The Old Argy Bargy Bar.....a new lease of life!

Arrrrrgh! I saw something nasty in the woodshed!
(Cold Comfort Farm) ??

Clears throat politely...Monty is with me in the wood store. We're stacking logs and exchanging gardening tips.

Just seen Monty having a snoozing hiding under the Raspberry Canes, he's absolutely worn out. Can't think why! ?
What has happened to our hunky bar staff, their make-up is better than ours and the dresses and feather Boas look like lemon's.
It must be those two glamorous boys, Ginger and Anna, who've led them astray.
I need a drink! Pint of Drambuie shandy when you've stopped simpering in the mirror Thor!

Ooh gransal how could you. I’ve never laid a hand on his dibber honestly. Our barmen seem to have been to some drag bar somewhere as they are all dressed up with sequins and feathers. What’s that in aid of lemon ?

Does anyone know who has Monty ? Not seen him for ages. I think some of you, especially that rather frisky Doodle, have been taking rather too long examining his dibber. Will have a pint of my favourite(anything at all) while I work out a rota . Seems only fair.

Buffy have you been at the poteen again. Everyone knows ferrets don’t roost. As for those blueberries... well soop makes pies out of anything she can lay her hand on. Last time we had cheese sandwiches on the menu, she took the cheese out of the mousetrap to make them. Don’t whatever you do ask her what she uses in her pasties. You may never sleep again!
I need a rest after avoiding Monty and his dibber. You don’t often see one the size of that. I will have an Argy special please barman, a pint of Crete de menthe and a whisky chaser.
Anyone want to join me? ?

Over excitement .*Doodle*,
Still, I did tell you not to get so close......
he nearly had your eye out!
Those blueberries lemon!!
soop gave them to me, she said there’s loads of them in the cellar. Mainly where the ferrets roost.?

Oh b****y autocorrect. Dibber not dinner ?

.......still each to their own I suppose ?

Gracious that’s a dinner and a half. Is he safe wielding it around like that ?

Thanks for the reminder Doodle, I sometimes forget where I am! Or what day it is.
Ah, the new beer garden ( out in the back yard between two fences topped with barbed wire) is looking good! Those white plastic chairs I got at the tip the other day are just the ticket.
Let’s keep the blueberry gin flowing Buffy.....though I am wondering where you got those blueberries? Bet there’s a good tale to be told there.?

You’ll have to help your self gransal everyone’s lounging in the Beer Garden, Monty created.
I’ve just come in for a couple of jugs of Blueberry Gin to top everyone up.
We’re all in skimpy bikinis watching Monty wield his Dibber but you’ll be fine in your gold lame mini skirt.

Hello Ladeeez. Sorry I've been M.I.A. The last pint of poteen I had wreaked havoc with my innards. So glad to see George back and look forward to seeing Monty wielding his dibber. I'll have a large cherry brandy with all the trimmings.

Saw Buffy with George and Monty on their leashes. She had to tell them to SIT when all those amorous women appeared, to protect them. Very undignified not at all like Those at the Argy.

Took George and Monty out for excercise on long leashes but they were being mobbed.
I had to bring them back to the Argy for safety.....

Wake up lemon. You’ve obviously been dreaming we were back in the Alphabet Bar. You’ve been taking about hoovering carpets......since when did the Argy have carpets ?. You know we only replace the sawdust every 6 months. As for Mr Sheen you know we only use spit and polish. Come on now wake up. It’s all right we’re home again. I’ll just rinse out this old cracked mug and I’ll get George to make you a coffee. There there ?

We need a cleaning rota.....I am fed up of turning up here of a morning to find sticky carpets, tabletops and bar, am running out of Mr Sheen.
Who will fill the rota?
We need volunteers to: hoover all carpets, wipe down the tables, wash the glasses, replenish bar stock, clean the loos, brush out the cellar, clean the coffee machine, bake, cook, and last but not least, take George and Monty out for some exercise on long leashes.?

lemon you’d best not be stroking Monty. That’s soop’s job.?
Now you’ve woken up you can help me wash up the glasses. The dishwashers packed up again.....I think he’s sleeping it off in the cellar ?

Just saw Monty on the way out of the bar, I nearly had a stroke! I wasn’t quite near enough though, sadly.

Soop you are incorrigible!
A footstool Doodle ! after all I have done for you over the years, huh!
Where’s Chewbacca btw? Is she self isolating at the sewage works?

Doodle I concur! Doubles it is. Let's not mess about. Make it trebles with a twist...

Doodle I concur! Doubles it is. Let's not mess about. Make it trebles with a twist...

lemon, lemon where are you ? I thought you were behind the bar. ?. Oh.. there you are, on the floor, under the bar....how many have you helped yourself to. Can’t get one of the boys to pick you up as they’re all on the beach. Oh well il just use you as a foot stool till you wake up. Come on soop we have the place to ourselves ?. Let’s have some doubles to start ?

Aye, Soop is a man eater alright, I hope Monty has padlocked the door from the inside!

Been baking bar snacks all morning, so take a plate and help yourselves, the honesty box is on the bar for a reason I would just remind you.Thor, Kev and Korky have all taken the day off and headed to the seaside to top up their tans.I am behind the bar for drinks ( that means am pouring myself one as we speak, not dispensing them to all and sundry.)??

Doodle I've asked Monty to stay in his shed. He understands that it's for his own good.

Ooh soop’s come over all possessive. Be careful buffy she might be tiny but she’s a force to be reckoned with when she gets riled. ?