Non traditional funeral/memorial service

I want a Christian burial, just to have my cardboard coffin lowered to the traditional words. No church service, no funeral director, no eulogy or music.
My family and friends can then go to tea shop for lots of cake.

I have chosen a eco coffin, it has poppies all over it, can be used for burial or cremation, I would like to be 'planted' in a woodland setting
No service just a gathering of friends

The loveliest funeral I've ever attended was that of my best friends mother 6 years ago. It was held in the back room of the funeral parlour, attended by 8 of us and the funeral director gave a short eulogy. It was so intimate and thoughtful. We all went for afternoon tea over the road afterwards. My best friend received her mother's ashes a week later.

I think it's so uplifting to hear all these lovely stories about various memorial and funeral services that some have had, and that families now feel more in control and included in what they want, and don't just simply follow protocol if they don't wish to. Funerals used to be such gloomy affairs when I was young.

Of course it doesn't detract from the sadness of bereavement, but in many cases just feels more personal I think.

I arranged a non religious funeral for my husband. My son in law led things and my three children each read a poem. One son who has a good voice sang my husband’s favourite. Some close friends and relatives who could not attend sent messages with anecdotal stories. My sil read these out. We deliberately kept it private, close family only. My husband was 93 when he died so had no surviving friends in good health to attend. Afterwards we went to a hotel nearby for a prearranged afternoon tea. It was a very comforting occasion. We collected the a couple of days later and buried them at a local Woodland burial site. There is a tree now marking the burial and I have asked my family to do the same for me when the time comes. Hope this helps Nanamar.

I went to a woodland burial many years ago - the 'wood' wasn't there yet but the idea was that as each burial took place a tree would be planted on the spot and in time a wood would be created.

Recently I've been to several funerals and although two of them were in our local church they weren't hugely religious but a mixture of both. My brother's MiL's funeral was more on the lines of a celebrant giving her life story, one of her daughter's giving her memory of growing up in a large family and then music to reflect to. This seems to be becoming the 'norm' now. My dear Mum wants a more traditional service using the same hymns and reading as that for my Dad 20+ years ago

Hello Kartush that sounds a lovely thing to do.

My son had a non religious service with a celebrant, it was
beautiful. We had a hand in planning everything, the celebrant visited us a few times and we decided everything from music to flowers with her. I am Buddhist and want the same kind of funeral for myself.

A friend of mine died suddenly and her son had her cremated in a totally private service with no one attending but himself. A month after her death, a small group of us gathered at dawn beside the river she loved, we watched the sunrise and remembered her then we all put momentoes and notes on a small raft and sent it on its way in the river.

I believe when you're gone thats it so no headstone or scattering of ashes ,they can go into the garden of remembrance at the crem .A straight forward cremation too ,no expensive coffin or flowers etc .We're friends with a funeral director and he tells stories of families getting into debt to pay for lavish funerals..I cant understand why ....be good to your family when they're alive ,they wont know any different when they're dead

So sorry for your loss scribbles.That sounds like a lovely way to remember your Oh.

Daughter and I had a private cremation for OH - just the two of us, no service but a quiet time with our own thoughts and one special piece of music.

I had some of his ashes kept separate from the rest and these have been buried in our lovely little garden here at home. He put so much of himself into this place which was to be our forever home that I felt it only right a part of him should be always here.

In a couple of weeks, there will be a non-religious celebration of his life with music and stories from some of his friends and me about the man we knew and loved. We will then place his ashes in a plot I've chosen at a woodland burial site, accompanied by his favourite piece of music. Then we'll come back here for a buffet lunch and, I dare say, a few toasts and more stories at our "local", one of OH's regular haunts.

The woodland site is beautiful and his plot will have spring bulbs planted on it. It's big enough for two so my ashes will also go there in due course.

When my mother died in 2015 we had a celebrant whom none of us had met prior to the day as we all lived very long distances away. We did not like her and as soon as the curtains closed she rushed off saying she had to be somewhere else.

I have only been to one funeral, my mums and that was to support my dad. Afterwards we gathered at my house and sat in the sunny garden eating and drinking. The neighbours asked me whose birthday we were celebrating a bit later and my dad said I enjoyed this so much we will have to do it again. He had forgotten for a short while why we were all together.

