If you were a cat

My hoomin is quite well trained although she sometimes doesn't get out of bed until 9.00, I don't waken her as she can be bad tempered but when she does get up late she feeds me straight away instead of sorting out her own Breakfast.

I sleep most of he day but if she goes out to talk to our neighbour I go & make a loud pretence of missing her, really I'm only being nosy, they might be talking about me

She's well trained when it comes to my Dinner, 6 o'clock on the dot. In the evening I occupy the settee, full stretch & watch rubbish tv, why can't she put something interesting on like snooker or a documentary about birds or small furry animals. If I want to really annoy her I demand attention when she's busy doing crosswords, sudoku or typing on the "laptop" thingy

It's a cat's life!!!

I'm really enjoying Her and Him being around all the time - I get even more pettings, strokings and fuss than usual. I do have to get a bit stern with Her as she will insist on calling me her Hunny Bunny Baby Pie, Sweet Girly-Wirl and Booful-Woofuls; honestly I ask you, how can a cat of vintage years (I'm nearly 16) keep her dignity?? But on the whole they are really quite acceptable, and allow me to sleep whenever and wherever I like, feed me good stuff (Her tried some cheap nastiness, I soon put Her right) and generally make life very pleasant. I think I'll probably keep them ...

MissAdventure
Reminds me of a boyfriend in my younger days.
The eyes said it all.

gillybob, you just did me out of my answer. I would go and s--t all over neighbours gardens. I dug a hole to plant something and neighbours beautiful long haired tabby came and sat in it. I had to remind him that I was there first.

If I was a cat I would be really well behaved and only poop and wee in my litter tray or my owners garden! ?

I would wake my hoomin slave at 03,00am loudly meowing to : go out (so she gets up, opens the door (I have my own cat flap but she needs the exercise) ...then I will turn round and go to my bowl in the kitchen to see if it has anything in it. She will put food down, and milk and biscuits ...I will then ignore it, and go and jump on her bed right where she had been sleeping …..then she will try to move me to get back in ...why can't she sleep in the expensive cat bed she bought me although I prefer an empty box ...hoomins ! shame we need them to do our will. She also goes to something called 'the cat shelter' to help other cats ….why ? aren't I occupying her time enough ….she mutters about bringing one HOME ...oh dear...perhaps I should start looking for another house I can decide to go and live in ……[cat]

I got up early, went out to make sure that everything was all right in the garden, visited a cat friend or two, came home and had a saucer of cream, and a saucer of cream and a saucer of cream.

Went out intending to go into the front garden and snooze in the sun, but then my human no. 1 came out to mow the lawn.

I HATE THAT NOISY LAWN MOWER.

Went and curled up on the drying green under a pile of brushwood.

THEN SHE CAME AND WANTED TO MOW THE BACK GARDEN LAWN!

Came indoors and went to bed.

My Mr Cooper

Having just asked the advice of Mr Cooper, Id:

sleep, eat, sleep, scratch myself, eat, have a wash, sleep, eat, sleep, repeat...........

I'd be having lots of fun and exercise by chasing mice. There are lots of them here in the countryside. But my mistress wouldn't let me kill them as she goes to a lot of trouble to rescue them, only uses so called 'humane' mouse traps and then takes them for a long walk, or drives them to the moors.
I think we might have big arguments over this!
The rest of the time I would sun bathe in the garden, or curl up indoors and snooze.

I’d climb over my fence and sh*t all over my neighbours garden . See how they like it!

If I was a cat I’d like to live in my house. My cat is spoiled to bits.
I’d sleep all day and ask for food at frequent intervals, but only the best. Then I’d play with my catnip spider for a while. Mosey over to the scratching post and tear chunks out of it.
Then sleep once more, any where I like!

Maybe he would like a new cat friend for company,watermeadow?

Yes,my cat just looks at me and licks his lips now,to indicate food or treats...id live just he does,and after feeding go outside& sleep in the sun on the trampoline all day,before more food,then bed,on back of the sofa,or somewhere else cosy...

I wouldn’t change places with my cat. He was born feral, trapped and separated from his mum at 4 weeks, kept with 13 others until I brought home him and his brother, who was killed a year later.
He is terrified of everything, spends his days hiding from the world and pulling out his fur with stress. At night he comes purring to my bed and sleeps in the middle of my pillow.
I know this is a light-hearted thread but remember all the cats who are not the happy masters of their human slaves.

