Probably realistic to assume that it's in all our towns by now...
Could one or other of the parents work from home?
I didn't know that children could be infectious without having the virus themselves.
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How do I tell them/
(142 Posts)Both my husband and I are in our late 60s with heart and lung problems. We look after our two young grandchildren a few days a week because their parents work. I am worried for our health if the coronavirus reaches our town because the kids are always sneezing, rubbing grimy hands everwhere etc. They may get the virus but show no symptoms yet pass it on to us and in our health it could kill us both. How do I tell their parents that we can not look after them if the virus comes here?
GrannyLaine - our son has no contingency plans at all despite our attempts to persuade him to have one.
We are in a similar situation. My husband has serious health problems. Although I have none I have just been in hospital with pneumonia. Son and family are keeping away as they believe I am infectious and have a newborn plus 3
year and 18m old children. So far we are the main carers of our two grandchildren but they are on paternity/maternity leave so my recovery had not impacted on what they want from us.
Two points:
1. We have experienced the expectations for child care as excessive but hard to resist. I imagine there will be anxiety about disappointing your family and meeting your own needs.
2. It seems children are not getting covid-19. They are notorious for spreading respiratory illnesses; they may have the virus without being ill but pass it on. Source = CNN news.
Many tell me to stand up to my son but I do understand just how hard this. Good luck.
Rather than thinking of this as a 'How do I tell them?' situation, I think this is more of a strategy planning issue. I'm sure the children's parents are having to consider wider strategies anyway on a just in case basis. Surely, whenever children are regularly cared for by family member, there is a contingency plan in place?
I live in France and normally visit my son and family once a month also in France, which I did in February. Unfortunately there was an outbreak in his area that weekend and since my return , by train , he has contacted me every few days to make sure I'm ok , which I happily am!
His concern is greatly appreciated as I know he would be devastated if it was otherwise.
However I won't be visiting for a while now.
I think as grandparents we need to keep this in perspective Granmaclampet. We are not indispensable and if we were ill or dead our children would have to seek other arrangements for their children’s care. It is not us or nothing and if we were not available then other arrangements could be made.
It seems likely that the Corona virus will get worse so for many of us elderly, vulnerable people it is a situation which needs to be planned for and conversations had. Our children who rely on us for childcare are really lucky as it is an easy , and cheap option for childcare but there are other ways.
There are thousands of people thinking the same looking after their grandchildren: we are both classed as high risk, and we know that our DD and SIL wouldn’t expect us to carry on looking after our grandchildren
I share Grandmaclampet's concerns. I'm in my late 60s and in very good health, but my husband is a few years older, has some breathing problems, and always catches more things and takes longer to recover from them than I do, so I worry about him contracting it.
Little grandson normally comes here once a week with his daddy. He's gorgeous, but he's in his first year at school, and of course gets all the coldy things small children do, and naturally passes them on. His slight sniffle on Christmas Day translated into my husband going down with a bad cold for a fortnight! I don't want to tell them not to come on their weekly visit, but we know there've been several cases of The Virus in our city, and I don't want to put my husband at risk.
Maybe suggest they read all of the above... or rather just tell them your concerns !
We could all die at any time, and children understand far better than most adults. As was written in today’s paper ‘If a 93-year-old woman (our Queen) was comfortable going to the service in Westminster Abbey, that’s a signal to all of us just to keep going.’
I doubt very much that it will ever get to the way it is in Italy. They have admitted that they did not put safeguards in place. Our country is working well towards keeping it under control. Remember...flu kills thousands every year. Nobody worries about that. Maybe if more people washed their hands properly lives will be saved there.
Better for them to be without you for two weeks than a possible life time
Talk to them
I'm sure they would understand but! Your house, your rules!!!!
Encourage the children to wash their hands on arrival and after touching their faces, using the toilet, before touching food! It's basic common sense and their parents should really take the responsible route and not leave basic hygiene education to others!
Sometimes our sons and daughters can be somewhat tunnelled vision . Not sure we can always assume we’re on their priorities list really. I think as your very very worried that you should have a chat with your gp and ask him or her what their opinion is. I’m sure they will say put yourself and hubby first on this one. You’ll feel better once you hear GP’s view. Then you can say to parents that you spoke with GP. He is of the view blah blah blah blah. They need to know ASAP so bite the bullet. There will be something going off through school like parents collecting and rakinn ngh g each other’s kids to from school. They need to know so that they can put their feelers out. Is it possible for one parent to work from home. Get cracking . You sound amazing. My DIL hates me and won’t let me see or have my granddaughters. My hearts broken.
May be have a word, asking if they have a contingency plan in place for childcare in case the children (or you) are in contact with the coronavirus but I don't think just because they have snotty noses makes it more likely they'll give it to you, you are probably more likely to pick it up from someone already affected coughing over the supermarket trolley that you use after them or a door handle etc
Maybe you are worrying unnecessary because if it carries on we will all go into lock down and have to self isolate. So they wouldn't be able to go to work. Carry on as normal washing hands, many are vulnerable like yourself, so we are all in this together.
I think if you are in a vulnerable group you must protect yourselves as much as you can. I am in a vulnerable group due to diabetes and work in an older peoples home. I have two daughters. The youngest lives close by and also works in care and is very anxious about my chances of getting it. My eldest is currently on holiday in Portugal with grandchildren and husband,although was a little apprehensive is enjoying. She has mentioned visiting for mothers day/Easter. Hmm I think we may all be in a different situation by then!
I'm not over worried about daughters and grandchildren as all fit and healthy and not in vulnerable group.
I think there is so much info about virus at moment,maybe too much! That said how in tune to that information are your childeren? I work with a wide age group as are my friends. Opinions vary from not at all concerned as just a bad cold to extremely concerned. I spoke to a friend today who has breast cancer and is undergoing radiotherapy and was aware of hand washing but not that you should avoid touching your face unless washed hands. Shes someone who doesnt really watch news or engage in social media. It may have been the hospital gave her a leaflet but hadn't really read it!
In summary dont assume other peoples actions are in your best interests or that they are even aware of the full implications for you.
My first thought was that, if my granchildren's schools close down, I would go and stay at their house but then I had second thoughts. I have bronchiectasis and have been treated for two years for a serious bacterial lung infection.
It is inconvenient for my daughter but she understands.
Your GC's parents may find themselves being told to work at home anyway! My DD and DS have each done "practise" day at home.
Look at it another way to ease your guilt, if you were to catch it and god forbid the worst happened they wouldn’t have you to look after the grandchildren then anyway and that would be permanent at least this is just temporary. Could you not look at helping with nursery fees on the days you have them if the worst happens and it does get to your area.
If they start closing schools then theyl probably start closing work plàces too so it wouldnt be a problem then,they could look after their own kids..anyway surely your family wouldnt expect you to look after them all day every day if schools closed,would they?? Surely that would be too much for you anyway??
Is it just me but i didnt see the funny/ humour post??
Yes of course you are Grandmaclampet a little light relief is always welcome
.
Talk to your family about your concerns and get alternative plans ready. I do think that its the responsibility of the parents to ensure the care of their children, Grandparents should not feel guilty because they cannot always help.
I am still allowed to have some humor!
It's a worry but you need to be honest with them and point out that if you catch the virus then it could be serious for you both.
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