Me, I don't want anyone attending, just someone to collect my ashes and scatter them in a a place I love.

My FIL didn't believe in God but when my MIL died a church service was held. it was a travesty because neither of them went to church and the celebrant didn't know them.

My mother was in a nursing home with Alzheimer's for some years and she was a believer. A local curate used to visit the home regularly and he had some personal recollections of her which were appreciated by her children.
She had forgotten who we were towards the end, other than she knew us but she apparently could remember the words of the Lord's Prayer and the 23rd Psalm.

I would choose something they liked to do and have a gathering of friends and loved ones around that activity or theme. Use the time to tell stories and share memories. For example, my mother loved to needlepoint and knit, so having friends and family come and bring items she had made for them, and/or ask those who like to do those activities to bring their projects with them to work on during the gathering.

What a beautiful idea.

Been to a few non religious funerals with Celebrants. DDs funeral last year was private 30 mourners and her favourite music played. Also been to a mo funeral but celebration of life as body was gifted for research. Also celebration of life as no cremation/funeral. Person was taken from funeral home direct to crematorium, no service, no mourners but family had celebration of life 3 weeks later. The latter is what I am going for.

For my DH I had a Celebrant but with the addition of one hymn. His closest friend had written a lovely Eulogy which on the day he couldn't read out so the Celebrant read it. I had a meeting with the Celebrant before the Cremation so he had some insight into my DH's life & interests. We had a small family gathering at home afterwards, his ashes are buried at the Crematorium.

I have since moved to be nearer DD & GSs, my DD knows I wish to be Cremated & my ashes taken to the Garden of Remembrance at Football Club I have followed all my life.

I''ve been to a religious funeral today in church, and although I am a non believer, I thought it was a really lovely service. I enjoyed singing the hymns, something which I do miss at non religious ceremonies, and all the family participated, which was moving and personal.

When the vicar did the religious stuff I had just thought quietly about all those I care for. Although it was not something I would want for myself, it was clearly so meaningful for the family.

I'm glad we have more choice these days, and don't have to follow convention if we don't want to, as was the case not so long ago.

Like aggie, I would have liked a religious funeral, with the hymns we chose at "our" wedding - BUT my family don't go to Church; they wouldn't know the hymns, and those hymns probably wouldn't mean anything to them, anyway. So, with our funerals arranged via "Funeral Plans, we opted for a simple cremation with the family officiating. My sister is Executrix for me, so she can choose what she wants - though I've written down the music I'd like for the "entrance" Bryan Adams singing "Everything I do - I do it for you" and "exit" with Celine Dion singing "I am your Angel". As aggie said, I won't be there anyway - so if they choose something else, I won't know anything about it! If I'm still here after hubby, I will have the Church Service he would have wanted, with our Wedding Hymns - even if I'm the only one singing (I'll book a choir anyway, as my voice may not be up to scratch on the day!).

We have decided to not have a direct cremation - for us that’s too cold blooded! .... but to be taken to the crem, escorted by a few family members, background music playing, where they can sit, stay or go when they want - certainly no service. I think it’s important for the ones left behind to accompany you to the crem. and say their goodbyes.

As has been mentioned earlier Thecatshatongemat ,they will jot always accept a body.
My mum donated her body to Medical Research.
After she died there was no funeral but we had a Memorial Service which was lovely and some years later she was cremated.
I was asked by the person at the Crematorium to write down some things about my mum.
I did that .
He read them out at the Service.
We were the only two people there.!

When my mother died, we had a cremation without a service arranged by local funeral directors and then her ashes were delivered to us shortly afterwards. We live in London but most of her family live in Lincolnshire. Mum was not at all religious and did not want to drag all her family down to London for a funeral so we buried her ashes in my Dad's grave up in Lincolnshire and the family came to a graveside ceremony where my cousin, who is a vicar, said some prayers and I read a lovely poem. The family all then had a buffet lunch together and it was really happy and meaningful. It was also much cheaper as there was no funeral to pay for and we did all the burial arrangements ourselves through the local Council. The only drawback was that it took a long time for the cremation to happen - four weeks - and then a few weeks before the burial.

Does anyone have any ideas for the little memorial cards that used to be given out to mourners?