I have become invisible

Well my family have always been only part of my life. I worked most of my adult life. The only break when my children were under 5. I also had hobbies and outside intersts.

One of the things DH and I were always agreed on was that we kept up our outside interests after marriage and despite children, and in his case a demanding career that had him constantly away from home. So as family made less demands on me the gap was quickly filled by other activities I was involved in. Since I was involved in lots of organisations, on committees etc, I always had a sense of self, and invisbility didn't really enter in to it.

Dear Sparkling

I absolutely completely understand where you’re coming from I am over 70 now and things I had are gone such as my career being as active as I used to be etc. What I have found solace in is being able to be by myself and be OK because I cannot change those around me I cannot make others speak to me I cannot invent being important any longer so I am fine within myself-easier said than done I know but it’s OK. Life is a funny thing and we get to be a huge part of it And that part diminishes somewhat as we get older. I try to give my time to those that are beloved by me and for me that is good enough and I truly do hope you can find this as well.

Yes, we slip down the list of priorities when children have their own children. Of course, that’s entirely natural and as it should be. Rather like Princess Anne going down in the line of succession when her younger brothers were born.

Barleyfields

My experience as an opinionated person who doesn’t suffer fools (of which I readily admit I am one in many ways) is exactly the same as yours MOnica. And I also live too far away from my grandchildren to be very involved in their lives.

Snap! We could have an opinionated persons club, at which we will frequently disagree 😬

On the whole I think I’m fairly visible when I chose to be. But it doesn’t bother me not to be the focus of anyones attention.

Perhaps it’s the step away from being the centre pin of the family to the edges that’s so difficult for some.

I’m inclined to think that most of us are invisible regardless of our age. People are mostly concerned with themselves.

My experience as an opinionated person who doesn’t suffer fools (of which I readily admit I am one in many ways) is exactly the same as yours MOnica. And I also live too far away from my grandchildren to be very involved in their lives.

My life has never revolved around my grandchildren because they live too far away.

But I must say I do not find myself to be invisible. I think that is because, as you may have guessed from GN. I am noisy and opinionated and do not allow people not to see me.

From the time I left school to go to university to study economics I have operated in a male dominate environment, so quickly learnt how to assert myself, to make sure I was not ignored or walked over. That tips over into private life as well. I am not ignored or walked over.

I’m not being negative but I think the next visit will be cancelled as well. It’s happened before. Night night. 🤗🤗

Then you still have a visit to look forward, instead of it being over!

The grandkids didn’t come along because one of them had a stomach bug.

whywhywhy

I still feel invisible on here and in life. My friend said once that nobody wants you when you get old and have outlived your usefulness. It’s true. The grandkids don’t need babysitters. Two granddaughters coming to stay tonight. Haven’t seen them in months and they are now in mid teens. They’re coming for their Christmas presents! Fedup!

Grandchildren don't need care, visits are lovely. Enjoy!

😊

Yes true and thank you for the kind advice.

I don’t know whether I’m invisible or not, but I certainly don’t feel it. I am quite tall, which I think helps, and also articulate, so I make my voice heard in company. People seem to listen to me. Both my sons treat me as an equal, though they don’t live near me.

I don’t post very often on here, so maybe I am invisible in this case, but I really don’t mind if I am.

You are not invisible here. I’m replying to you. However you have only just posted on the Good Morning thread so few there will notice you. If you want to be one of the crowd there you need to post much earlier, not when everyone else has left. And you need to be more than just an occasional poster here, get involved in some of the discussions.

If your granddaughters are in their teens, of course they have busy lives of their own and you’re way down on their list of priorities. That’s as it should be. Be glad they’re coming to stay tonight and enjoy catching up with their news. I’m sure we all ‘outlived our usefulness’ when we were no longer needed to be useful. I hope you shake yourself out of this before your granddaughters arrive or they won’t want to visit again in a hurry.

I still feel invisible on here and in life. My friend said once that nobody wants you when you get old and have outlived your usefulness. It’s true. The grandkids don’t need babysitters. Two granddaughters coming to stay tonight. Haven’t seen them in months and they are now in mid teens. They’re coming for their Christmas presents! Fedup!

Didn’t realise this is sooo old. Xx

?????

I'm certainly not invisible on a mobility scooter!

I have felt invisible for some time now. People walk in front of me at bus stops, they barge into me when I am coming out and they are entering shops, they open a door and go through, let the door go when I am right behind them. I could go on but this is becoming wingey and boring.

Once or twice I have been tempted to say "I'm sorry, did I forget to take my invisibility cloak off before I came out?"

I don't feel as if I really matter to anyone now, of course I have family and friends but I am not top of the list as I used to be anymore. I don't feel invisible though just not useful or necessary, however, I expected it. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy
my life despite odd down I never used to have. I still don't go without make up and dress well.

There is a certain freedom in feeling invisible. I notice that on days where I am attending a meeting, almost always with people younger than me, I make more effort. I put on make-up and dress to look sort of smart casual. I wear perfume and I am confident enough to engage in whatever conversation or agenda that presents itself. On the days when I am meeting groups of people my age , 77, for coffee, friendship groups or Better Years hub, I am clean and casually tidy but only put make-up on if I have left enough time to do that before I leave home. I don't worry about going au naturelle, but I know I look better with a bit of slap on. If I am spending the day at home or in the garden then I just wear comfortable clothes and factor 50 that I would prefer not go anywhere in and this feels like a great indulgence. Basically I am probably lazy and a chance to be invisible is rather nice.

I’m in my 80’s now and haven’t really given much thought to being ‘invisible’ ……although I have felt ‘sidelined’ at times by people in their 40’s and 30’s. But it doesn’t worry me to much ….i am who I am and comfortable in my own skin……and very grateful and privileged indeed to reach my 80’s and still with a feeling of some independence!

What is it that makes you feel invisible here? I don’t think you post very often?

Jaye53

Sadly No one ever thanked me for replying to their problems. not one personally , just a "thanks all" a couple of times only.

I joined GN in 2011. I’ve never been thanked personally for the invaluable expert advice I’ve given for free. 😂
Maybe that’s because, like mine, the didn’t appreciate your advice.

I can so identify with this. I am literally invisible too! People even walk into me sometimes, I don't know when I got this super power but obviously when I am out and about no one notices me! (Makes me wonder why I worry about whether I am dressed nicely or have make up on!!) I am 75.