The Old Argy Bargy Bar.....a new lease of life!

It's raining men hallelujah, teetering on heels which keep getting caught in the ankle bracelet, been A over T twice already, lovely tattoo 'I love Aiya Napa' on left boob, big burp, lookin good feelin good.
Terrible draft up tiny skirt, boob tube keeps slipping down, lime green hair back combed to the hilt, shouting at locals, silly beggars don't speak English burp again, chips repeating on me.
Bagsy rumbling anywhere with the Captain. Common Eileen woohoo.

The latest cocktail is ‘hard as nails’ and believe me, you need to be to quaff it!
Karaoke is just starting up, shall I go first?
‘I drink a whisky drink, I drink a lager drink, I sing the songs that remind me of the good times, I sing the songs that remind me of the bad times, I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never going to keep me down I get knocked down but I get up again! You’re never going to keep me down
Oh, Danny boy, Danny Boooooooy!’
There.....how did I do?

Huh carry me home indeed. I usually sleep on the floor here as well you know. Sometimes accompanied and sometimes not. However tonight I feel my luck is in as that young (under 80) sailor is eyeing me up. Must be my juggernauts in this electric blue boob eurotunnel (take that AGA) and my ever so mini black leather pelmet. I could almost fancy myself. ?
Party on ?

Yes Peardrop sex on the bleach is available at the bar, in fact Kev is mixing up a batch as we speak, you will enjoy a few am sure, but be prepared to lose your eyesight for a while afterwards ( worth it, of course.)????

I gave the PVC a miss tonight on account of the heat....am wearing a red silk camisole and matching shorts, have dyed my hair pink and am wearing silver killer heels....what a look eh?Classy.
Am just keeping an eye on Doodle as I know she gets a bit over excited at these kind of events and am getting a bit long in the tooth to keep carrying her home.

Another great turnout from our regulars, the Captain is here!
Looking very fit and tanned in a Hawaiian shirt and white shorts, and he’s brought some of the able seamen with him, cor!
The Admiral isn’t looking happy.....there may be a rumble in the jungle later on.?

My ankle length knitted bloomers are a bit too hot for tonight so I will wear my nifty knee length ones in green lurex. Will go well under my vibrant orange micro skirt. Boob tube a bit of a problem. More like a boob tunnel when you are a 68JJ.

The Captain and the Admiral will love my outfit. Not sure if the Captain will make it tonight. Saw him going into the Mermaid's Arms earlier and you know what that means. A lot of fishy strumpets in there.

peardrop I’ll have a double sex on the bleach please
I’m ready. At least I think I am. I can’t see much out of these lashes. Er peardrop I’m sorry I seem to have given you a moustache and beard instead of eyebrows ?. Oh never mind no one will notice ?

I hope Thor doesn't forget the umbrellas for the drinks.
Hope your cocktails include Sex on the Bleach Lemon
Off to get the nails well gelled in different luminescent colours with hearts on each one, won't be able to help with any washing up though.
Got the big rollers in the hair already and hoping these bl**dy big eyelashes don't stick to my cheeks.
Doodle will you draw the caterpillar eyebrows on for me in the morning please.
Lets go girls

It’s going to be hot hot hot tomorrow, so I will open up all the Argy windows and get some fans going full blast. Will also get the karaoke machine on so we can practise.
Shall we all sing a bit of Shania Twayne.....Let’s go girls!
Mens shirts short skirts da da da dah doh, do what we dare, colour our hair etc.
Thor is getting some coloured flashing lights pinned up, and Achilles and Kev have gone to get a load of pineapples that fell off the back of a lorry ( from down the docks) to put in all the drinks.

Cheer up Doodle at least we will hear you and know exactly where you are!?

I’ve just been to have my belly button pierced ready for Friday. The guy who did it usually puts rings through cows noses. I did think my ring was a bit big but he said it will be fine and I will be the main attraction Friday. I think I look great with it.......I’m not sure about the big bell hanging off the end though. It clanks quite a lot ? ?.

Sunset Boulevard for me please Lemon while I practice teetering drunkenly on 6 inch heels.
I think it was a cockroach in the peanuts, something certainly crunched as I bit down.
Purple bloomers sound great AGA, you probably wont have them on for long from what I know of Aiya Napa. Doodle knows what I mean .
These belly button rings are hard to find in the folds.

Lemon the Admiral had 6 of your Lurex Nights and has been foaming at the mouth all day. I did wonder where the Lemon Flash had gone (not that I am looking for it)

Peardrop I am looking forward to Ayia Napa night. My purple bloomers will look very fetching under the pelmet skirt.

Think I need to raid the button box to pay for all those cleansing cocktails. Doodle is looking a bit pale after the last drink. Did you make one with bleach Lemon?

Still, before you start on the lavs, have you had lunch yet?
There are a few dishes of winkles left over.

No need for Dynorod with my new cocktail mix.....it does the job all by itself?
Nothing like a good clear out Doodle....you will be able to move about faster now.....with the cleaning.

Doodle swaggers in glowing with dazzling smile ? an aura of cleanliness, all shiny and new. ? Breathing lemon air freshener into every corner of the Argy. Super clean inside and out.
Wow lemon those new cocktails of yours worked a treat. I feel amazing. So much lighter. ?
Does anyone have the phone number for Dyno rod ? You might need them lemon ?

Good news! The Captain will be here on Friday.If you remember he was flogged for a fiver to a ship’s crew who had lost their Captain at sea ( so they claimed) by the Admiral, after they had had an on deck fight! Anyway, he jumped ship in Barbados and is on his way back, hurrah!

Am just in here to see to the lunches, I brought a big pan full
Of winkles from the docks, anyone got a pin?
When I’ve done the food, I’ll investigate all the bar top snacks,
Am sure I saw something moving in the peanut bowl.
Then ( busy day!) I need to make myself a new outfit for Friday night.....am thinking PVC.

Thanks Doodle for being a guinea pig.....bet you feel a lot cleaner inside now after that.?

We can certainly do that easily Peardrop....since it’s what we do anyway.?
Ayia Napa Nite it is then.

How about Ayia Napa night, pelmet skirts, luminous pink boob tubes, belly button rings, dancing to Come on Eileen, snogging Cypriots and drunken Brits. Taking 'e's or in our case probably better taking 'b's as in B6, B12, etc.

Just line them up lemon. I’m game for anything.

Phew! That screwdriver killer is awesome. I felt it going right through me ?

Have been experimenting with Thor behind the bar as it’s a quiet night....what? Honestly, your mind! We were making new cocktails for happy hour tomorrow.
So...three new ones
Sunset Boulevard: one shot of voddy, one of tomato juice and
( this is the experimental bit) a squeeze of lemon Flash.
Screwdriver Killer: one shot of whisky, one of soda and.....
A dash of drain cleaner.
Lurex Nites: one shot of tequila, one of pernod and.....six drops of Fairy liquid.Interesting colour!
Who fancies being the first to test them?

So that’s it! I assumed I was tired and my feet were dragging a bit☺️
I’ll just heave the old salt into a chair....the poor old thing looks done in...did he have the pigeon and magic mushroom pie by any chance???