Presents

I’d casually ask your brother Nansy, but not when the birthday is imminent! I’m one of 6 siblings, so lots of AC and their kids. Although we don’t give birthday pressies (or cards, just a FB message in some cases) if we’re meeting at Christmas we’ll give a simple gift like nice chocs, home made jams etc. and nieces & nephews under 21 still get a pressie.
I asked a friend that I rarely saw about stopping Xmas presents. She’d married again and now has a big new family & more grandkids so I thought it would be one less person for her to buy for. She seemed horrified that I’d suggested it. The next time I saw her she gave me two year’s worth of Xmas and birthday presents! It was embarrassing

We have also stopped buying for Sil and her husband it was just getting ridiculous and now the children have reached adulthood it's stopped for them too and birthdays as well.

I’ve been married for 40 years 3 kids 6 grandchildren and my FIL only buys for his son and daughter.

Presents aren’t just for birthdays and Christmas so maybe the odd small present during the year when you see them? Assuming you do! Then there would be less pressure on them to reciprocate.

Did this a few years ago, so glad we did £20 per GC that's 7on DH side 2on mine since then DH side have produced 11 GGC

Stopped giving Christmas and birthday gifts to adults years ago. Just felt it was more important to concentrate on the children in the family at these times. All the family agreed and really appreciate the decision. Go with the no gifts for birthdays as well as Christmas. You will feel liberated. A card to recognise the day is enough.

I would just send a thoughtful card with good wishes. We stopped adult presents 2 years ago - although I do still give my elderly parents a small gift.
We agreed with BIL and his wife that instead of christmas presents we would go out for a meal together instead as we don't see each other enough. First one was last year and we had a fabulous evening. A lovely treat for all of us.

I don't think he meant in that way . When people say family they mean there spouse , children and grandchildren . If your unsure about birthdays ask him and if your miffed the tell him so . Other wise he won't know and be able to put his side across .

Easy. Contact them and say “does the Christmas idea also apply to birthdays”?”
You may not like the answer but at least you are clear. Make sure you ask in a positive, no problem way. Clarity is a great thing x

Lots of good suggestions here, however I wouldn't send a birthday gift without checking with your brother first. He may have only meant Christmas, but if he did also mean birthdays too, it would be embarrassing for him to receive something from you.

After all, the gift is meant to be for the recipient, not the giver so even if you do want to give him something it maybe contrary to his wishes and even if it gives you pleasure to give, it may give him the opposite feeling which I am sure you would not want.

Sorry about all the 'gives', can't think of a better word!

This Christmas just gone my sons (now all adult) all agreed that they didn't need anything, but asked for something small from a charity shop or car boot sale. We found several board and card games which were such fun to play... and probably only spent less than £10 in total. We spent the rest on nice food and a f̶e̶w̶ couple of bottles of wine. There is no need to enter the terrifying rat race of more and more gifts that people don't need.

Ask him. Just ring up and say " you mentioned we weren't buying presents at Christmas anymore, does this apply to birthdays as well as ..... birthday is coming soon and I'm not sure what to do". You might find he is relieved not to continue that tradition also. If you get joy out of giving presents then redirect the money you would spend to a charity or buy some toys/ books etc for your local children's hospice.

Please could someone help me out with this? If you have decided to buy for children only at Christmas, say under 18,what do you do about siblings? I ask because I will never ever forget the look of hurt on my daughter's face when, one Christmas Day she was the only grandchild not to receive a gift from her grandparents.

We only bought for nieces/nephews up until they were 18, and only adults I gave to were our parents and my sons.
If this is the first birthday since the Christmas stoppage I would take the chance to stop giving presents to anyone other than your own hubby/children (if you have any). Just send a nice card to let them know you are thinking of them.

We stopped a few years ago and just send a nice card instead

oh years back, when my brother and I had our young children, we agreed not to keep buying for each other and the children,,

very practical unless of course, you have the funds to do so.. buy presents for whomsoever you wish and can afford..
do we really buy presents on the basis we get one back!!! I ask you!

We stopped buying years ago and only bought birthday/Christmas presents for sisters children until they turned 18. It was a relief for all concerned as money was tight.

...Sorry for double post, forget to say that perhaps the brother has financial stress and present-buying is one more thing to worry about?

I would just send a card with your love/good wishes, and spend the money you would have spent on a present on something nice for yourself instead! (The gifts you buy yourself are the best, really...you receive exactly what you want and never have to exchange them because the size or colour isn't right or you already have a copy of the book/DVD etc, or you are allergic to the potion or lotion...)

I am in the situation where I buy a gift for a close member of my family every Christmas and birthday, and the gift is never acknowledged - I don't even know if the parcel arrived at its destination, never mind whether it was received with joy or horror. Only the thought of the hysterics that would certainly ensue if I suggested not sending gifts prevents me from making the suggestion. (It's very complicated...)
I have long since stopped sending presents to a niece and nephew who apparently cannot write, email, telephone or text to say thank you.

Our family decided to only buy Christmas presents for children last year.
What a relief!
I find buying gifts for adults hard work as you’re never quite sure if you have it right.
We have only ever bought for close family anyway, which we think is our children and spouses and Grandchildren.
After saying that, I always give money in the card for Birthdays.

I understand how you feel. Two years after I was widowed at 53 my sister in law made a declaration that only ‘family’ could visit them at Xmas in their holiday house not too far from me. When I asked when I could drive over my poor brother had to tell me that I was not ‘family’ so I couldn’t visit. People can be very insensitive but we have to live in the real world. My motto ‘It is what it is’ needs to be in my mind on many occasions.

Presents are only bought for children at Christmas in my family.

It is a sensible idea. Half the time we give gifts that aren't really wanted. I think the lottery is a good idea or a donation to your local hospice in lieu, which is what I do. Tell your brother his idea is a good one and you will donate instead of giving gifts

I think the problem is that most people now buy everything they want during the year, which means they end up receiving lots of things they don’t want.
We now buy just for the children in the ‘family’ - up to the age of 18.

Your brother decided what was right for him and rightly so. This does not surely mean that you have to conform? Just carry on giving if that's your desire. Do whatever you really want to do.