The trouble with Gransnet

I am another who has had very supportive PMs, only ever one nasty one. It is a useful way of clearing up any misunderstandings too.

I think getting posts deleted is a bit of a lottery. If a post has been in place for many days and been debated a lot, it seems rather strange to delete it after such a long time. I suspect there are those who ask for deletions when they are not getting the answers they want, not winning the 'argument'

I do find some of the attitudes lack empathy as I get on well with most people. We live in a cul-de-sac and know most of the others and get on very well with them all.

Hello @Artdecogran
Thank you very much for posting that.
It's good to know how others feel. I'm a real newbie - I joined just this last week. I can see that there are many posters who write generously, kindly and thoughtfully - they have a lot of interesting, engaging thoughts to share.

I'm not a newbie in the forum world though and have been on other forums for up to a couple of decades now. A couple of them, shall we say, free with the colourful language and insults! (These forums probably have more male than females. [eye-rolling emoji here!!]) But even these seem more mature than some of the silly, spoling-for-a-fight comments I've read here.

I have forthright opinions which I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with. And I've learnt a lot from reading other people's differing thoughts and opinions over the years and the resulting sensible discussions.

But I do expect respect, the respect I accord to others. What's surprised me such a lot here is the sniping you raise, Artdecogran. What's that about? Do we have a bunch of teenage grans on here?! Because it's just the sort of behaviour that kids manifest!

No excuse for it if it's from those of mature years. Especially when a good number of us are challenged IRL with enough health, family, domestic and other problems without being sniped and snarked at online - and even more so now during this dreadful virus epidemic.

Perhaps these snipers are actually in the wrong forum if they like upsetting others?! Anyone who snipes at others rarely has anything much to contribute anyway. Pity there isn't an ignore button on here . (I have one in my head though LOL!!)

Gemini Towers in the US?

i agree with the above.
it is possible, indeed should be the norm in civilised society, to be able to disagree with a statement without abusing the speaker.
there does seem to be some point scoring going on sometimes, which as well as being unpleasant, is often baffling and boring to other readers; some kind of private bickering conducted on a public forum.
don't go OP. stay and play.

I am a watcher mostly. I have been upset by some unkind postings aimed at clearly vulnerable people. Everyone is entitled to their views but vindictive attacks on some posters who are troubled or grieving have put me off posting. Those who do this need to take a deep look at themselves. I don't like confrontation and would post more if I felt more comfortable with some posters. Most seem lovely a few spoil things.

Gemini....I mentioned it because I wasn’t totally sure it was you.?It was really good fun, your party at Gemini Towers.

I agree with what you say artdecogran. I have been annoyed and sometimes shocked by unnecessary sniping. Also I think because people don’t really know you , it’s easy to be misunderstood. I have sometimes put things badly and put peoples back up unintentionally - if they knew me they would know I’m not like that and make allowances (I hope). It’s horrid getting unkind remarks. But without exception all the pms I’ve had have been friendly and supportive agreeing without what I’ve said or thanking me for defending them. It’s difficult to come across as the person you really are I think.

Sorry you felt uncomfortable on GN Artdecogran it's probably a mistake expecting everyone to be your friend, there is such a cross section of people we are never all going to agree. In fact it would be pretty boring if we all did agree.

I like getting PMs as well, they have always been friendly and supportive, usually continuing a discussion we were both interested in.

I have received quite a few private messages, each one of the posters were lovely. Yes I enjoy Gransnet I also enjoy mumsnet too, the language is very colourful though to say the least, not for the faint hearted ?

A good analogy Maggiemaybe

Yes, I’m on Mumsnet. I don’t post often, but I enjoy browsing the threads. I think the difference is that it has so many members, it never seems insular, and GN can be. MN’s the big city, we’re the little village where everybody knows everyone else. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but it can be a disadvantage as well.

I dipped a toe in the water, *Kandinsky, and then fled to the sand dunes!

I’m assuming most of you haven’t been members of mumsnet?
Mumsnet makes this place look like a convent.

It's just like at work, where you get a range of different opinions and interests. You find like-minded friends and people you really can't fathom.

I'd never be upset by what others write online, though. It's just words.

Those who resort to sniping and personal insults clearly demonstrate their own inability to produce a logical opposing argument.

I find them amusing in what they unwittingly reveal about themselves.

There was a lady at work with loud, outspoken views and beliefs. She could never explain why she had them, though. We discovered that she was just quoting her husband!

It's possible that we had some overspill from Mumsnet last year. They weren't grannie material that's for sure.

Nor me M0nica. I agree with Marydoll, GN is like any other strata of society; it's a mixed bag; some you like, some you don't but Marydoll puts it better than me. And just like in real life, some people you just hit it off with straight away and a virtual friendship grows and if you're very lucky, those friendships become "real" ones when you actually meet up.
I think that, due to the present situation with COVID-19, many of us are in a state of heightened tension and stress and that is sometimes spilling over to what's posted. But overall, GN is a nice place to be generally imo.

I have one member that I share PMs with, apart from that I very rarely receive them.

To Lemongrove

Yes I did host a party at the Towers. Why do you mention it ?

Artdecogran
I suppose if you join a large club with many members there will always be some whom you feel you couldn't get on with although perhaps, if you get to know and understand them better you may.

There are lots of threads which are pleasant and supportive so I hope you can try those too.

I'm just off to find a thread on books as I will download some on to my Kindle as I can't go to buy any now. There are more than one I think, helpful and not nasty at all.

I think Mumsnet is worse

Speaking of which, I glanced at the " clap for Boris " tweet on twitter---------it's horrendous !

It’s just like real life, as others have said. There’ll be people in your neighbourhood you get on with and others you cross the road to avoid.

Joining a new group like GN is just like moving to a new town, and it takes a while to work out who you want to be friends with and who the dodgy ones are. Stick with us, Artdecogran, the good far outweigh the bad.

There have been some corkers in the past who've had the brass neck to report me !! Just because they got het-up about my personal point of view on a subject.

They couldn't/ weren't allowed to openly insult/abuse me on the forum so slyly reported me instead, 2 or 3 times----which gave the impression to others that it was me to blame.
Typical school-yard bullies-----I doubt that they were grans !
I even had a pm that must have been put on repeat as it registered about 20 times. A real nutter.

Yes, another who enjoys receiving PMs and sending them.

I have never had an unpleasant one and I was quite shocked when someone further up this thread said they had received them.

I like getting p.m’s too JenniferEccles! I had a nasty one once, not long after I joined 3y ago and for a while I was wary when I opened any new ones. But happily, ever since that one meany, they’ve all been lovely!
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