if her chatting to me holds up the queue - every single person needs human contact sometimes, we are not robots! Probably heading towards the 'purple coat and red hat' age now, so I don't care, but I welcome a conversation with anyone however young, however old, however short of time I am. We all deserve that. No little child will get a sour-faced response from me when they ask my name or my age and embarrass their Mum. I'm happy to entertain small kids in the Building Society queue whilst their Mothers play with their 'phones....oblivious. Invisibles can strike back! We all need to slow down and start caring and not make anyone feel invisible, ever. Do one small kind thing every day and see how are lives are enriched by that.

I absolutely love your post.. there is in fact a Buddhist practise of speaking to someone and really seeing them, each day..

Hear, hear, me too GrandmaFrench! 👏
I didn’t realise you popped over here occasionally. 😁

Sadly No one ever thanked me for replying to their problems. not one personally , just a "thanks all" a couple of times only.

If you show you are interested in people they generally respond, whatever their age. Giving a compliment or asking a question helps. I too am 70 but I enjoy the little interactions that can be fitted in the day. I was standing waiting for a loo & there was a young girl obviously practicing dance moves so I asked her if she was practicing for a show - she was happy to speak to me. It probably meant more to me than her but it was still enjoyable.

crazyH

whywhywhy - you are not invisible, I took notice of your username, and wondered why 😂

And didn’t the jumper you’d knitted for your husband (you started a thread on it - excuse the pun, with a photo) generate many replies?

IIRC you suffer with depression. Maybe that affects your thought processes.

Greciangirl

If you think seventy is old and being ignored.
Just wait until you hit the eighty mark.

I sometimes feel invisible until I look in shop mirrors.
Frightening, or what!?

I hit the 80 mark quite some time ago, but it hasn't caused me to feel invisible. I lived in a small town in the South East of England.
When walking to the shops I'm greeted or greet people with a smile and an exchange of greeting.
Narrow shuts and passages join some side streets to the town Square. I frequently come across groups of young people in there. They usually stand aside for me to pass through.
I always smile, look at one of them and say thank you. The response varies from 'cool' to 'you're welcome'.
The young people, male and female are never embarrassed by being acknowledged. Quite the opposite. They seem genuinely pleased to be spoken to.
In our local supermarkets I often find I'm chatting to a friend or sometimes more than one friend. I make every effort to to be friendly with whoever serves me and as I leave, acknowledge the security man by the exit.
No, I don't feel invisible. Nor do I think, as a Northerner, that people in the South of England are stand offish, as some people seem to think.

I just love being invisible/ignored. It's amazing what you can get away with!!😆😆

Those who want to ignore me, fine. I don't want to know people like that. Fortunately, most people respond to a sunny smile (whatever age) and they are the folk that are worth getting to know. Do remember your worth, Sparkling. We're all worth something, even the ignorers.

I’m really intrigued why whywhywhy and others feel invisible on this site. I acknowledge some threads are easier than others to get involved with such as my own fave, Hips and Knees, when so many of the posts are specific questions and shared experiences. Other, more general ones such as this are more tricky as more people will post & the topic is spread more thinly. If I venture on to other forums, I very often get “ignored”, but I’m just interested in the topic under discussion and just add my two penn’orth ….

If you think seventy is old and being ignored.
Just wait until you hit the eighty mark.

I sometimes feel invisible until I look in shop mirrors.
Frightening, or what!?

Me too ! CrazyH 😂

whywhywhy - you are not invisible, I took notice of your username, and wondered why 😂

How much is reality and how much perception? It cannot feel good to feel invisible and I hope anyone who does feel like that, finds a way to feel ok as the go about their lives. You are as important and meaningful as everyone else.......

I do feel invisible to my AC generation, when they're together. I'm just a server of food and drink.
The GC by contrast, both at university, seem to actually want to talk with me.

I'm in my late 70s and in my village, quite a large one, everybody speaks to each other, old and young, I've never felt invisible since I've been here,

I don't feel invisible, especially if I smile and offer a bit of friendly chit-chat. However, I do feel that younger people are less inclined to think I might just have experience that's worth finding out about - but then, maybe that's how I was at their age and, in any case, they have experience of modern stuff that I need help getting to grips with! It's all swings and roundabouts.

I remember a scary group of teenage boys walking to me on the street and feeling slightly vulnerable.
As we got closer, they smiled, said ‘bonsoir’, and walked on.
And there was me thinking I was going to be mugged at the very least.
Small French village. It might be different in a big town.

Momac55

Kandinsky that’s not a very nice thing to say

I doubt Kandinsky is bothered by something she posted 5 years ago

Feeling invisible is an alien concept to me.
I’m so full of my own importance that it’s never crossed my mind 😂

Kandinsky that’s not a very nice thing to say

My problem with invisibilty began, not at a certain age, but when I was widowed - people don't know what to say to the bereaved, so they ignore us.

Whatever the cause, I think the solution is the same:

Greet people you pass in the street.
If someone bumps into you, say "ouch", "excuse me!" or "it's not manners to push"

In other words: don't just put up with it, be active and prevent invisibility!

Unless they want something - pay off the mortgage, be available for something or other when all other options fail, I seem to be invisible to my family!! There are only 3 generations of us!! I live alone but never really feel lonely, enjoy my animals and beautiful countryside around me!!

Nothing more embarrassing for a teen than an older person saying hello. You can see the conflict. Don’t want to be rude but it’s not cool is it. Makes me howl with laughter, I do it all the time just to annoy them.

Invisible is in the eye of the beholder.
Often it’s better if you find yourself invisible & replace that language with invincible. Who wants to get noticed by creeps ,young thugs that can outrun you, homeless that spit on you, crazies who run you off the road, texts with various dic pics of older or younger looking for a quickie & some attn married older dudes looking for another side appetizer.
Be careful what you wish for. Getting your first butt cheeks text from a married dudes 40 yrs married or a riske
Pic hmmmmmm Girl go get you invincible on. 70 is young! Go volunteer at an assisted living facility and you will get plenty of attention and realize HEALTH is everything! Mind & body.
Mix it up. Go volunteer with youth. Don’t spu out advice, find your smile and energy - love on people - find the humor in everyday things . Everyone of us get older if we are lucky. The beat goes on.
Want to live and be grateful than work with those who are less fortunate and you will NOT be invisible but invincible.