My sister & I plus the large male cat & the rather elderly aloof lady cat who we allow to live here with us are rather perturbed that the 2 slaves ( I think they are called Humans) are around all the time at the moment.
Normally we get the house & garden to ourselves a bit more & we are finding it very restrictive. Only this morning I was turfed off their bed so the SHE one could change the sheets & duvets- they looked fine to me- not nearly enough cat hair to worry about.
The HE one spends far longer in bed than usual- not getting up until about 9am by which time I should have had the whole bed to myself for at least on hour. So selfish!
The only good thing is they are having something called 'lunch' which is a new pastime & sometimes results in some nibbles for us at the same time.
I must admit that it is easier to find a lap when we want one- especially in the afternoon when SHE is reading in the garden & doing something called 'sun-bathing'. This means she sits still for a long time which is very useful if I want a good sleep in the sun.
We are making allowances for them at the moment as they seem a bit fed up. I really don't know why as they have US to amuse them 24/7. I have brought in some lovely mice for them but they are never thrilled by the thought!
Humans!! Who'd have 'em!
( Apart from when they are dishing out our food anyway!)

I would lay in the shaft of sunlight performing my ablutions,and trying to reach the nether regions,which prove quite difficult as my hooman knows I like my food and my big furry tummy gets in the way.
I would ask to go out of the front door,and go round the back to go in again having had some exercise,I would then play by scratching the furniture at the back of the settee where she wouldnt notice..hopefully and then sleep till its time to welcome the little hoomans home from school where I go to take them in the mornings,and wait outside for them to walk home ,my name is jeffrey by the way,I am a big black and white hunk if anyone is interested...meow

I would yowl to be let out of my room, run around the garden unsettling the occupants of the bird table, then go upstairs to wipe my paws and distribute hair on the duvet of a member of my staff. Breakfast, then a brisk race around the house with my feline companion, hopefully terrorising the dog at some point (always SO rewarding) and never more so if we knock something over, preferably a vase of flowers with a lot of water. Then it's collapse on a bed time until afternoon snack, more snoozing and then bedtime at about nine, accompanied by a large meal .

I would spend my day walking over the laptop, chucking the books off the bookshelf, ripping the wallpaper off, laying on the cooker so it beeps continually, cry loudly for the tap to be turned on so I could have a drink, change my mind and use the bowl instead, then cry for dinner when it is only just past lunchtime. Oh and finally sleep when he's out shopping.

Doing whatever I like as I dont have a cat (Sorry couldnt resist [Grin] )

If I was a ? now I’d be very afraid.
Where do I self isolate?

If I were anything like our old cat (RIP) , then in between sleeping I’d be a) licking all the jelly off whatever food I loved last week, leaving the rest, and then jumping up on the worktop and yowling at the kitchen cupboard wherein lived the cat food.,

And b) daily visiting neighbours who would give him a saucer of milk every morning and tasty titbits left over from their many dinner parties. (I only found out about all this after it’d been going on for ages.)

Walk around the deserted streets with my nose in the air, ignoring any other cat near by. Not to mention visiting the abandoned building site. ( at least that's what our neighbouring cats seem to so.

I would be sleeping, throwing things down from the tables and probably hunting.

I'd have to come back as the lady of the house. I'd laze around in various spots wherever the sun happens to be then jump on the unsuspecting hooman's desk just when she's trying to type. My favourite pastime would be sitting on the flat thing with keys she seems so fond of then swiping her with my talons whenever she tried to use the moving thing with her hand. That way she'd notice me faster.

I'd pretend to be all sweetness and light and look adorable but only until the mistress gave me food.

I'd learn sign language so that I didn't have to try and hear with my poor deaf ears and train my vocal chords to maximum volume so said mistress would hear me all over the house.

I'd wake her up at various times during the night for food but if she didn't respond I'd dig around in my tray so that she would come and empty it - that way she'll feed me again.

And best of all I'd catch that imbecile of the boy cat whenever he deigned to cross my path. I wouldn't be able to bite him but I'd definitely give him a nasty scratch!

If I was the imbecile of a boy cat I'd have to stay in the summerhouse all day until the she cat who must be obeyed has gone to bed then I'd be able to sneak back in under the cover of darkness and sleep on my favourite male hooman's chair.