Do we need a Nice Nansnet?

The problem with internet forums is that you can't see body language or hear a tone of voice, so misinterpretation is much easier online than reality.

Thanks lemon
As Chewbacca says, it's the posting style, plus a couple of people seem to go out of their way to deliberately hurt and insult and put down .... but as someone said further back, these horrible comments say more about the poster.

You're right about soops kitchen morethan. I went on there a couple of days ago and it's great. Can't recommend it highly enough.

I agree Chewbacca some posts are unnecessarily harsh and brutal but lemongrove's right too, there are some wonderful support threads with kind and caring GN's.

I've made some really good friends here on GN and you're one of them Chewbacca.

Perhaps the things I say are too bland to attract attention because I have never yet received a personal attack.

Sometimes I wonder if the people insulting others would talk in quite the same way in real life. It is easy to hide behind a keyboard.

I enjoy Gransnet but, if a thread is full of pointless arguments and personal attacks, I just stay away from it.

When I first joined Gransnet I compared it favourably with mumsnet as it seemed so much more tolerant, kind and mature. I hope it isn’t changing.

Sparklefizz good that you weren’t put off GN?

I don’t think we need another forum, as there are many good supportive threads when a member needs them.

It is an absolute nuisance though when one poster decides to totally disrupt an otherwise rather nice thread, with meandering malicious mutterings!

I think it's not so much the honesty that is the problem with some posting styles, but the harshness and brutality of some posts. I have in mind a particular poster, who is certainly very outspoken and absolutely sure that their political views are absolutely correct, and who comes down like a tonne of bricks on anyone who differs in their opinions. There's a world of difference between being able to argue a point with vigour and just demolishing the other persons point of view completely.

I know my opinions are very often the opposite of most on here but I dont say things for affect.I reaally do feel out of step with a lot of gransnetters and I wont be changing to suit them any day soon.I can think of nothing worse than a "nice nans net" I once dumped a boyfriend because he was too sugary sweet and nicey nicey ,I couldn't live with someone like that or be part of that type of forum .If you cant say what you believe on an anonymous forum then whats the point of having the forum at all .

I am afraid forums attract "keyboard Warriors", Their only object is to be contentious and insulting. Gransnet has a couple of these; best ignored as they are only looking for a row!

Oh, thank you, Kalu. x

After years on GN, I have only recently been insulted but will be avoiding any posts I see with a certain poster on.

Sparklefizz. That really is unforgivable having been told clear off etc!

Pleased you decided to stay. ?

Gransnet is like any media forum, newspapers, tv etc . There is an off switch on the tv, you can turn the page of a newspaper . It’s the same with GN ; no one has to read things they don’t like or get involved in discussions that upset them. There are many, many kindhearted and friendly people on this site; it’s a wonderful resource for practical and sensible information on so many topics . Just choose carefully and ‘switch channels’ if necessary!

I get wonderful support on a Health thread on here. It has meant so much to me to be able to talk with people. I thank you all for being here.
Political threads are a different matter, people feel passionately about the subject, very lively debates that can get rather personal if you disagree. Best to ignore if necessary.

I have been insulted several times on GN. One person, who shall be nameless, told me to "Clear off and you won't be missed!" (or words to that effect )

At first I felt very upset, but now I just try to avoid those posters in future.

I enjoy a sensible debate and reading other people's points of view and learning something, but slanging matches and personal insults ..... I was naive when I first joined, and feel my life is tough enough for health and other reasons that I don't need to be personally insulted or upset by something on here. I'm sure most of us feel the same.

I am an admin on a closed health forum and we crack down smartly on anyone who is the slightest bit unpleasant.

lucca me too there are some posters who actually throw in a curved ball then when answers don’t agree shout ‘bully’
Life’s strange though isn’t it . And isn’t that what makes it less dull
You soon find which posters you scroll down and which you listen too all part of life’s rich pattern

I find it strange when posters start a thread under AIBU. But get upset when people say actually yes you are!

rafichagran I am happy with robust discussion but when it degenerates into name calling and insults it is no longer a debate - it becomes a slanging match. Discussions don't have to be "twee" .

Life is a a mixture of people, some we get on with some we dont. What some people regard as nice others do not.
On here there is a poster who,if they consider someone has been nasty, threatens to leave Gransnet, you get the same posters saying dont do that. One even said you are Gransnet. Let's be clear the thousands of posters who make contributions and post are Gransnet. I find this poster a attention seeker. This is my opinion others would not agree with me and that is fine.
Posters talk about aggressive posts, but there are are also the passive aggresive one's that are just as bad they are just as nasty but put in a different way.
I like a robust discussion and we should all be able to agree or disagree, like Merlotgran I dont do twee.
Urmtried to do a lovely post, which I did not contribute on, because I knew exactly how it would go. Posters were ignored, the thread was derailed, and it got nasty in the end. Gransnet mods intervened and said if it did not get back on track it would be deleted.

When I first joined gransnet, I had a response from someone, the topic which escapes me now, which was similar to something I may have heard from the school bully when I was about 15. It really shocked me, I suppose I was so naive to think the forum was sweet ‘ little old ladies’. I told my kids and they just laughed and said “ oh mum, this isn’t real life, people are horrible on these forums, you should try Facebook!” I didn’t give up though, and you’re all right, you get to know the obnoxious ones, and just avoid them. I’ll normally respond to the OP. If this invites a disagreement from someone else, I’ll maybe go to two more responses, and then leave it. Sometimes, I just enjoy reading the posts without being involved.

Not really I don’t relate to nicey nicey things I like genuine kindness and positivity but there’s a balance and to have everyone being nice on command kind of defeats the purpose
However there is a difference with being pleasant and caring to being plain bitchy and that I don’t like
I don’t always deliver the answers that some people are looking for especially on the problem forum But I have to be honest and that sometimes means saying things they don’t want to hear I do try hard to deliver ‘bad news’ in a kind and constructive way though but I can’t always be a ‘there there all is well with the world’ person because let’s be honest it’s not is it ?
There are a few posters that I keep away from as they are not people I d want to be involved with in ‘real life’

I get your idea though scentia why not have a positivity thread

Life is a mixture of nice people and not-so-nice people and I think we should keep it that way on GN.
I personally loathe posters who are unpleasant and think no-one else's opinion is worth anything. So I just try to avoid them. It tells us more about them than the people they are attacking.

IMO some people do just enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people. From experience on a few very different forums, you’re always going to get some of those.

The only forum where I never encountered it was the one for carers of people with dementia, but even there, there was someone whose replies were often extremely blunt as she pointed out where others (in her opinion) were going wrong.

I agree that it is a great shame when we've all reached 'mature' years that some of us still don't know how to live and let live.
I sometimes suspect that the venom has nothing really to do with the other posters, just someone with RL issues taking it out here.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I will just move on if it’s turn nasty like you all say. Or “scroll on, mother” as my son says!!

I have no issue with the idea of debate and giving your opinion on asked for advice, you can be honest and true to your opinions without being nasty and personal.
On a post about Mother’s Day I gave my opinion as it was asked for but the posts that followed were unbelievable?
I will drop into Soop’s Kitchen I think.xx

Like others I no longer read a thread once it starts getting unpleasant, however, that means either a group of people just agreeing with each other or two groups repeating the same nasty comments to each other - neither of which is proper debate.

I certainly don't want GN to be all about knitting, puppies and unicorns but about grown up debate between adults.