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Spending time with Grandchild

(11 Posts)
Minibinnu Mon 04-May-20 16:40:44

My husband and I are first time Grandparents and we don’t get to spend enough time with our Grandson. My daughter in-law and I got on really well until she married my son then something changed. They had a baby very soon after they got married and it’s been really difficult ever since. We live on a farm and they both live on the farm too but have their privacy and we give them their space. However it is really difficult as we live & work together and we want to be apart of their lives however my daughter in-law seems to want something different. Because I offer to help look after him or want to visit I’m told I am over bearing!! I’m luck if I get to see him once a week and it is always on their terms!! I just can’t understand why.I have tried everything however I think that she wants her family to be the people that are close to him so she makes sure that they get to see him and spend time with him and we are secondary to that. It is really effecting me and I just don’t know what to do. Can anyone give me any suggestions on how to address this issue. We have talked to son & my daughter in-law but they just tell us we are over reacting. I just feel so sad he is nearly one and I would be luck if I get to see him once a week.

SueDonim Mon 04-May-20 17:45:09

I’d love to see any of my grandchildren once a week! None of them lives near enough for that (in normal times). I think you should count yourself fortunate for what you have and not push your luck with your son and dil.

Once a week is plenty of time in which to form a relationship with your GS and it’s really not a competition with the other set of GP’s.

FlexibleFriend Mon 04-May-20 18:09:36

Of course you seeing your Grandson is on their terms he's their child and whatever a one year old does should always be on the parents terms. Once a week isn't exactly infrequent no matter what you may prefer. You are already part of their lives otherwise you wouldn't see him at all. Nearly all new parents are very protective of their children especially for the first few years so just give it time, don't be too pushy and as time goes on you'll become more involved.

Hithere Mon 04-May-20 18:20:50

Unfortunately for the grandparents, the parents make the rules.
Your son and dil think you spend enough time with your gc.
It doesnt matter you disagree. It is not your call to make.

The more you push, the more over bearing you become and the less they want to see you.

Take 10 steps back and follow your son and dil's lead.

Lucca Mon 04-May-20 19:00:07

Once a week ?. How lucky are you ! Just enjoy it and relax a bit.

wildswan16 Mon 04-May-20 19:27:04

You need to step back and relax. Your DIL will have certainly picked up on your annoyance and that will understandably make her hesitant to have too much contact. It is natural that she wants her parents to be involved in their grandson's life. Maybe they aren't so demanding as you clearly are.

Harris27 Mon 04-May-20 19:34:36

I never saw my grankids more than once a week or once a fortnight and didn’t complain. Step back and dont go on about it it will sort itself out if you do this .

CanadianGran Mon 04-May-20 20:58:57

I agree to let things lie. I think seeing grandchildren once a week is fine.

If you are living and working on the same farm, I expect before you know (in a few years), the little one will be skipping over to your house on his own and then won't that be lovely?

Bridgeit Mon 04-May-20 23:01:24

Suggestions, yes, give them time & space, your time will come. Be patient , trying to force the issue will no doubt make for a difficult situation, which would be far worse.

Babyshark Tue 05-May-20 07:55:36

Seeing your grandchild will become less frequent of you keep being so demanding.

The problem here isn’t your dil or your son (yet the dil seems to be the villain in your post), it’s your unreasonable expectations.

My children see my mil monthly maybe? They adore her, hate leaving her house (though sometimes she looks a little relieved to see them leave grin ) and she understands that we have busy lives. Because of her understanding and support even though me and her have some outstanding issues she knows she can call up and ask for them to sleep over. I have them packed and in the car before she’s hung up the phone.

It wasn’t always like this but has come about from her taking a step back.

Grammaretto Tue 05-May-20 09:30:22

Try not to obsess about it. We all have more time on our hands at present and although that is good in lots of ways it's also easy to brood.
I would absolutely love to see my DGC once a week. As it is we see them on WhatsApp a few times a week but haven't been with any of them since well before lock-down.

Each family make their own rules and the DGP don't have much say.