Presents

just a card is fine....i gave up on presents long ago..

Love Christmas and Birthdays-giving not receiving!
Have given as gifts -leopard sponership, goats for a family,bike for a nurse/midwife and other similar items not always expensive and better than socks every time.
gifts from charity shops,donations to CS etc.
We have cut down the amount of presents we buy,but for lonely elderly friends and family a small gift can bring a lot of pleasure,even a visit to have a drink of tea.
Home made gifts are so lovely to receive.

I have cut present buying back immensely, only buy for certain family members now, I prefer for birthdays to send special cards ( I have a friend who makes lovely handmade personalised cards, for a reasonable price, including a donation to a cancer charity, so a win win situation ). The lotto ticket is a good idea, as is a scratch card, both easy to send inside a card, and even better if they win !! I once gave a scratch card as a xmas present and it won £40, so that was really good for the recipient.

I’m sure when you’re brother said ‘family’ he was meaning his wife / children & grandchildren just not the wider family . Don’t fret and worry about the birthday present question just ring him and ask , as a family we have cut back with presents , everyone can buy what they want all year now I think birthdays and Christmas have lost their sparkle in such a material world

I try to cut my gift list but fail! I told my niece and her children I was only going to buy for my chidren and grandchidren. Nearer to Christmas I felt guilty and bought them a voucher for a nice restaurant. Ended up costing me more than before!

This year as we have moved 150 miles away from family I informed my cousins and brothers families that we are now only buying presents for our DC and ĎGC. We are still sending cards but that's our limit. We are now both retired and on state pension with limited savings ie not much.
Previously we had always bought for the whole extended family ( 14 children and 12 adults not including my own 3 DC and 3 DGC ) often with no thank you or acknowledgement or even a card from most of them. I don't think it went down well but can not afford it anymore.

PJN1952 how thoughtless and unkind of your sister in law . A pity your brother didn,t say to her my sister is family and not allow this to happen.

Please don't be upset. \lots of families have cut back on present buying - it is so much easier and saves money. Send a nice card and phone to say happy birthday/ Christmas.

you Say you don’t want to ask your brother, but surely that’s the only way you will know, as he put he hoped you would understand, I think he just means his children,

As a young widow with 4 kids all now with partners so 8 adults and 9 grandchildren I stopped buying for the adults a good few years ago and only buy for the grandchildren now. The adults suggested it but still get presents from parents and kids jointly

I sympathise with your feeling miffed about not being classed as family OP. For many years my siblings and I found a day sometime over the Christmas or New Year period to get together. If one of us couldn't make it one year it was no great issue, whoever was available turned up. Then one year one brother said he had too many 'family' commitments to see us anytime over Christmas or New Year ever again! Life is too short to get too upset over such things and I am sure his intention wasn't to upset anyone but several years on I am still a little miffed. We do see each other throughout the year though and we get along fine.
There have been lots of good suggestions on here regarding the birthday presents that I can't really add to but I hope all works out well for you all.

We also decided in my family not to give presents to sisters/brothers - only to our own children who are now grown. This means for me, I get presents from my son and I only buy for him. (My other son passed away in 2017 at 23). It definitely takes the pressure off as I am on a limited income being unable to work. However, my sister turned up on Christmas day with a bag full of gifts for me - all small inexpensive gifts but lovely and thoughtful. I was delighted to receive them but was a little embarrassed that I had nothing for her. She said it was just so I had some things to open because she and my other siblings had plenty of gifts and I should too.

There was a big age gap between my late husband and his two older sisters and between our children and those of my two sisters in law. We all agreed that we would stop sending presents as each child reached 18. There was a bit of moaning at first as, obviously, our children would get presents for longer from their Aunts than their children would from us (nothing I could do about that though). I have continued to buy presents for my gt nephew and gt nieces until they reached 18 - my grandchildren do not get presents from their remaining Gt Aunt so I think that evens things out I am now a Gt Gt Aunt and I just send a card now. All the adults agreed at the same time that no-one would buy for adults, just send cards so that is what I do too - apart from my surviving sister in law who I do buy both birthday and Christmas presents for (a food hamper) as she cooked many a Christmas meal for us when we used to all gather at her home. It is just too expensive to keep buying presents for everyone and, as long as everyone has agreed to not buy then it does work without anyone feeling hurt or left out.

OK. I get it but I don't think I could ever bring myself to do that.

Yes, if the rule is under 18s only. Otherwise what's the point?

At 18 I'd expect them to be old enough to understand.

But I still don't really understand how you deal with a big family gathering at Christmas where some children are say 17 and one might be 18. Do you leave that one out?

We buy for the youngest children at Christmas and birthdays, cards for all the others. When there is a major birthday, ie brother was 60 then we all pool together for a big gift x

He's a bloke NancyPansy and therefore would have just said bare minimum via text (which are notorious for causing misunderstanding) you might get a better, fuller idea from your SIL maybe. My sil decided to stop sending cards last Christmas & that text caused misunderstandings due to birthdays that fell in December (cards already purchased etc) but when we paid for our xmas card second class stamps - ouch!My hubby leaves all of the gifts & cards to me - never any input. I must admit though that its dispiriting to be asked for particular gifts for the GS' s that are quite expensive & have to be posted due to distance & our own ill health and then have to ask have they arrived more than once & not get any positive reaction from the 8 & 13yr olds. Makes you wonder why you bother really.

My sister-in-law said this the Christmas after my father had passed away two years ago -no Christmas presents except for my nephew (under 18) but still for birthdays. This year my sister and I had sent gift cards for sister-in-law and her son, my sister who's birthday is the day after his only had a card - so we were wondering what to do about my brother's birthday next month seeing as my brother-in law, younger nephew and mine are all later in the year. I messaged my brother saying our sister was upset she hadn't had a present seeing as we had both sent gift cards to his family - apparently the order for the flowers didn't go through, so he sent a bigger bouquet AND chocolates

Like this idea!

Sometime ago, we all decided to buy presents until the children were eighteen. All the adults take part in a secret Santa, we set it up using Drawnames.co.uk and we can leave suggestions there regarding present ideas. It’s a lot of fun trying to guess who bought what. We still send cards for birthdays after age of 18, and give £21 for 21st birthdays.

My sister and I have an arrangement whereby we each buy something we want ( but don’t really need) for ourselves and say that it the present from the other one.
We live 200 miles away from each other.
It saves postage and we get what we want and can afford.
We phone one another to say thank you for being so generous!

I have 6 children, 8 grandchildren (another on the way) and all bar one have partners. I really don't have the money to spend on any other wider family members but it wouldn't mean that I didn't think of them as family. I wouldn't be miffed if I were you, OP.

Dear PJN1952, so sorry - that does seem very harsh of your SIL, how upsetting.

As regards presents/not presents for friends and family, it’s a minefield. I feel quite annoyed that my SIL told us that she had decided that presents were for the grandchildren aged under 18 only - which is fine except she has several under 18’s and we have two, so it’s all rather one way!

Plus we have a very disabled granddaughter, aged 20+, who is frankly treated as a child, she won’t ever be able to earn money, but doesn't qualify for a family Christmas present according to my SIL! Trying not to be petty, but other people sometimes create rules that seem to only benefit them. ? ?

I understand not giving the adult family members, my sisters and brothers agreed when the children came along only the children got presents. I couldn't not buy for my grandchildren, Nanny 27 even though most of them are adults themselves now with families. In fact they have told us to buy for them, but we always will as long as we can afford it.