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Should I visit my brother in hospital?

(17 Posts)
Sweetie222 Sat 04-Apr-20 22:38:44

Would you visit someone you love in hospital now if it was allowed owing to special circumstances? I’m 67, in good health, have children and grandchildren I love but don’t see because I’m totally self isolating. I live alone so there would be no one to look after me if I was ill.

My younger brother is very seriously ill, diagnosed terminal. I love him to bits but he can be difficult, though very lovable. I didn’t really see much of him over the years, I’d take him for lunch a couple of times a year but otherwise he did his own thing.

Don’t know whether visiting will help him at all. Don’t know whether it is worth the risk to my health and potentially others.

Since he was diagnosed I’ve been looking after him as best I can, taking him to literally dozens of difficult appointments and visiting all hospital stays.

Since he was diagnosed in December I’ve

MawB Sat 04-Apr-20 22:43:51

I am not sure hospitals are allowing visitors at all , not just to Covid 19 patients. The risks to the staff and patients are simply too great.
My sympathies, but I think you would be best to reconcile yourself to staying at home.

gillybob Sat 04-Apr-20 22:47:31

Oh Sweetie222 you poor, lovely lady. I can’t tell you what you should do , or even what you will be allowed to do . But I couldn’t read your sad post and not reply to you.

Maybe the hospital will make your difficult decision for you . Are you even allowed to visit ?

Thinking of you and your dear brother . xx

cornergran Sat 04-Apr-20 22:50:47

I agree with maw. Most hospitals are refusing visitors as the risks are incalculable. I believe many hospitals are encouraging contact via mobile phone, I know not the same as visiting but perhaps speak to the ward staff about it. I’m sorry you’re in this painful position, we are in a situation like never before, the old norms are often simply not possible now so we must do things differently. Look after yourself, this situation isn’t your fault.

Sweetie222 Sat 04-Apr-20 22:59:40

Thank you for the swift replies. The hospital allows people in special circumstances and I’m pretty sure he’d qualify, they don’t think he’ll ever be well enough to go home. I feel I should decide before asking, which is not the way I’d usually do things.

He had brain surgery early feb but the chemo that was supposed to happen after never did. He was taken to hospital Monday last when it was noticed that he’d not left home.
He’s confused and agitated, in another hospital this week he had three falls in 24 hours.

I’d risk it if I thought visiting would make a difference.

Hithere Sun 05-Apr-20 02:24:18

Not worth the risk. You also matter.

BlueBelle Sun 05-Apr-20 06:51:24

Would he know you ? Would he know you are there ? Is he asking for you? Will he come out or are these his last days ?
No one really can advise on this except your heart and your head
Perhaps talk to the hospital and take advise, not every part of a hospital is teeming with Corona but neither is there any value in putting yourself at risk if it would mean nothing to him
I m sorry it’s a horrid dilemma

PamelaJ1 Sun 05-Apr-20 07:11:59

Find out first if you would be allowed to visit him.
If yes then you still have the dilemma but if the answer is no then you can stop agonising.

We are not allowed to visit a close relative on palliative care.

wildswan16 Sun 05-Apr-20 07:12:44

Stay home. Keep in close touch with the ward by telephone. Send him messages via the nursing staff.

Much as your heart says you should visit the risk to yourself is too great. You have helped him a lot over the last few months and have nothing to beat yourself up about.

If your positions were reversed - would you want someone to risk visiting you? flowers

morethan2 Sun 05-Apr-20 07:38:17

I’m in a much similar position ,so I won’t give you any advice. I just want to send you a great big ((((hug))) because I know how much it hurts, I know the hot tears that your shedding, I feel the same pain tugging at my heart, I understand the silent scream and the longing you feel to be able to comfort and be comforted and share your pain with your family. I’m so sorry for all of us who have to go through this. I’m glad that at least your here with virtual friends who will give what comfort they can.

harrigran Sun 05-Apr-20 07:49:11

I do understand your difficult situation, my cousin died last month and I didn't get to see her, she had a brain tumour but an infection led to sepsis which killed her very quickly.
I comfort myself in the fact that I talked to her on the telephone just before she became unconscious.
You have to make the decision that is right for you.

Whitewavemark2 Sun 05-Apr-20 07:56:42

I think first phone the hospital or better go on line to see if they are allowing visitors.
That decision may be then made for you. However, if visiting is allowed and you make the decision to go, be confident about the measures the clinicians are putting in place to prevent infection. I went to A&E last week (?) and it was set up very well indeed.

TBH I suspect that you won’t be allowed to go.

Sark Sun 05-Apr-20 08:09:51

Sweetie222 flowers
I don't have any more advice as it has all been said really but just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you

Sweetie222 Sun 05-Apr-20 10:29:56

Thank you all for your kind suggestions. I had decided not to risk it.

I phoned the hospital and they took a phone to his bed for us.
He can’t really talk and we didn’t know how much he could understand so I just told him I’m glad he’s in his favourite hospital, gave him updates on silly things in the news, played him a rather rude stay at home song.

The nurse came on and said he was smiling as I talked, he obviously knew who I was and what I was saying.

Although he’s currently nil by mouth the nurse made a note that when he has a hot drink, he likes 3 sugars.

I feel so very glad that we could be in touch in this way, possibly better than going to the ward.

Thank you all again for helping me with the decision.

Carmassi Thu 11-Mar-21 15:23:01

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cherrytree59 Thu 11-Mar-21 15:35:53

Sadily Caramassi your response may be rather late to be of help to the OP, sad

It would seem that the initial question posed by the OP was at the beginning of the pandemic in 2020.

ElaineI Fri 12-Mar-21 10:08:31

Sweetie what happened with your brother? Such a horrible year to have had this kind of news. My thoughts are with you whatever the outcome flowers